advice please

dipsy

do I understand that your partner hasn't gone down the legal route so far? Mediation centre details in our case come from court literature (may be worth calling your local Magistrates/Family court - they should be in the book).

nothing legal as yet, he wants to go to mediation to try and resolve some of the issues as the children are being affected and he had to leave them both last night with their mum whilst they were still upset.

I guess that mediation would have to be down in her neck of the woods as I think getting her to agree will be an issue and she def won't travel out of her way to attend.

Will do a search for family court in her area to find out some more details so thanks for that.


On a practical level - could your chap cut some costs here - maybe by coach travel? I can see both points of view, its a hell of an amount of money; perhaps come back later at night and save the B&B - I realise how long the journey is -but needs must etc etc

He has done train travel in the past, but i didn't really save anything as he then needed to get taxis to pick the children up and drop them off and get back to the station as their mum wont drop them to the place he stays. Will check out the coaches.

If/when your chap works f/t this is going to be impossible - perhaps better to cut some of the visits - keep in contact in other ways inbetween?(I know this won't be popular)...

I don't think there is any easy answer at all.....

Anyone in the family could help with the situation? Maybe an aunt/uncle to interceed? I imagine the issues are getting pretty bad for the children?
Also just to say - It can't be easy for you too.[/QUOTE]

Maybe his sister, might suggest it she still speaks with his ex.... yes not nice for the children at all...

galvanizersbaby

dipsy wrote: »

sorry not being clear... he has 2 other children with a previous partner aged 15 & 17....... almost forgot about their mum as she is so nice and no bother :-)

OK, I see now - does he pay anything for his other 2 children?
How does she support the children? - if she is asking for maintenance then assumably she is in need of it?

I guess because of the situation with access your partner has poured money and efforts in to this - I think first priority should be to arrange the maintenance and then if there is only enough money for one weekend trip a month (though hard on the children as they are used to more) the parents will have to negotiate with travelling arrangements etc...
Hopefully mediation will help with this and maybe as you say their mother will be a bit more amicable if she is receiving maintenance to help with the childrens upbringing.

cheepskate_2

dipsy wrote: »

the children do sometimes come back up here, but this presents its own problems .... I have 2 children of my own and when his children come to stay they have to sleep on blow up beds in the front room


Hi

Is there a reason the kids cant share, if there is only one room, then another set of bunk beds would be usefull

dipsy

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

OK, I see now - does he pay anything for his other 2 children?
How does she support the children? - if she is asking for maintenance then assumably she is in need of it?


I have no doubt she needs it....... but the main priority is at the moment to make sure that the children are no longer witness to her constant bad behaviour in front of them....

I guess because of the situation with access your partner has poured money and efforts in to this - I think first priority should be to arrange the maintenance and then if there is only enough money for one weekend trip a month (though hard on the children as they are used to more) the parents will have to negotiate with travelling arrangements etc...
Hopefully mediation will help with this and maybe as you say their mother will be a bit more amicable if she is receiving maintenance to help with the childrens upbringing.

Just called to find out about mediation in her area as I know that it will have to take place there..... I think the costs will prevent this from happening :-( £70 each for the first appointment and then £140 each for subsequent appointments she will never agree to this.....


going off to bang my head on my desk .....

dipsy

cheepskate wrote: »

dipsy wrote: »

the children do sometimes come back up here, but this presents its own problems .... I have 2 children of my own and when his children come to stay they have to sleep on blow up beds in the front room


Hi

Is there a reason the kids cant share, if there is only one room, then another set of bunk beds would be usefull

My son is 15, plays on his xbox till late at night and so sleeping in his room is not an option and my daughter has a box room with a high rise bed with desk underneath, not enough room to swing a fly let alone a cat.....

galvanizersbaby

dipsy wrote: »

Just called to find out about mediation in her area as I know that it will have to take place there..... I think the costs will prevent this from happening :-( £70 each for the first appointment and then £140 each for subsequent appointments she will never agree to this.....


going off to bang my head on my desk .....

I think this is a bit of a catch 22 situation - I do see what you are saying about the mother's unacceptable behaviour in front of the children but if she does actually need the maintenance money to feed and clothe her children as the Parent responsible for their day to day care I am imagining that this is her first priority and for all we know could be overshadowing all else - not that she's right to behave like this and I can imagine how awful it must be for the children but on a practical level I can't see how you or their father are going to be able to effect how the mother behaves in front of them?!

Is it just the bad mouthing of their father or have you other concerns?

BallandChain

dipsy wrote: »

sorry not being clear... he has 2 other children with a previous partner aged 15 & 17....... almost forgot about their mum as she is so nice and no bother :-)

Does your partner pay any maintenance to these older children? You mention that his family and friends have supported him financially the past 2 years, I hope he is paying towards his keep at your house. I really think that you should find out more about his accounts as something is amiss. He is spending a small fortune on travel and doesn't appear to be able to support himself. I hope he is genuinely trying to get this business off the ground and not spinning you a line like he is with the mother of his other 2 kids.

glitterycloud

If your ex partner has your children every other weekend could they sleep over at their dads leaving you 2 spare rooms for the 2 younger children to stay in? you could arrange the weekends so your children are away with their dad and you have the 2 younger ones to stay?

emlou2009

i think as per the OP's OP (lol) the issue here isnt the maintenance or how to save money on seeing the children, its the irresponsible behaviour of the PWC. i feel sorry for the children, they have been ripped up from their home, moved 250 miles away from their home/school/friends/father and then the mother starts bad mouthing the father and causing scenes in front of the children. the very worst thing he could do in this situation is cut down the amount he sees his children IMO, she could very easily twist it and make it sound like he doesnt care, especially if she says she needs him to take the children so she can have a break from them.

which makes me wonder if, getting back to the OP's point instead of CSA etc, is the PWC's behaviour always this unreasonable? you say the son was scared, could this be something social services need to get involved in? or something a grandparent could help with?

Savvy_Sue

dipsy wrote: »

Can he speak with the school and ask for any letters that go home - does he have a right to do this?

If he has parental responsibility (which he will if they were married when the children were born) then yes, absolutely he can. I suspect he would need to write to their schools and request copies to be posted to him of every letter which goes in each child's school bag ... It may take a while. He could also phone and check when regular newsletters are sent out, and school reports, to make sure he gets them. Or ask for these things to be emailed.

the idea of buying a couple of cheap outfits and leaving them at your house sounds like a good one. He can take them down with him, get them changed before leaving, and get them changed when they get back. If the ex wants to be that petty ...