Fed up with Father's Day

jap200

Pee wrote: »

Just because your dad is not able to be a good father to you, does that mean that he can't be a good grandfather to your child?

Thinking about having children is what has made me appeciate that whatever the differences between me and my parents, they gave up a lot and did a lot for me when I was small and they must have really loved me, however hard they find it to express that now.

But he isn't being a good grandfather to my children, despite having the opportunity to. My Mum certainly gave up everything for me and obviously means the world to me, but my dad is a different story. The only things he has done have been for himself.

ailuro2

Sadly, you can choose your friends but not your relatives, and it is far more apparent after you have your own kids that parents should offer unconditional love and a big hug whenever it's needed. Most of the rest of the stuff is incidental and can be forgotten about.;)

I don't believe we should feel guilty that we don't have the relationship with parents that the 'day' cards would have us under pressure to conform to.

Make the best wtih what you have, a simple card without the gushing will keep your conscience clear and keep dialogue open.

Stephb1986_2

That is so true what ailuro said you can choose your friends but not your family!

I haven't seen my real dad for years and I'm sorry but I think that the name "dad" goes with the role, otherwise it was just a sperm donation. I haven't sent my dad a "fathers day card" in over 10 years not seen him ever don't want to either.

But I do however have a step dad he's brilliant and I always make sure I get him a card and a prezzie

Steph xx

Pee

The second hand books that he gives you, what sort of books are they? I love books and if my dad ever bought me a book I'd think that we'd reached a momentous understanding...

Blackpool_Saver

Slinky wrote: »

I will be in bits buying my beloved Dad a card this week. He won't be around for any future cards. Treasure your loved ones, sometimes what is round the corner is too awful to bear.

Yes, this is exactly how i feel, but no matter how I try he and his wife keep my son and I at arms length.
I don't understand why a man of 70 years cannot see how short life is.

I am so sorry for your pain.

OrkneyStar

My dad died 17 years ago and my mum is 300 miles away.
I will be making a card for DH's dad, as no matter how much they annoy us, they are our parents.

Kaz2904

I shan't be sending a card to the man who inseminated the egg. He is a selfish old boot who doesn't deserve children or grandchildren. I did try to reconcile things for the sack of my kids and my 1/2 sister. He sent a birthday card t my DD and then sent nothing for DS. I sent him a message saying thanks for DD's card and that DS's card hadn't arrived yet but I expected it had been delayed by the Christmas post (I thought that was giving him ample opportunity to think Oh poo and run out and get one?). He then phoned my 1/2 sister and had a go at her for not telling him it was DS's birthday. I've now cut him off. I explained to the children that he was really just a selfish old man who couldn't really be there for them and they understood that. They aren't bothered because he's never been in their lives. If they want to try when they're older then that's fine but his sister and his mother both told my 1/2 sister not to let him get involved when she said she was back in contact again. They said he'd only frighten us off and they'd lose us all over again. So clearly it is a well noted fact in the family.
I must say that for all the hate my mother had for him, she never bad mouthed him particularly. She just didn't mention him often.

jetcat

Silverbird wrote: »

Going off topic a bit, but there is a card shop near us that I visited yesterday and they had Father's Day cards which said 'Thanks for being just like a father to me'. I was surprised, as I'd never seen any like this before, but afterwards I realised what a great idea it must be for some people.

I used to get one like this for my ex foster carer, as although i only actually lived with them for a few months, my sister stayed when i left so we kept in touch. It was only a few years later and i had my own children that i felt more comfortable with calling them family, as they were my childrens' grandparents rather than my parents IYSWIM.

Then a few years after getting "just like a father" i went the whole hog and got a 'proper' fathers day card for him. He said that he was so moved, as he knew the issues i had had with my own father and previous foster fathers. Just been shopping today for one for him -though money is tight so wont be accomanied by the usual bottle of Glendiddich (sp?)

jap200

It's that time of year again, so dug out this thread from last year. I just had an email from Firbox with the title 'Your Dad is Amazing', so sent an them an email telling them that he most certainly is not!.

I just had to suffer a visit from him this weekend - having not seen him for a whole year. He spent the whole time talking at me and totally ignoring his own grandchildren. I was so relieved when he left.

He won't be getting a father's day card from me again this year. I have just found a really good one for my step-dad though.

Taypier

My dad is exactly the same. I found a card that just said "Happy Father's Day" from card factory, it took ages to find it , they all seem like you said too gushy. The only reason why I'm sending it is because then I can say I have tried. He doesn't contact me, I have to text or email him 1st and then he'll reply. He won't pick the phone up if I ring and the last time I saw him was just before xmas so I could give him his present. Fathers hey!