advice please

galvanizersbaby

dipsy wrote: »

hi well its been like this for a year now... I do have my own children

The CSA have assessed him at 0 as he is self employed and its a new business therefore no accounts as yet or at least that is what I have been led to believe.

if he/they have got this wrong and they assess in a different manner then I guess this needs to be addressed, and he is willing to pay, but as he has no spare cash he can't, the money he can pay he uses to see the children and he does it on a shoe string, if he pays the money direct to her then he won't be able to see the children

all in all its a very difficult situation.....

but my main question really is how can he ensure that the children are not subjected to this emotional disturbance... he is really concerned for them as am I, can't be nice for them to be left in an atmosphere knowing they wont see their dad for another 2 weeks....

8K per annum divided by 12 months in a year amounts to 666 per month - are the csa likely to order him to pay this? (sounds an awful lot to me)don't mean to sound rude but where is he getting this spare cash from if he's been assessed as self employed with no accounts?

It does sound very difficult for all parties concerned

freda

I can't suggest on some of the points as I don't know much about some of it, sorry.

But, can he buy a couple of t-shirts and trousers for the weekend from Tesco/Asda etc. They don't cost that much and it sounds as if he needs to pick his battles, if you see what I mean.

Could he not just use the hire car to pick them up, bring them back to yours and return them at the end of the weekend? Yes, that is a lot of driving for him, which is tough, but it would be way cheaper than B&B, meals out etc. Then you could just take home made picnics to local places and save oodles of money, and hopefully afford to pay the children's mum some support. £8k per annum is an awful lot. What does the hire car cost? £50 for the weekend maybe? Then 1k miles of fuel would be £100 or so? Add on another £50 for lots of fun things to do and that comes to less than £5k.

I can kind of see from the mum's perspective that he isn't providing financially, it must be tough for her too, especially as she sees him come to visit and (presumably, given that he spends £300 every other week) take the kids out to lots of exciting and expensive places every other weekend. From her perspective, as well, she sees him obviously getting income from somewhere to spend £8k per year on the children, but at the same time declaring no income to CSA? That can't seem fair from her perspective. I'm not condoning her behaviour here, but just trying to look at things rom her side too. Maybe with some mediation they could come to some agreement about sharing the cost of visits, taking turns to collect and drop off the kids?

dipsy

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Would it be cheaper to bring the children back to his home for the weekend? 8K per annum seems a lot of money for 2 weekend visits per month

the children do sometimes come back up here, but this presents its own problems .... I have 2 children of my own and when his children come to stay they have to sleep on blow up beds in the front room which means we have no where to sit in the eve....have kitchen/diner and a front room

praying someone is going to call me up and offer a free extention on the house :D that would be the answer... if they had their own rooms they would be welcome here all the time.....

The break down of the money is

approx £50 for weekend car hire (+ £100 deposit)

£60 for accommodation

£120 fuel

£70 for food, entertainment/clothes etc

dipsy

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

8K per annum divided by 12 months in a year amounts to 666 per month - are the csa likely to order him to pay this? (sounds an awful lot to me)don't mean to sound rude but where is he getting this spare cash from if he's been assessed as self employed with no accounts?

It does sound very difficult for all parties concerned

Hi I guess it means that he has an income, but as a new business has not yet produced accounts.... and he is using the little he has to go and see the children

have looked on CSA website and the amount he would have to pay based on the income /money he spends going to visit would be

You told us:

Number of children maintenance will be paid for: 3 or more
Number of other children living in the non-resident parent's household: 0
Number of nights, on average, the non-resident parent has the child(ren): 52 to 103
The non-resident parent's net weekly income: £ 153
The non-resident parent is not claiming any benefits.
The parent with care is not claiming any benefits.
The weekly amount of child maintenance is approximately: £25


which he would then divide between his ex wife and the mother of his other 2 children so a payment of £50 to her every 4 weeks.....

I somehow don't think this would satisfy her, but maybe this is the way to go, she gets some money and he will just have to trim back on his spend when he sees them.

However the real issue is what to do about her constant shouting and yelling and put downs in front of the children, however maybe if she was getting some money she would calm down....

however, bit confused here as I have never used the CSA there is a bit that asks about other children that live in the household..... not sure if they mean any children or just his children???

if so then this is the calculation

You told us:

Number of children maintenance will be paid for: 3 or more
Number of other children living in the non-resident parent's household: 2
Number of nights, on average, the non-resident parent has the child(ren): 52 to 103
The non-resident parent's net weekly income: £ 153
The non-resident parent is not claiming any benefits.
The parent with care is not claiming any benefits.
The weekly amount of child maintenance is approximately: £20

so a 4 weekly payment of £40 would be due to her - or am i missing something?

very confused with the whole thing and hope this can all get resolved as its not very healthy....

galvanizersbaby

dipsy wrote: »

the children do sometimes come back up here, but this presents its own problems .... I have 2 children of my own and when his children come to stay they have to sleep on blow up beds in the front room which means we have no where to sit in the eve....have kitchen/diner and a front room

praying someone is going to call me up and offer a free extention on the house :D that would be the answer... if they had their own rooms they would be welcome here all the time.....

The break down of the money is

approx £50 for weekend car hire (+ £100 deposit)

£60 for accommodation

£120 fuel

£70 for food, entertainment/clothes etc

I still can't see how somebody with no income has the cash to pay out £600 per month and I can see why the ex is upset on the face of it tbh (not that she's right to bad mouth him in front of his children)
I'm not sure he can carry on with the situation as is indefinately - his best bet might be to find some paying work asap if his new business isn't making any money.

dipsy

I can kind of see from the mum's perspective that he isn't providing financially, it must be tough for her too,

I agree and can see it from her point of view totally.....however the distance is the thing that is costing the money and she did move them 250 miles away... I don't think my childrens dad would do that journey if I moved my kids away, well not every other weekend anyway, he earns good money and he wouldn't be able to afford the costs involved.

the reason my partner has been able to see the children is that his friends and family have supported him emotionally and financially over the last 2 years, with very little living costs so any spare he has he has been able to use to see the children.

especially as she sees him come to visit and (presumably, given that he spends £300 every other week) take the kids out to lots of exciting and expensive places every other weekend.

He doesn't do expensive/exciting things with them, maybe a trip to the swimming pool or the cinema thats about it really... they are totally not demanding in the money area, they share a drink and make it last.... I think they are made aware all the time by their mum that dad has no money.... which in my opinion at 9 + 7 they should not even be aware of the problems us adults face.

I'm not condoning her behaviour here, but just trying to look at things rom her side too.

I do see her side..... but this is only the tip of the iceberg.... she thinks that he should travel down to cover teacher training days, have them for 1/2 the summer holidays etc etc....I can only go on my own relationship with my childrens dad, he has them for 2 weeks during the holidays throughout the year, every other weekend - unless he has something on and then they stay with me and its not a drama, he doesn't pay me as much as he maybe should but I have never made money an issue with him....

..Maybe with some mediation they could come to some agreement about sharing the cost of visits, taking turns to collect and drop off the kids? -

how do they go about arranging mediation? I think this is maybe the way to go with all things considered.

galvanizersbaby

dipsy wrote: »

Hi I guess it means that he has an income, but as a new business has not yet produced accounts.... and he is using the little he has to go and see the children

have looked on CSA website and the amount he would have to pay based on the income /money he spends going to visit would be

You told us:

Number of children maintenance will be paid for: 3 or more
Number of other children living in the non-resident parent's household: 0
Number of nights, on average, the non-resident parent has the child(ren): 52 to 103
The non-resident parent's net weekly income: £ 153
The non-resident parent is not claiming any benefits.
The parent with care is not claiming any benefits.
The weekly amount of child maintenance is approximately: £25


which he would then divide between his ex wife and the mother of his other 2 children so a payment of £50 to her every 4 weeks.....

I somehow don't think this would satisfy her, but maybe this is the way to go, she gets some money and he will just have to trim back on his spend when he sees them.

However the real issue is what to do about her constant shouting and yelling and put downs in front of the children, however maybe if she was getting some money she would calm down....

however, bit confused here as I have never used the CSA there is a bit that asks about other children that live in the household..... not sure if they mean any children or just his children???

if so then this is the calculation

You told us:

Number of children maintenance will be paid for: 3 or more
Number of other children living in the non-resident parent's household: 2
Number of nights, on average, the non-resident parent has the child(ren): 52 to 103
The non-resident parent's net weekly income: £ 153
The non-resident parent is not claiming any benefits.
The parent with care is not claiming any benefits.
The weekly amount of child maintenance is approximately: £20

so a 4 weekly payment of £40 would be due to her - or am i missing something?

very confused with the whole thing and hope this can all get resolved as its not very healthy....

I'm confused too - I thought there were 2 children with the ex wife (not sure where 3 or more) comes in? - is it just the 2 children or has he more children with other partners?
I don't know much about the csa myself

dipsy

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I still can't see how somebody with no income has the cash to pay out £600 per month and I can see why the ex is upset on the face of it tbh (not that she's right to bad mouth him in front of his children)
I'm not sure he can carry on with the situation as is indefinately - his best bet might be to find some paying work asap if his new business isn't making any money.

I hear what you are saying, and yes he could get a paid job, then he could pay her but he wouldn't be able to see the children as he always travels down on a friday to collect them, and no job in the world is going to let you have every other friday off that is 26 days alone and most people don't get that kind of holiday entitlement......

dipsy

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I'm confused too - I thought there were 2 children with the ex wife (not sure where 3 or more) comes in? - is it just the 2 children or has he more children with other partners?
I don't know much about the csa myself

sorry not being clear... he has 2 other children with a previous partner aged 15 & 17....... almost forgot about their mum as she is so nice and no bother :-)

mouseymousey99

mmmm We had a situation where my chaps x refused access totally - turned into a nightmare in legal fees etc.
Anyway - do I understand that your partner hasn't gone down the legal route so far? Mediation centre details in our case come from court literature (may be worth calling your local Magistrates/Family court - they should be in the book).
On a practical level - could your chap cut some costs here - maybe by coach travel? I can see both points of view, its a hell of an amount of money; perhaps come back later at night and save the B&B - I realise how long the journey is -but needs must etc etc
If/when your chap works f/t this is going to be impossible - perhaps better to cut some of the visits - keep in contact in other ways inbetween?(I know this won't be popular)...
Anyone in the family could help with the situation? Maybe an aunt/uncle to interceed? I imagine the issues are getting pretty bad for the children?
Also just to say - It can't be easy for you too.