Fed up with Father's Day

worbikeman

It's a pet hate of mine how card companies and flower companies ram it down our throats about Mother's Day. I lost my Mum tragically 16 years ago and I'm just about at the stage where I dont think about her now too much. Until about a week before Mother's day when I cant turn the telly on or read a paper without having it hammered into me that she is no longer here.

margaretclare

worbikeman wrote: »

It's a pet hate of mine how card companies and flower companies ram it down our throats about Mother's Day. I lost my Mum tragically 16 years ago and I'm just about at the stage where I don't think about her now too much. Until about a week before Mother's day when I cant turn the telly on or read a paper without having it hammered into me that she is no longer here.

Which Mother's Day do you mean? The fourth Sunday in Lent, or the American one on 10th May?

I agree with you about having all the different 'days' rammed down one's throat.

As for Father's Day, I never met mine, so it's of academic interest only. But it does seem to me that a valued parent should be remembered 365 days out of 365 and not just on one 'designated' day which is blatantly money-spinning.

fly_dragon_fly

my son doesn't see his dad apart from at christmas and on his birthday and recieves nothing from his dad not even a weekly phone call but i still feel like i have to send him a card and this year it was just a bear siting on a bears lap saying happy fathers day and inside read happy fathers day so they can be found.

but then my son made me buy 3 cards two for his grandads and one for my partner who has been dad since my son was six months old. i decided to select his real dad one because he may not see or talk to his son but he is still his dad.

Slinky

I will be in bits buying my beloved Dad a card this week. He won't be around for any future cards. Treasure your loved ones, sometimes what is round the corner is too awful to bear.

pink_numbers

I decided not to do father's day this year for similar reasons that I really honestly cannot say that he has done an ounce of being a father. Yet each year, he demanded large birthday and father's day presents from me. Needless to say, he never remembers my birthday or ever sends me even a card.

So from this year, I decided to celebrate his birthday as a person that knows him, but not celebrate father's day as I cannot celebrate him as my father.

On the other hand, my mum gets two mother's day, as mother's days are different in Japan, so she get English and Japanese mother's days.

skintchick

OP - my Dad hasn;t always been brilliant and I always just get him a simple card without all the gushing. Mind you, he hasn;t been as awful as yours so I would always get him something, but this year it is just a cheap book for a fiver.

jinky67

Personally i think Mother Day and Fathers Day are a load of nonsense anyway:cool:

glitterycloud

Pee wrote: »

Just because your dad is not able to be a good father to you, does that mean that he can't be a good grandfather to your child?

Thinking about having children is what has made me appeciate that whatever the differences between me and my parents, they gave up a lot and did a lot for me when I was small and they must have really loved me, however hard they find it to express that now.

the thing is that my dad has done nothing for me out of the love in his heart it always comes with pay back. If he does something for me then im expected to do something in return, or he will always remember it and tell me "oh remember when I did this or that for you". He has beaten me, threatened my mum with a knife (all when they were married) I have a younger handicapped sister who he takes no interest in never buys her anything and he only sees her everyother sunday because he has to.

I would not call my father a dad, my stepfather was more of a father figure than he ever was and when my stepfather passed away this year unexpectedly all my dad said was "why are you all upset, im your father and im still here. I went round to his for a shoulder to cry on and in return I was slagged off behind my back for "ruining dinner" they were having with friends". I want my children brought up in a family environment where family can be relied upon, besides I live the other side of the world!

scurr

I miss my dad so much. He died on New Year's Day last year after a horrible few years gradually deteriorating with dementia. He was only 67. At first I was almost relieved he wasn't suffering any more but now I'm thinking all the time about the way he was before he got dementia at the age of 60 and all this Fathers Day stuff makes me want to scream.
Anyone with an amazing dad like mine was, please make sure they know how much you love them - I know my dad knew, although we're not a particularly demonstrative family, and I'm so glad we were so close.

jap200

glitterycloud wrote: »

the thing is that my dad has done nothing for me out of the love in his heart it always comes with pay back. If he does something for me then im expected to do something in return, or he will always remember it and tell me "oh remember when I did this or that for you". He has beaten me, threatened my mum with a knife (all when they were married) I have a younger handicapped sister who he takes no interest in never buys her anything and he only sees her everyother sunday because he has to.

I would not call my father a dad, my stepfather was more of a father figure than he ever was and when my stepfather passed away this year unexpectedly all my dad said was "why are you all upset, im your father and im still here. I went round to his for a shoulder to cry on and in return I was slagged off behind my back for "ruining dinner" they were having with friends". I want my children brought up in a family environment where family can be relied upon, besides I live the other side of the world!

Glitterycloud - you sound like you are in a similar situation to me. Personally, I don't see any point in trying to build a relationship with my father now. He's one of those sort of people that you try and talk to and you think you have got through to and then in the next sentence it's as if you haven't said anything. Either that or the converstation turns back to him!

The only gifts he gives me and my lovely children are second-hand books and he freely admits that he has read them first! I could go on and on about him but I won't. I know some of you will find it hard to understand, but if he disappeared tomorrow I would be relieved, not least because I wouldn't have to go on pretending that he is a nice person in front of my children. -I'm not saying that I wouldn't be upset (I am human after all), but it would feel like a weight had been lifted.

Back to Father's day cards - I won't be doing moonpig as he doesn't deserve the effort or cost. And despite all the emotive arguments put forward here, I'm still resolved not to send any card at all at the moment.