A new start for Mooloo

daska

Mooloo wrote: »

Re the other< not sure I am old enough to qualify, I am only 48! But that was just a very quick glance at it.

The site is a little misleading. Although it looks aimed at only elderly people their service is also available to disabled people. This is why it really would be worth your while considering contacting Adult Social Services about your need for support in your Parenting Role. Think of it as a 'passport' to a lot of other bits of support that will make things easier for all of you.

You appear to be losing out because of the disjointed approach that has resulted from separating Adult and Child Services. If they had put in appropriate support you could have considered whether it might be possible to take on your grandsons as well. Social Services should have been helping you to achieve this if it was what you and twin2 wanted but instead it seems they've placed obstacles in your way that meant you felt you had to refuse because you couldn't cope in your current housing or with your current health problems.

Savvy_sewing

daska wrote: »

The site is a little misleading. Although it looks aimed at only elderly people their service is also available to disabled people. This is why it really would be worth your while considering contacting Adult Social Services about your need for support in your Parenting Role. Think of it as a 'passport' to a lot of other bits of support that will make things easier for all of you.

You appear to be losing out because of the disjointed approach that has resulted from separating Adult and Child Services. If they had put in appropriate support you could have considered whether it might be possible to take on your grandsons as well. Social Services should have been helping you to achieve this if it was what you and twin2 wanted but instead it seems they've placed obstacles in your way that meant you felt you had to refuse because you couldn't cope in your current housing or with your current health problems.

I have come to the conclusion that if there is any object they can put between me and a normal life, they have done so.!
Nothing is easy, its all stressful, and I think far to unnecessary.

Today i took Twin2 to see her boys, but I was not allowed to be part of the session. Idid get a glympse of the boys, when they arrived and when they were leaving and was allowed to say goodbye to them, but for the hour they were with Mum I had to sit outside in the car. It was pouring rain, and I felt totally dysmal. It hurt like hell that I had been going to see them for the last month and yet now that mum was back on the scene i was sidelined and just a taxi service.
Mum has lost her benefits, has no money, her new BF has also got nothing, and gave up his job to come back here and help support her getting her boys back, and so I am again playing taxi to them on Thursday to see the boys. (Well to her, he is not allowed at the meetings either).
I am very sore, and have put it down to the stress of it all.
Also the fact that I had to drive 52 miles today to do this.

I have managed to make contact with twin1's solicitors and ask them to investigate the case for twin1 again, they are getting back to me, as they think nobody can do the same case until 26th September. But as twin1 has learning difficulties we may be able to appeal this decision. They are getting back to me tomorrow.

Savvy_sewing

daska, the anchor site says its exclusively for those over 50, so I will have to hang on for 13months!.
But I will check out again, asking for Adult Services to help me.
Its been falling on deaf ears.
I think the problem I have is coordinating all the different things that I need to do.
I shall have to get a better grip on what is about the things I need to the things i have been fightling for the girls to do.
I now have a large note book, for my todo lists. And write the things I think of down in it as I go through the day, and then at the end of the day, I am starting to prioritise it for "today" "tomorrow" "next week" and "the week after"! so if I dont get it done its moved onto the next day, or where I feel the priority is, but I now need to think of the things that I am dealing with as a small business, and the paperwork times! I cannot think of another way of doing things. Its difficult to work out what the requests are for, or who they are for. I am not very organised.
I think there will be a motto on my grave saying "I must get organised, but I never did"!!

Keeping_Motivated

Mooloo when I read that Twin2 is now not getting any benefits my suspicious mind started to think is this why she said sorry? Sorry if that upsets you but I would not be giving her ANY money if I was you. They made the decision for him to give up his job and she could have applied for other benefits sooner if she had come back home when she was advised. Your life will never get easier if you bow to giving her money again. sorry if this offends you, its just my opinion but you have to do what works for you.

I am so sorry you did not get to see the boys and to be honest I cannot see a clear reason why you were not allowed? Its cruel that they treated you today x

Savvy_sewing

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Mooloo when I read that Twin2 is now not getting any benefits my suspicious mind started to think is this why she said sorry? Sorry if that upsets you but I would not be giving her ANY money if I was you. They made the decision for him to give up his job and she could have applied for other benefits sooner if she had come back home when she was advised. Your life will never get easier if you bow to giving her money again. sorry if this offends you, its just my opinion but you have to do what works for you.

I am so sorry you did not get to see the boys and to be honest I cannot see a clear reason why you were not allowed? Its cruel that they treated you today x

I have just finished writing a letter to the social worker to put it to her that it broke my heart, and that I am requesting reimbursement of the mileage, all 52 of them. I have also asked for creche facilities to be arranged for DGD if we are to be excluded again, and expected to do the trip.
I have not give twin2 any money, but I did buy a few bits for them to eat! However I have also told them what they have to do, and where they have to go, and that I am not doing it for them. The new BF had a todo list and i wrote on it a few things while I was there at lunchtime. He has already requested the number for the solicitor and one for the doctors. I have warned him that she needs the implant and that if they were to have any children of their own that that child would also be under a care order. He seemed to understand. He has finished painting the kitchen and cleaned the place up well while we were out.
I will and am struggling to cut her off/out. But I have been firmer about things. I will just have to firm up even more.

I do have a few photographs of the boys today, as she took my camera into the meeting. They are now on my laptop.

Got to go, Twin1 has cooked us a prawn risotto! Yummy

Keeping_Motivated

Was Twin2 upset to leave the boys or does she not comprehend still?

Savvy_sewing

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Was Twin2 upset to leave the boys or does she not comprehend still?

She was devistated.She cried most of the way home. I think that now that she has seen them she has realised that she has lost a lot. It was tough for both of us.
I am still going to try to get my life back first. I have told her I will take her this week, but she needs to get the public transport sorted out. However I know that she will not be able to work that out, all the changes and the connections, so I am hoping that her new BF has taken this on board and will get he doing.

Errata

If the BF can get her organised it would make a great deal of difference as he would realise exactly what she's capable of doing and what she isn't.

It seems so unfair that DGD has to be hauled around in a car and possibly looked after by a stranger for an hour when her time should be spent on things that will benefit her and that she will enjoy.

It sounds like you're still stuck between a rock and a hard place and being pulled emotionally and practically hither and thither. Is it time for you to think about whose needs must take priority and whose needs must come second and third ?

Keeping_Motivated

Mooloo wrote: »

She was devistated.She cried most of the way home. I think that now that she has seen them she has realised that she has lost a lot.

As harrowing at this is to read and for her and you to go through, its a good sign that she actually has that bond and comprehension. Does she think she will get the boys back?

Savvy_sewing

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

As harrowing at this is to read and for her and you to go through, its a good sign that she actually has that bond and comprehension. Does she think she will get the boys back?

She though that the meeting last week had gone well and was under the impression that she would get them back. But the conversation I had with the Social Worker incharge of her case, I got a different impression. This is why I am urging her to get a solicitor in Family Law, and gave them a number my solicitor recommended.

I am worried about DGD and thats why I had to make the decision to let her stay with her Mum and twin2's BF, as the Health Visitor was not happy if I leave twin1 wth DGD for more than a few hours.
I couldnt keep her in the car from 9am to 1pm otherwise!
I have written to the social worker and put my point of view accross. I shall be printing it off and posting it in the morning.