Fed up with Father's Day

jap200

After spending a fruitless search looking for a Father's day card for my dad that doesn't have gushing 'best dad in the world' stuff on, I have given up. My Dad is selfish, arrogant and disinterested in me or his grandchildren. I visits very rarely (his choice) and his last visit left me feeling down and tearful for days afterwards.

Despite all this, I can't explain why (maybe guilt or something), but I have always felt the need to send Father's day cards to him, despite the fact that I don't feel that he has ever been a real Father to me.

This time though, I am going to be 'brave' and not send one. A small statement I know, but there we are.

The trouble is, every day I am inundated with emails reminding me that I should be 'treating' my dad on his special day etc. etc. which makes in hard to stick to my guns about it as the guilt sets in (he is my flesh and blood and getting old...and all that).

Anyone else feel disilusioned by Father's Day?

Pee

How would you feel if this was his last father's Day?

Is not sending him a card a small thing that means something to you but doesn't really express what it means, or assist you or your father in taking it further and dealing with your relationship?

I have lots of issues with my parents, but the truth is I cause them enough hurt and disappointment by being me, I can't change that without making them a priority in my life and I feel the priority in my life should be me, I am not going to do something silly delibrately to cause hurt.

My situation is different to yours, and so not sending the card might be right for you. I'm just telling you how I feel, and obviously, yes, I'm as disillusioned as you.

kindofagilr

Yeah Fathers Day gets to me every year, I dont have a father (well I obv do, but he left when I was 1 (27 years ago) so I hate all the reminders you get.

I do however get my mam a card on fathers day and a little present cos she is my father and mother

belfastgirl23

I've never sent a father's day card, not as a nasty thing but I guess really when my parents split up he stopped being in that role. That said, he never sends a birthday card or anything and has always said that sort of thing isn't a big deal for him so I've always just taken him at his word on it..

If you can't do it wholeheartedly then why do it at all?

Taye

kindofagilr wrote: »

Yeah Fathers Day gets to me every year, I dont have a father (well I obv do, but he left when I was 1 (27 years ago) so I hate all the reminders you get.

I do however get my mam a card on fathers day and a little present cos she is my father and mother

Awww thats really nice !!

It's mothers day that get's to me, Fathers day i can handle even though my biological dad is dead my step dad is a sweetie and i love him so i always get him something.

Mothers day is the one that get's even ever year i resist writing in big letter THANKS FOR NOTHING!!! MUM in the card... yet every year i write something sweet like love of love mum thanks for everything instead ... blah.

epsilondraconis

kindofagilr wrote: »

Yeah Fathers Day gets to me every year, I dont have a father (well I obv do, but he left when I was 1 (27 years ago) so I hate all the reminders you get.

I do however get my mam a card on fathers day and a little present cos she is my father and mother

That's a lovely gesture.

jap200

Pee wrote: »

How would you feel if this was his last father's Day?

Is not sending him a card a small thing that means something to you but doesn't really express what it means, or assist you or your father in taking it further and dealing with your relationship?

That is exactly the kind of guilt I feel and that has made me send a card every other Father's day.

Basically though, I would be very happy not to have any relationship with him at all - the only reason I persist is that he is my children's Grandfather and it will be up to them to make their own minds up about him at some point and make their own decisions about seeing him - or not.

Pee - You are right that not sending him a card is a 'statement' that means something to me, but not him. But maybe that is enough for me right now.

twentypenceoff

why dont you send a blank card with a nice picture on then you can just put

a fathers day card from x and y

and you dont have to say how great he is or anything

thats what i do on birthdays when i have to send a card but dont like the gushing sentiments of shop bought cards

Dave101t

men, real men, dont need a fathers day card.

honeypop

jap200 wrote: »

After spending a fruitless search looking for a Father's day card for my dad that doesn't have gushing 'best dad in the world' stuff on, I have given up.

Same here, I just want a card that says Happy Fathers Day as a statement, without all the other bits on. I don't want to get something that says how much I love him, how great he is, or with jokes about my childhood (some of them would be funny, but he wouldn't get it as he was barely there!) etc...

I haven't yet brought myself to not send a card, even though he has stopped sending birthday and xmas cards this past few years.

On the other hand, I also struggle to get a nice fathers day card for my step dad, who I always remember on fathers day and would like a more sentimental card for.

Viper_7

Every day is Fathers Day or Mothers Day or Secretaries day.

Don't need no card to show that, but naturally the card shops would like you to think so.