Husbands ex-wife is living the life of luxury!

julesuk71

I just have to get this off my chest, so thought I would see if I am being unjust in the way I am feeling!!

My husband has 2 young boys from a previous marriage, it was an amicable split between them, she had the house and contents!! She gave him £80,000 to help him 'start again'!

To cut a long story short, we met a little while later, brought a house together, had a baby (who is now 2), oh and then got married! I also have a daughter from a previous relationship (no maintance is paid - as father doesnt want to know!!)

So there are 4 children in total!!

Ok, so this is where I get bitter - his ex wife remarried a guy who is doing very well for himself financially, they both have posh cars, personalised number plates, holiday's abroad, weekends away all the time, lovely house etc.... etc... oh -and cosmetic surgery!!!!!!!!!!!

We pay her £300 per month for the boys - this apparently goes straight into a savings account for them - she doesnt even need the money!!!

We have the boys over at our's quite alot, we try to have days out where we can (very expensive with 4 children!). We dont have holidays together , again too expensive!

I am just sooooooooooooo upset to know that in 10 or so years time, those boys will have a nice sum of £20,000 each ! Any our girls with have NOTHING!!! :mad:

My husband wants to class the children as the same - but I cant see that this is going to be very fair when this time comes!!!

What I want to know is, am I being unjust in how I am feeling, or should I just try and forget it and just live with it?!?

Thanks!!!

koolmummy

I understand how you feel, My husband and I pay £250 per month for his son, I get nothing for my 4 children from my ex, we struggle financially.
You knew your husband had these children when you met him, just as I did. If your husband and mine were the sought of father's that refused to support their children we wouldn't want to know them. They are decent men, unlike our ex's!!
Is there anyway that your husband to ask his ex if he could make reduced payments?
If not then I'm afraid you may just have to put up with it - sorry.

DUTR

Sort of , yes you are, be glad that you are not ugly to even require cosmetic surgery, I pay nearly that for 1 child, besides that 20k won't be enough for a mortgage deposit in 10yrs time

koolmummy

DUTR wrote: »

be glad that you are not ugly to even require cosmetic surgery,

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

claire1234

same here im afraid your not the only one,

my hubby pays for his 2 children but like the poster above says if he was the type that didnt pay i woudnt want to know him, he is a very decent man and pay as much as he can even tho we do struggle.

we would also like to put money away for the kids furture but its hard balancing csa, pocket money, clothing, treats, school trips, etc and the 20k each the boys will end up with is really from you and your hubby so you should be proud that at least they have something for there future. (even if they dont know its from you, you can sit back knowing it is thinking of what a future you`ve given them -- deposit on a house / uni / cars )

havnt got much more advise but good luck and stay strong.

pnq06

Is it an arrangement between yourselves OP?

If so, why not consider going through the CSA where it will likely be cheaper if you have your husbands boys over as much as you say you do (I mean staying overnight).

There is a calculator on the CSA website which will show you approx. how much you will be paying if under the CSA- if there is a big difference then why not approach the mother first to see if you reduce payments?

Then again I don't know much about the CSA but think checking out a figure on the website will be a good starting point

We are pretty much in the same situation whereby my step son gets £200pm and his mother has another 2 children and is pregnant again by different dads and she seems to do quite well for herself in the money stakes :rolleyes: My poor baby on the other hand has nothing! Not even a spare fiver a month to put in a savings account

neas

While i do understand your children come into it. Im assuming the ex-wide only has the two kids to worry about and you have 2 + the extra for PART-TIME two children.

By law your husband has pro-created and shared his genes with ex-wife to create new new lives. By law he has to cover the costs of raising them.

This does not include your, your two children or the new husband of ex-wife.

It is just Him, Her and the two children. She has been lucky and married someone with alot of money. The way I see it is, because they are wealthy THEY are saving £150 each month for each kid for uni etc. Rich people often do this, hell my sisters dauther has a savings fund with 4k in it and the child is 3.

Your husband has a duty to share the costs of raising the children regardless if they are millionaires or have no money. It is not the ex-wifes problem that he now has 2 other mouths to feed why paying toward the childrens costs.

Just my 2 cents.

pelirocco

If his ex wife hadn't had remarried or had married somebody who wasn't so well off would you still be peeved ? It works both ways , because your ex doesnt pay for your daughter according to your logic she should have less then the daughter you have together

pnq06

neas wrote: »

While i do understand your children come into it. Im assuming the ex-wide only has the two kids to worry about and you have 2 + the extra for PART-TIME two children.

By law your husband has pro-created and shared his genes with ex-wife to create new new lives. By law he has to cover the costs of raising them.

This does not include your, your two children or the new husband of ex-wife.

It is just Him, Her and the two children. She has been lucky and married someone with alot of money. The way I see it is, because they are wealthy THEY are saving £150 each month for each kid for uni etc. Rich people often do this, hell my sisters dauther has a savings fund with 4k in it and the child is 3.

Your husband has a duty to share the costs of raising the children regardless if they are millionaires or have no money. It is not the ex-wifes problem that he now has 2 other mouths to feed why paying toward the childrens costs.

Just my 2 cents.

pelirocco wrote: »

If his ex wife hadn't had remarried or had married somebody who wasn't so well off would you still be peeved ? It works both ways , because your ex doesnt pay for your daughter according to your logic she should have less then the daughter you have together

Whilst I agree with what your both saying about the "money" gained by the ex and how the OP may be bitter towards her, I do think that the OP should investigate wether they are paying too much so as the children that they currently have at home are not on the poverty line.

LittleMissAspie

julesuk71 wrote: »

I am just sooooooooooooo upset to know that in 10 or so years time, those boys will have a nice sum of £20,000 each ! Any our girls with have NOTHING!!! :mad:

What do you want her to do? Set up savings for children that aren't hers? Spend her boys' money on herself so that they can't have it?

It sounds to me like you are just jealous of her having more money.

pnq06 wrote:

Whilst I agree with what your both saying about the "money" gained by the ex and how the OP may be bitter towards her, I do think that the OP should investigate wether they are paying too much so as the children that they currently have at home are not on the poverty line.

Sure, no harm in that but the OP is not complaining about being poor, the whole post is focussed on ex-wife having a lot of money.

Loopy_Girl

Shock horror - a PWC who is saving for her childs future...whatever next eh?

How would you feel if the £300 was getting spent on her - bet there would be plenty to say on that.

As another poster has advised, it doens't matter whether she is papering the walls with money or is living hand to mouth - your husband has a moral,emotional and financial duty to these children and he sounds like a sterling bloke.

He quite happily took your child on just like another man has taken on his kids.

If you are that worried/bitter/jealous then get your finger out and get maintenance paid for your own daughter. Your husband is working for her and paying for her as well remember since you don't get maintenance for her.

What were you hoping? Because she has met a wealthy man that your husband should forget his financial responsibilites and spend all his money on YOUR daughter and also the child you have together?

Your husband is paying £5 per day per child - he would have spent more than that when he was with her.