Husbands ex-wife is living the life of luxury!

space_rider

My daughters father has finally started to contribute haphazardly and she`s 9. I save all that money as don`t know how long it will last. My 17 year old daughter father has always paid maintenance and I use that towards ALL our day to day living. It isn`t up to the absent parent to decide how the parent with care spends the money!

Your girls only get less because they don`t have a rich father. Money makes a big difference but it isn`t the be all and end all. My 17 year old daughter unfortunately has a health problem, as a result she gets DLA and has a nice 09 car on the drive. She also has plenty of money in the bank but not really well enough to spend it. Her friends all have much older cars but they can go where they want when they want and don`t have to worry about their health. They can spend what little money they have by going shopping etc, my daughter has to be content with odd hour of shopping and having to use the internet, I know which she would prefer.

Blonde_Bint

Good for you Jules and good for you space rider, best thing always is just to live your own life your way get on with what you have got, Jules your going to be a lot happier for it I guarantee it :T as sad as this sounds someone elses good fortune always makes me happy. If I cant have it I'm glad someone else can:j

catenorfolk

julesuk71 wrote: »

Thank you all for your comments, some nice, some not so!! But you all have your opinion and that is why I posted - I needed to hear it from people who dont know me

Thank you Blonde Bint - you hit the nail on the head, and after talking with my mum yesterday, she gave me the same advice too!! So, now I am going to look at it this way - when the boys are older and are asking Dad for uni fees, a new car, etc.. etc... he can then turn around and say that they have savings for that, that he has contributed to.

There are lots of maintenance issues regarding my older daughter that I do not wish to go into, but I really cannot get any maintenance for her. My husband has taken her on as his own and is looking into adopting her officially. I feel REALLY blessed to have found such a wonderful man who loves her as much as his own.

I dont feel jealous about the ex having more money etc... etc... I just dont like that fact that my girls get ALOT less than the boys, and my husband bleats on about them all being equal - yes, equal in his heart, but definately not financially! - but I just have to get over it , I know!

Thanks again for all your messages, sorry if I rubbed anyone up the wrong way, Im really not a bad person, just had a few issues in my head that I needed to sort out!!!!

Right, onwards and upwards - time to be happy

I dont think you rubbed anyone up the wrong way at all, you were just being honest about how you feel. I just think that £300 per month for 2 kids equates to £34.61 per week per child, which when you take into account mortgage, upkeep of home, bills clothes and all the usual paraphanalia involved with kids (as you have two - you already know how expensive they can be) really doesnt go that far. I am sure the pwc is putting more into the care of her kids than that. I know I do. Your partner does sound a nice guy especially to think about adopting your oldest. Maybe if you are finding it difficult to manage, perhaps see if you can work for a few hours. Also if your family income is not particularly high, the you might be able to get working tax and child tax credits.

catenorfolk

Quote " when the boys are older and are asking Dad for uni fees, a new car, etc.. etc... he can then turn around and say that they have savings for that, that he has contributed to""

But he didnt contribute to the savings!! the savings are from the childrens mother, as she just saved the maintenance for the kids.

SuziQ

Jules I am glad you got that off your chest-have never seen so many exclaimation marks in one post! My husband pays maintenance to his oldest 2 boys (he hasn't even been allowed contact for almost 6 years)who are aslo 'living in the lap of luxury' but I look at it a different way-I am just glad they are having a good life and concentrate on what I can do to make the 3 kids here happy.
I have long since learnt that bitterness is a waste of energy which hurts you,not the other party you are bitter towards. You can only have control over your feelings and reaction to what you have to deal with in life-so concentrate on that side of things. We all know that life is unfair and we have to accept it. As you say,you married a good man and maybe that is where you have greater riches compared to his ex.
I have long since given up being bitter towards my first ex husband who has paid no maintenance for 13 years. He is now in fact giving some money to our oldest who is at Uni-too little too late maybe,but due to my circumstances I can't give her money every week so it's come at a time when it is needed most and for that I am thankful.

poet123

I agree, when they need funding for Uni he should still contribute, because those payments were for their maintenence which still has tocome from somewhere, so either their mother or her new husband are providing for their every day needs.

What she chooses to do with the money is not relevant. He has not contributed to their savings.

catenorfolk

poet123 wrote: »

I agree, when they need funding for Uni he should still contribute, because those payments were for their maintenence which still has tocome from somewhere, so either their mother or her new husband are providing for their every day needs.

What she chooses to do with the money is not relevant. He has not contributed to their savings.

very well said Poet

pinkpig08

But surely whichever 'part' of the money is being saved, the father has contributed? If he hadn't, then there wouldn't be enough to make any savings after the day to day costs of the children had been met. That's not saying he has paid for ALL of the savings - just that how can you distinguish which money has come from the father and which has come from the mother?

My DH pays maintenance. His younger daughter is going on a school trip abroad. Part of the money he pays in maintenance has gone towards paying for that, but we can't define WHICH part, or how much was from maintenance and how much from child benefit/tax credits.

poet123

As I understand it the mother has remarried a wealthy man and he and she between them are happy to pay for the upkeep of the children. So it is she and her husband who are contributing to the savings not the father, as it is money the children are entitled to for day to day expenses.

Zara33

julesuk71 wrote: »

Right, onwards and upwards - time to be happy

Best way to be.