My mum never paid for us...! any help appreciated!

cte1111

If your Dad has an open claim with the CSA, then the next step is to make one last attempt to get them to chase your Mum for payments. Then he should make a complaint with the CSA. Next step is to approach your MP, who will be able to help escalate the case, and might well be able to get the CSA to actually take some action.

catenorfolk

McKneff wrote: »

Its not a case of being treated differently. She may have had mental problems, possibly so, so none of us can judge, how could she support her kids mentally and financially if that is the case.

There is a big difference between a father who sods off with the next door bimbo and who wont or cant pay and a mentally ill mum who lives on benefits. Like I say we cannot know and never will so who are we to judge.

Every case is different and no one knows all the answers. I was just suggesting that the kids dont judge her too harshly till they know both sides of the story.

As you say we really dont know the situation. Some of the nrp fathers, they may be mentally ill living on benefits. No-one should judge adult until they know the full story. As you say, and i quite agree, there is a big difference between an NRP (male or female) who sods off with the next door bimbo (male or female) and a mentally ill NRP (male or female) who lives on benefits. Really the cap can fit either sex!!

freebie-fan-jen

cranky40: thanks for that, ill be chasing that one up

cte1111: as my brother has only just turned 18, i would assume it would still be open? i will ask my dad. im not 100% as to when she should have stopped paying for us but we all finished sixth form at 18 where we were in full time education??

catenorfolk: again thank you i assure you she is not mentally ill...just a b***h!! she hasnt phoned/wrote/anything in about 10 years so its her loss really!!

thank you all again, you've been brilliant! x

McKneff

Hate ask this but do you know that she is still alive.

freebie-fan-jen

i worked at the local council and hate to say it, but i knew she lived in a council house and knew the address (because i used to live there) so checked her rent account...def still alive! i dont know why csa have had so much trouble getting hold of her...shes lived in the same place ever since!! xx

McKneff

I hate to say it but you are stirring up emotional turmoil for yourself, your siblings and probably your dad and stepmum. Ask them all, do they really want you to do this. If she hasnt been able to afford to send money over the last 10 years what makes you think she can (or will) now.
Obviously its in your hands but it would be easier to just get on with your life in spite of her desertion. Hope you appreciate your dad and step mum. They have done a great job at bringing you all up. Can you imagine you would have done what you have now if you had stayed with your mum. I think not. So you actually have a lot to be thank ful for. Ta Ta for now.

stokefan

McKneff wrote: »

I hate to say it but you are stirring up emotional turmoil for yourself, your siblings and probably your dad and stepmum. Ask them all, do they really want you to do this. If she hasnt been able to afford to send money over the last 10 years what makes you think she can (or will) now.
Obviously its in your hands but it would be easier to just get on with your life in spite of her desertion. Hope you appreciate your dad and step mum. They have done a great job at bringing you all up. Can you imagine you would have done what you have now if you had stayed with your mum. I think not. So you actually have a lot to be thank ful for. Ta Ta for now.

what if it was the father doing what the mother has done?? are you sure your opinion wouldnt be different then???

Barneysmom

Op you're 20 years old, old enough to stand on your own 2 feet and make your own way in the world.
Why now at your age do you suddenly want to find your mom and demand money off her?
I wonder exactly how much money you think your mom should give you? Hundreds? Thousands maybe? Enough so you never have to work again?

Or is it something deeper, maybe you just feel you need to see her,to ask why?

We spent years trying to find our dad, then eventually found out he'd died 20 years ago.

Maybe you should give her a ring and try to heal the breach before it's too late?

marksoton

McKneff wrote: »

Please dont think too badly of your mum, there must have been major reasons why she did this.

And why is that ? Because she is a mother not a father....

Female NRP's are actually far more likely to be non compliant than their male counterparts.

marksoton

McKneff wrote: »

There is a big difference between a father who sods off with the next door bimbo and who wont or cant pay and a mentally ill mum who lives on benefits. Like I say we cannot know and never will so who are we to judge.

You say we cannot know and then paint some ridiculous and highly unlikely scenarios.

The worst bit is i suspect a fair proportion of society probably share these predisposed ideas about the sexes and their role in parenthood. :rolleyes: