Fed up with Father's Day

top_drawer_2

hey,

Its surprising how many people have similar problems; my biological dad is distant but would always be there if I needed him in terms of practical/financial help. My step-dad on the other hand is in it solely for the benefits but has done squat all really for me to deserve them.... this year on his bday I went out and bought him a really nice Step-dad card which was appropiate and funny and my Mum had a go at me last time I saw her because he wanted a "Dad" card as apparently he likes to be called Dad!!

When he first moved in with us (my Mum and two sisters) we all had to get him and Father's Day card and I signed mine "from TD" and that went down VERY badly with me getting the cold shoulder for days on end (I was 12/13 at the time). When I was unemployed (temping dried up) one year and had no money to be able to afford anything my biological dad when I mentioned it said "Don't bother wasting your money on me ... I don't need anything." My Step-dad volunteered that he would like a CD advertised on the television which for the sake of a quiet life I bought him despite not being able to afford the bus fares to go into town for the jobcentre.

This year I will be doing the same as I just want a quiet life and if he thinks that a card shows that I care then let it be.

TD

Bufger

Personally i would try and find one with all the sentiments he hasnt ever shown so it might make him reflect on his relationship with you and do something about it. Then again it might just make a sour old man even more sour but its worth a try!

Slightly on topic: the fathers day card i just bought for my dad said 'To my old man - you never have been any good with computers, to you a hard drive is a long journey in the car with mum'.

He's rubbish with computers and he HATES driving with my mum in the car. LOL

jimbms

Now my 2 are old enough I tell them not to get a card but take me for a pint instead, much better in my view than a tacky bit of overpriced commercial cardboard.

DKLS

I am lucky enough not to have to bother with a fathers day card, never have and never will, well it is difficult to send a card to the bottom of the atlantic where he currently is.

AnnaLicious_2

My Dad passed when I was 16, and my boyfriend's dad when he was in his early 20's. We have a baby girl and this is his first father's day. Last night I had to tell him I didn't know what to buy him, and he said he didn't know either. It's been so long since we've had fathers.

My oldest sister spent years fighting with our Dad. Many, many holidays went by with no card or phone call or present or visit. She can never get those back now. I know they had a difficult relationship, but she was torn to bits when he died.

Steel_2

jap200 wrote: »

After spending a fruitless search looking for a Father's day card for my dad that doesn't have gushing 'best dad in the world' stuff on, I have given up. My Dad is selfish, arrogant and disinterested in me or his grandchildren. I visits very rarely (his choice) and his last visit left me feeling down and tearful for days afterwards.

Despite all this, I can't explain why (maybe guilt or something), but I have always felt the need to send Father's day cards to him, despite the fact that I don't feel that he has ever been a real Father to me.

This time though, I am going to be 'brave' and not send one. A small statement I know, but there we are.

The trouble is, every day I am inundated with emails reminding me that I should be 'treating' my dad on his special day etc. etc. which makes in hard to stick to my guns about it as the guilt sets in (he is my flesh and blood and getting old...and all that).

Anyone else feel disilusioned by Father's Day?

I feel exactly the same way you do. My father has a strong narcissistic personality and is not interested in anyone else.

Ever since I was a small child I struggled with father's day. I've never bought him a "best father in the world" card. I've even struggled to put "love Steel" on my cards to him. But I do because I allow myself to be guilt-tripped by other family that we are all 'ok' and 'love' each other. It's not ok and never had been.

Luckily he's into gardening so I collect national trust etc blank cards throughout the year and use those for birthdays and father's day so i don't have to read through all the sappy rubbishy rhymes on the shelves.

If I want some kind of poem for someone, I write it myself.

For those out there who don't understand, some of us don't live in a world where we have loving families that can talk through our problems and be reconciled with one another before we die. Some of us live in a world where physical and verbal abuse is swept under the carpet, where a patriarch consistently attempts to manipulate, humiliate and control those around him no matter how old they get until the only sane course of action to survive is to move, unplug the phone and stay away from them. Being honest I have problems with Mother's Day as well. She's fed me to him to save her own skin too many times.

Steel_2

glitterycloud wrote: »

the thing is that my dad has done nothing for me out of the love in his heart it always comes with pay back. If he does something for me then im expected to do something in return, or he will always remember it and tell me "oh remember when I did this or that for you". He has beaten me, threatened my mum with a knife (all when they were married) I have a younger handicapped sister who he takes no interest in never buys her anything and he only sees her everyother sunday because he has to.

I would not call my father a dad, my stepfather was more of a father figure than he ever was and when my stepfather passed away this year unexpectedly all my dad said was "why are you all upset, im your father and im still here. I went round to his for a shoulder to cry on and in return I was slagged off behind my back for "ruining dinner" they were having with friends". I want my children brought up in a family environment where family can be relied upon, besides I live the other side of the world!

Sounds like you have a father just like mine.