My mum never paid for us...! any help appreciated!

freebie-fan-jen

Hi please be gentle, first post!!

basically i lived with my real mum and my brother and sister, and one day my mum dropped us on my dads doorstep with a note basically saying we were to live with her from now on. i was about 9, my sister 8 and my brother 7. we lived with my dad and step mum which was fantastic and i think we went and saw our real mum about 5 times in total and then she stopped meeting us.

back then my dad wasnt the wealthiest person so he applied for child support for all of us. my mum decided she didnt want to pay so she kept leaving jobs for silly reasons and being unemployed etc so my dad couldnt get the money for us. we struggled for quite a while until my dad got a better job and from then on weve all been fine.

ive had a great upbringing but this has always been on the back of my mind. my dad is a very busy man, and the csa wont usually talk to my step mum for some reason, im just wondering if there is anything i can do as one of the children!?

i am 20 now, im unemployed so could do with a bit of help!! (my dad has always insisted that the money would be ours to pay for something sensible like college or a car to get us started)

basically my question is is there anything i can do? ie write a letter to csa/mp. my dad has no objections, he has kind of given up with chasing them us seeing as it has been like 10 years since she dropped us off! i know my mums mobile number through a friend of the family and just wonder if they would accept my help??

i know this is a lot of jibberish but im a bit unclear on some details as i was quite young when all of this happened!! i do understand that she was claiming benefits for us when we werent living with her but dont know if anyone knows it!

any help would be greatly appreciated!!

love jen x:o

stokefan

I cant really advise on this, but i would like to add, that i think your dad is a great bloke (by the sounds of it) and this shows that all men (like me) aint to**ers, and women can be bi**ches aswell

Blonde_Bint

Well put stoke fan, cuts both ways it does. For me Freebie Fan Jen, I think at your ages 20 19 18 is it, the time has probably past for getting money out of your NRP it seems if a case isnt left open you have to first open one and can only claim from the date the case was opened.

Kelloggs is good with stuff like this, you probably wont have to wait long. and good luck. btw if your mum was so willing to leave you with your dad you were better off there anyway. she is the one who lost out not you, your children only grow up once you cannot put that off for a later date. so there were slim pickens in the household at some stages, all households go through that at one time or another. For me I wouldnt want her money shes welcome to it, if my parent doesnt want to pay towords me stuff them but I would cut off my nose to spite my face lol.

Fran

Hi,

As you are 20 you are independent and even though you want to help your dad it is really up to him to chase CSA etc. You could spend your time better looking for options available for yourself, colleges have funds for people with little or no income if that's what you have in mind. Speak to a Careers Advisor, even if you don't think it's relevant they might have information about opportunities you don't know about.

McKneff

Like the others i think i would put a full stop to it all.
Look ahead, not back.
Please dont think too badly of your mum, there must have been major reasons why she did this.
One day she will tell you and you may understand better. At a young age everything is just black or white..
Forget the money she should have paid your dad towards your upkeep and think positively forward.
Good luck to you all.

kelloggs36

If the CSA case is open and arrears owed on it, then you could always write the letter and your dad sign it as it should be via him as he is the PWC. If there was no CSA case then it is I'm afraid too late.

catenorfolk

McKneff wrote: »

Please dont think too badly of your mum, there must have been major reasons why she did this.

.

there may be reasons, everyone has reasons, but she still should have helped support her kids. many people on here moan about fathers that dont help support their kids so why should a mum that doesn't help support her kids get treated differently!!

McKneff

catenorfolk wrote: »

there may be reasons, everyone has reasons, but she still should have helped support her kids. many people on here moan about fathers that dont help support their kids so why should a mum that doesn't help support her kids get treated differently!!

Its not a case of being treated differently. She may have had mental problems, possibly so, so none of us can judge, how could she support her kids mentally and financially if that is the case.

There is a big difference between a father who sods off with the next door bimbo and who wont or cant pay and a mentally ill mum who lives on benefits. Like I say we cannot know and never will so who are we to judge.

Every case is different and no one knows all the answers. I was just suggesting that the kids dont judge her too harshly till they know both sides of the story.

stokefan

McKneff wrote: »

Its not a case of being treated differently. She may have had mental problems, possibly so, so none of us can judge, how could she support her kids mentally and financially if that is the case.

There is a big difference between a father who sods off with the next door bimbo and who wont or cant pay and a mentally ill mum who lives on benefits. Like I say we cannot know and never will so who are we to judge.

Every case is different and no one knows all the answers. I was just suggesting that the kids dont judge her too harshly till they know both sides of the story.

seems like your judging all men!! THE OP seems to tell us as much of the story as we need to know to form our own opinions, forums will never give you both sides of the arguement

freebie-fan-jen

stokefan: my dad is pretty fantastic providing for 5 kids and a wife and one of the reasons for me even asking about this is to help him out a bit!!

blonde bint: i knew that she didnt have to pay for us after we left full time education or something (we've all done a levels at school) but i didnt know there was a time limit, seems awful that she can turn the other cheek and ignore the csa and there is nothing they will do about it!!

fran: i dont have to do it for my dad, hes just at a loss as to what he can do, he has chased them and chased them and as he doesnt come on here i thought i would see what helpful advice you guys could give me to pass on or possibly tackle myself!

mckneff: my real mum has no mental problems, she just decided that she would rather be with her many boyfriends, going on frequent holidays instead of looking after her kids!

kelloggs: in all honesty i dont know if its open or not, i will have to check with my dad. i assumed that if you have kids you have to pay for them and that was that!! i was so obviously wrong! it makes it very easy for people to not pay!!

catenorfolk: i am of exactly the same opinion!! i cannot believe the csa lets people get away with it!! you hear about people having doe's but nothing of the sort in my situation

thank you all for your help xxx

CRANKY40

Your dad can nominate you to be his representative in his CSA case. All he has to do is write a letter giving your details and stating that the case may be discussed with you in future. I'd either fax it or send it recorded delivery once he has written it if I were you. They do tend to go astray those type of letters.....