Wedding Invitation!

Scully's_Girl

If that's how you feel, then the New York Wedding Tradition would shock & appall all y'all.
In the US, it is very common to have a Wedding Shower & Baby shower. Its a big party where all the womenfolk gather to give you presents. My British mother-in-law thinks its actually tacky, but in NY, they are expected. Once you're engaged women start to await their invitation, with gift registry list, from your mother or best friend.
When I was planning my gift registry for my wedding I got so stressed because I was forced to register at places that had online registry (since most people I know are in the US & I live here) & they were all quite expensive. How could I possibly expect ANYONE to pay £15 for an ice cream scoop? I mean, come on!. Also, my husband had all the household stuff someone really needs. Sure we got a new vegetable steamer & George Foreman, don't know if I really NEEDED them. Due to this difficulty, most people gave us money, which barely scratched the surface of what I had actually paid for my wedding.
However, I must admit your stag & hen weekends tend to be far more elaborate then our bachelor & bachelorette parties. I went with my closest friends to a moroccan restaurant for the evening, & my 11 year old neice came with. I think with Europe at your doorstep the temptation is just too much for some.

lynzpower

Also something new here, a mate of mine went to one the other day a hen-night planning party (?!!??) WHAT? that involves an evening in a flash resturaunt, plenty of vino and an £80 bill each.

What is it about weddings that turn people into money spending nutcases?

Mark7799

As has been commented previously on here, OH and I had also lived together for 3 1/2 years before the wedding, we'd also had our own homes before that so we prepared our own wedding list but of things we really felt we would appreciate (but not expensive - I think it included a toaster, new dustbin, bathmat set) as we didn't want even more clutter. We also listed our favourite wines as we knew bottles of them would be appreciated and wouldn't still be lying around the house years later (most went within 3 months :rotfl: ).

nabowla

I've thought long and hard about this as most of my friends are married already. All sent out wedding lists with their invitations. It felt as though we were only invited if we shopped from the wedding list.

I don't like the idea of sending out a shopping list with an invitation. However, it is a useful starting point for people who want to buy something and are stuck for ideas. What I intend to do if I ever get married is to send out formal invitations for the event. Tucked inside the invitation will be a slip of paper with a website address. The website will be full of useful information for guests - maps, directions, parking info, list of local hotels and b&b's (not just the expensive ones!), space to request a lift from the church to the reception for those without cars etc. I'll include a link to a wedding list along with a comment along with a comment along the lines of "We've invited you to our wedding because we want you to be there, not your present! This is especially true for those of you who are travelling a long way to be with us. Your time and the money you've spent to be here is the most valuable present we could receive. If, however, you are thinking about buying a present and are stuck for ideas, there's a small list at xxx. Please don't feel obliged to buy something from the list if you have your own ideas, we'd be delighted with anything that you might choose to buy"

Gerradene

I too think it depends very much on the situation. When you are close to the happy couple you want to get them something, a list can point you in the right direction.

My sister is due to be married in May and on their invites they say they are just happy that you will attend and that if you want to buy them a gift there is a list at xxxx xxxxx. I think this is a good thing to write on the invites as alot of people will be paying out alot just to get there and stay in a hotel.

Her friend who is getting married this year aswell has invited ALOT more people to the 'evening reception' which means they will get more presents!

So, i think a polite decline of the invite is in order, i'm sure they would not be happy if they caused you more debt.

Batgirl

My husband and I got married in 1998 and we had a wedding list then, but we made sure we had a big price range as a lot of my friends I new would want to buy a gift but were at Uni and skint. So we had an Argos list which started at £5 I think and a Debenhams list and the most expensive thing we had on either list was £50. We actuall got phone calls from some family saying there was nothing expensive enough on the list and could we think of anything bigger to put on the list. I didn't have a clue how much money they were expecting me to ask for so said I didn't have a clue, and they arrived with a very expensive luggage set . We were very happy, and none of my friends were out of piocket. When it came to it I would have rather they didn't buy for us and just came to have fun with us.

In your situation I would either buy off the list a little thing that is fun for them, or just send a nice card.

Amanda65

nabowla wrote:

I'll include a link to a wedding list along with a comment along with a comment along the lines of "We've invited you to our wedding because we want you to be there, not your present!

We had 'we've invited you because we'd like your presence, not just for presents'!

We did have a list at a local department store, which included a dinner service and people could then buy either a set of plates (anuties and uncles) or just a coffee cup and saucer if thats what the budget stretched to. There was also plenty of cheap and cheerful items from Argos etc and one of our favourite presents was from an old school friend who gave us a bottle of champagne and some bath candles ;-)

I think times have changed with more people ahving lived together / owned own homes before getting married and on principle if it is not a close friend or relative I refuse to give money. I tend to try and buy a nice vase or picture frame if everything on the list is too expensive but if at the end of the day you can't / don't want to attend I think a polite RSVP to that effect and a card on the day is perfectly acceptable

MrsTinks

I guess I'd be really cheeky then asking for some of the stuff on my list

1 goat
1 cow
1 toiletblock
30 trees

ok ok so I am combining things I'd like with charity here and no it won't be a "you must buy us" but a "if you insist on giving us something then this would be nice "
As for people travelling to our wedding then this is going to be a mjor issue for us as my OH is scottish, I'm danish and e live in Oxfordshire... so we'll have friends and relatives from all over the place no matter where we decide to have the wedding
It will be a good thing from the perspective of not getting aunts and uncles that no-one really ever see or know apart from at weddings but sadly it might also mean that there are people we won't see either because they can't afford to make the trip

I'd rather people didn't buy me a pressie but made it to my wedding myself Besides I already have a toaster, a kettle, a breadmaker a slowcooker (you get the picture), so having my friends and famly round me would be more important to me Although I guess I could set up a savings account for peopel to pay towards a honeymoon if they really wanted to but I'd want to make sure people didn't feel pressured into it

nickinoo

Weddings just wind me up full stop.

My brother in law is getting married in May & all we have been hearing for the last 2 years are how skint they are (despite having a flashy car, holidays abroad etc). Money is being wasted on all the men wearing hire suits (dad, brother, nephews, cousins etc), what's wrong with just the groom & best man wearing matching stuff (if at all)? Then there's the stag weekend/hen weekends abroad.

The wedding list contains things like £30 photoframes & other such junk.

Immediate family are expected to stay at the wedding venue (About £100 per room I think).

I wouldn't be at all surprised if there's a fancy honeymoon to follow.

As they were unable to even send my daughter a birthday or xmas present last year then I will certainly not be spending a huge amount on them.

What happened to weddings being about celebrating your love?

lynzpower

Nickinoo

My thoughts exactly.