My mum never paid for us...! any help appreciated!

freebie-fan-jen

blonde bint: thanks for your advice, i am totally comfortable with the past, i wont be upsetting myself or anyone else for that matter, my siblings think exactly the same.

zara: i think you will see i said 'I DONT THINK I HATE HER ENOUGH' ie. im not going to do it. im not after this for revenge.

kelloggs: thanks i will look into it, i asked my dad whether it was open or not and he seemed to think it still was though he hasnt heard anything from them in a while. he just said if its closed does that mean he can sue for it? i think hes more determined than i am! if a case is closed can it be reopened? there are arrears, a few years ago i seem to remember him telling me it was over £5000 because she never had any contact with us, i will have to ask him but to be honest i think he has given up a bit. the csa seem determined to take money from fathers but when its mothers it seems to be more lenient.

blonde bint: dont worry, ive got my head screwed on right! havent got my hopes up too much!

mckneff: im only going to say this once more. MY MUM DOESNT HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS. its a fact. i would know. please listen to me. just because she did something which is incomprehensable to everyone else, doesnt mean she wouldnt do it. is everyone who does something unusual suddenly mental now? she did it because she was selfish. please listen to me.

mckneff again: i am not putting myself or my family through anguish or anything else for that matter. they are 100% behind me. i have my head screwed on, i have a flat and responsibilities, a brilliant education. i have dealt with this. does this sound like someone who is emotionally unstable as you are suggesting? honestly you arent listening to me. im not out for revenge as you are suggesting. if you havent got anything constructive to say i would ask that you please dont comment. there are other people on here who really are helping me.

McKneff

No one accused you of being emotionally unstable, but i think your mum probably was (as well as being selfish)

I am saying things that are constructive but you just want everyone to agree with you and slag off your mum.

You came on here asking for advice, it was given iwith the best of intentions but you just dont want to listen to anything that conflicts with your ideas.

So why are you doing this now and not 2 years ago or 3 years ago.

Zara33

Of course it's revenge, you are now unemployed you expect this money from her now because of your circumstances. Assuming there is actually any arrears! you have stated that she left jobs to avoid payment, so what happens if there actually is a nil assessment then what?

kelloggs36

I stated that you are deluded as you are of the opinion that anybody who does not want to maintain their children are mentally unstable, which is NOT the case.

PlayingHardball

I agree totally with Kelloggs - And I have personal experience of a non paying ex who has decided that keeping his lifestyle is more important than supporting his child. My ex is anything but mentally ill! He is purely a very selfish person. They do exist out there! Where did all this talk of mental illness come into this thread, anyway? Surely most non paying NRP are selfish people.

I think that you are doing the right thing Jen, no parent should walk away from their children and not be financially accountable. From what I can read, you are pursuing this for financial reasons and not through bitterness, which is good and I hope you succeed.

PlayingHardball

Opps....I meant NRP who don't pay! Sorry, no offense to all the wonderful NRP who are caring and generous to their children xx MY ADMIRATION to those of you.

McKneff

kelloggs36 wrote: »

I stated that you are deluded as you are of the opinion that anybody who does not want to maintain their children are mentally unstable, which is NOT the case.

i said mental problems, not mentally unstable.
Maybe i should have said emotionally unstable. And i agree that no parent, either male or female should not pay towards the upkeep of their children, but I'm sure i have said that in an earlier post.
The OP is doing this purely for personal financial reasons. Anyway no one is compeltely right in these discussions. I dont take back a word i have said.

kelloggs36

I don't agree that being selfish is a mental problem and selfishness is purely what it amounts to.

The OP has a parent who has chosen to put themselves first rather than their children and so must have to face up to the fact that they had a responsibility - they may have got away with it thusfar but that does not mean that they should do so indefinately. If there is a CSA case open with arrears on it, then the OP should make sure that they get what they are entitled to.

PlayingHardball

I am quite new to these discussions and I really wish that things didn't get quite so muddled therein....SELFISH is selfish, I have grave doubts that mental problems come into the majority of these situations, certainly not in the OP situation, so why even discuss it in this thread? A non paying parent in my esteem is equal to a slug (but I'm no gardener)

McKneff

First of all, lets get things straight, we are talking finances here, the OP is entitleld to nothing. The father of the OP is entitled to anything outstanding in arrears there are.

Another thing, Lets go back a lot of years, The OP starts by being left virtually on the doorstep by her mother.But what happend before then. The OP is taking her fathers side, which is natural because she has lived with her father and stepmother for most of her life.
Does she know why father and mother split up. Maybe her mother ran away with the kids, why. Was he beating her, another woman maybe.
Maybe her father (selfishlyh) left the mother with three kids and no money, hence revenge on the fathr by the mother by doing what she did. (maybe her mother didnt teach her how to be a mother) Maybe there was another man. Not one of us knows what drove her to this but something must have and the OP will only know what her father and stepmother tell her. Which of course, as we all see will be gospel.

Whatever happens i hope the op and her family eventually have peace of mind,
but it seems that it will only happen to the OP if cash changes hands and that is sad, really really sad in my opinion.

On that note, i will make a graceful withdrawal from this thread, i have said my piece and tried to make peace between the OP and her mum, but she is dragged down by brainwashed negativity and only time will change that and I now feel i am wasting my time. Ni' night all.