Help pls! teenager drinking & driving, what do I do?

Bruja_2

Hi, I agree with what everyone has said, but you started your post by saying your daughters goes out drinking a couple of times a week and normally leaves the car at home, so she's obviously aware of what could happen and has acted responsibly in the past. On this occasion she intended sleeping over so took the car, again not intending to drink and drive. She's obviously embarrassed about what she's done, hence the lie, it might have been her wake up call. Point out that for all her good intentions it's actually the drink that made her change her mind and drive, and not to put herself in that position again.
She can leave the car if her intention is to stay over, you'd rather get a call out or arrange a taxi at 2am than for her to drink and drive.
Having said all that, I agree she needs to take responsibility as an adult and do all the things others have already suggested.
Good luck

lostinrates

Bruja wrote: »

...... She's obviously embarrassed about what she's done, hence the lie, it might have been her wake up call......

Well, lets hope its her wake up call, but frankly her embarrassment is not worse than the risk to her or someone else's life.

OP, you are a good mother for taking this seriously: and I agree with most others here. Life has not hd its ''normal'' consequensces for her: dropped out of college, yet got no job, no real job, yet still has a car/good lifestyle and holidays...has a drink won't hit anyone on the way home. Its not impossible to see that when consequences don't happen as they ''should'' its easy to think they never will.

Good luck OP, I have reported a close friend for drink driving, because they did it repeatedly and wouldn't accept it was an issue for them. I hope you resolve this before she has opportunity to risk herself/others ever again.

Pssst

Protogenia wrote: »

Thank you for your response.

She doesn't work (is currently looking, somewhat half heartedly), she jacked in a college course approximately 12 months ago and hasn't done much since.
My "rich" aunt pays her £10 an hour for doing a few chores a week and that is how she pays for petrol and alcohol. The car was an eighteen birthday gift that went in her name (in the vain hope it would help her get to and from a job). She doesn't sign on as its "embarrassing" and has paid £20 board in the past two years.
I have threatened to throw her out if she doesn't do something about her lifestyle but nothing gets done.
Next week she goes away for a week to Spain (paid for with insurance money from a car collision which wasn't her fault)...and I know I must make some big decisions while she is away and stick to them.

I don't want to kick her out but I don't know what else I can do.
I know it's all my fault for being too soft for too long but I have to step in now, her behaviour is no longer just effecting me.

Do you think speaking to the police to have a word with her would be a wise choice?

This doesnt stack up. Her sole income is apparently £10 an hour for a bit of cleaning here and there yet she can afford to pay you £20 per week,pay for clothing,going out,alcohol,run a car ,go to Spain. Who pays her tax/insurance on the car?

Its not your job to badger her. Shes old enough to make her own mistakes. What you need to do is serve notice of a rent increase. If she doesnt like it,she needs to perhaps look for somewhere cheaper. As for the drunk driving,well you could write an anon tip off to the police that you think this person sometimes drives when drunk. Leave it to them. They will keep an eye out for her and/or maybe put an ANPR marker on her and give her some attention. It might just be the wake up call she needs.

tiamai_d

If I could remember who the nurse was that made a speech about drink driving at a thing I went to for college I'd get him to ring your daughter. He told a story about a 4 year old boy who 'exited via the sunroof from his car seat with such force that they pray he died instantly' after a drunk driver smashed into the car he was in. Had me in tears for days (especially as I was pregnant and also have a 4 year old son myself). He went into detail about how the mother went out and bought him clothes to dress him in so he wouldn't get cold in the morgue and a hat, scarf and gloves too. Then when they dressed him, he had to put his trousers on as they hadn't noticed that his legs were badly broken they were like marbles in a sock.

THAT got the point across to everyone there, including the school aged ones who were so quiet afterwards you knew they had paid attention.

tiamai_d

Pssst wrote: »

This doesnt stack up. Her sole income is apparently £10 an hour for a bit of cleaning here and there yet she can afford to pay you £20 per week,pay for clothing,going out,alcohol,run a car ,go to Spain. Who pays her tax/insurance on the car?

Its not your job to badger her. Shes old enough to make her own mistakes. What you need to do is serve notice of a rent increase. If she doesnt like it,she needs to perhaps look for somewhere cheaper. As for the drunk driving,well you could write an anon tip off to the police that you think this person sometimes drives when drunk. Leave it to them. They will keep an eye out for her and/or maybe put an ANPR marker on her and give her some attention. It might just be the wake up call she needs.

she has paid £20 board in the past 2 years.

She doesn't sign on as its "embarrassing" and has paid £20 board in the past two years

.

never_enough

One of my closest friends lost her father to a drunk driver & another lost her young sister. Sadly both of the drunks walked away from the crashes unhurt, which is the thing that almost makes me most crazy. I have zero tolerance for drinking & driving, it's a simple choice to do one or the other.

I'm afraid that I would've certainly felt the engine, it wouldn't have totally cooled in 20 minutes. I want to say that I would then have called the police if she had driven, however I don't have children so can't be 100% sure. I can say I would've done it if it had been my OH (but he wouldn't). What they would've then done I don't know, would they have come to breathalise her? I'm not even sure. It would've been her word against yours that she had driven anyway. Knowing that you were prepared to follow through in that way might've been enough of a shock to her.

I hope that you have the strength to follow through on things generally with your daughter. There *is* time for her to turn herself around & become a credit to you/herself yet. I was pretty foul & self obsessed at around that age too (or so my mummy says! ) I left home at 16 (think I would've been thrown out if I'd not left) & actually I have to say it was the making of me. Things were quite rocky with my mother for several years though. I'm sure that wont be easier if she has doting family to go running to. Be brave & stick to your guns.
Best of luck (& I hope I don't come across too grumpy about this, it just really touches a nerve)

BeenieCat

She doesn't pay her mum £20 a week, she has paid a grand total of £20 in 2 years.

Well that's how i read it.

gizmo111

You've got some very goodreplies here how about printing it off for your daughter?

On a lighter note - around 12 years ago my ex husband was stopped on the M5, and was 5 times over the limit with a half empty litre of vodka on the seat next to him, he literally fell out of the car and ended up with a short custodial sentence (this was his 4th time for DD) - he didn't like it in prison and rang his mum to tell her so......... she came round to my house to announce that if I cleaned my kitchen floor daily it would never of happened! She just disregarded the fact that he was an 40 year old adult who was responsible for his own actions (and his kitchen floor if it was a problem), and couldn't understand that I was just glad that no one had been hurt........I'm really pleased to see someone having the courage to face up to their childen's faults and address them. Well done OP, you have my respect and your conscience is clear.

Pssst

BeenieCat wrote: »

She doesn't pay her mum £20 a week, she has paid a grand total of £20 in 2 years.

Well that's how i read it.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..............

I dont believe it. It cant be true.

mountainofdebt

To be honest I don't think the police would have come out to see the OP's daughter, especially as they just seem to issue crime numbers for house break-ins etc.

Also I don't think all the ranting in the world will work either - the daughter is young, thinks she is invincible and she'll never have an accident etc. Also she has come to learn that actions do not have consequences. She is probably surrounded by people, both younger and older than herself who condone her actions.

Personally I think the OP would be better served in tackling the daughter's immaturity as far as getting a job/paying her way is concerned. Hopefully this will then feedback into her action towards drink driving.

Not condoning her actions but I think there is more at issue here than just the drink driving - which is obviously the straw that broke the camels back.