advice please

littlemissmoney

How can he spend over £600 everytime he visits them :eek:

Book advance train tickets and get a £9 or £19 travelodge room! There is no way it should be costing anything like £600. I would be shocked if he couldn't do it on £100.

I would be mad if he was spending this kind of money on a visit and not paying maintainance! I would also be mad if I was you if he isn't paying you anything to live with you!

Edit: It's over £300 a visit, not £600.

littlemissmoney

dipsy wrote: »

approx £50 for weekend car hire (+ £100 deposit)

£60 for accommodation

£120 fuel

£70 for food, entertainment/clothes etc

That "only" comes to £300. Where is the extra going? If you visit the travel board I'm sure they will help him get train plus taxi/bus for cheaper than £170 (car + fuel)!

foi1983

littlemissmoney wrote: »

That "only" comes to £300. Where is the extra going? If you visit the travel board I'm sure they will help him get train plus taxi/bus for cheaper than £170 (car + fuel)!

He visits twice a month. 2 x 300 = 600

littlemissmoney

foi1983 wrote: »

He visits twice a month. 2 x 300 = 600

Ah, I see, thanks That still seems like loads though! :eek:

Giraffeseeker

dipsy wrote: »

cheepskate wrote: »

My son is 15, plays on his xbox till late at night and so sleeping in his room is not an option and my daughter has a box room with a high rise bed with desk underneath, not enough room to swing a fly let alone a cat.....

Why not get bunks for your son's room and put the 9/7 year old in there when they come? You son can surely sleep on the sofa if he is always one of the last to bed.

Or let the little ones have your room and put yourselves on the blow-up bed downstairs (or buy a decent sofa bed). Then you would solve the evenings problem as you would be last to bed.

pinkshoes

I think some posters and the ex wife are missing the point.

SHE was the one that chose to move 250 miles away to be closer to her family, yet HE is the one having to hire a car to go and collect them every other weekend. If she hadn't moved, he'd still see them every other weekend, AND she'd get as much maintenance as he could afford.

Public transport is unreliable and takes too long to get to most places, so he'd miss out on time with his kids.

As it was her choice to move away, and she's the one moaning about maintenance, why doesn't she drive them down and drop them off every other weekend, and that way she can have her maintenance money too?

Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too!

Poppy9

OP, not being funny but are you being taken for a mug.

You have a man living with you who has 4 children by 2 different partners, is not financially supporting them and is being financially subsidised by you, family and friends yet he can pull together £600 per month to visit his children.

His ex wife maybe angry because she has been in your situation after he split from his first wife and knows he doesn't take financial responsibilty.

My take on it would be he should:

• pay his ex wives maintainance for his children.
• have his children to stay with him (if no room at your house seen as he has ameniable family couldn't they all sleep at one of his relatives house if they have room) once a month
• have his children for 1/2 the school holidays to make up for the once a month visits and because he should take equal responsibilty for the care of his childrens and 6 weeks isn't that much time to spend with his children.
• share his accounts with you so you can see what money he does have coming in and offer you financial support.

I doubt your ex would be too happy if he thought the maintainance he is paying for his children's welfare is subsidising your new fella if he isn't contributing to the household.

Does he see his other 2 children? Do they stay over with you too?

Sorry to be harsh but sometimes love makes us blind and he needs to grow up and act like a father, which means taking financial responsibilty for his families (all 3 of them as I'd hope he looks on you and your children as his family also).

DeeDee74

i have to say i thought the same as poppy.

correct if im wrong but i thought u could claim for traveling to see children when the pwc had moved a fair distance away?

personally i'd spend the money on a travel card pre-book train ticket's an take the bus. not ideal but this would save money, why not swop room's give the kids the large room buy cheap bumpbeds and thay can share.

maybe his ex think's he has got money and just dosent wana pay for them? that's why she make's him buy there weekend clothes?

dipsy

Thank you all for the time you have all taken to reply,

The question I was really asking was how to stop the verbal abuse that is happening in front of the children and what he could do to make sure they were happy - guess there is no easy solution to it ...

my questions were not about my living arrangements - my children wont be sharing a room as this is not practical son is 15 and daughter is 11 and so both need their own space and privacy.


thanks again

littlemissmoney

dipsy wrote: »

The question I was really asking was how to stop the verbal abuse that is happening in front of the children and what he could do to make sure they were happy - guess there is no easy solution to it ...

Would paying a fair amount of maintainance stop the verbal abuse?

If his business does not generate enough money to do this, could he either give up on the business and get a job or do paid work part time?