My mum never paid for us...! any help appreciated!

McKneff

stokefan wrote: »

what if it was the father doing what the mother has done?? are you sure your opinion wouldnt be different then???

My opinion would be exactly the same. Why do you think it would be any different.

McKneff

marksoton wrote: »

You say we cannot know and then paint some ridiculous and highly unlikely scenarios.

The worst bit is i suspect a fair proportion of society probably share these predisposed ideas about the sexes and their role in parenthood. :rolleyes:

Your statement about it being highly unlikely is pretty ridiculous, both situations happen on a daily basis thoughout the world.

i went from the ridiculous to the sublime to point out that there are a million scenarios inbetween the two. My OH lost his mother at two years of age and father was left with 3 children under 4, This was in 1946 he brought them up on his own, hand made their clothes on an old singer sewing machine, knitted jumpers for school, he even made his own daughter's wedding dress and hers and my wedding cake so you dont need to remind me about the sexes and their role in parenthood. Every situation is different. Male or female, doesnt matter to me.

Mojisola

McKneff wrote: »

Like the others i think i would put a full stop to it all.
Look ahead, not back.

Forget the money she should have paid your dad towards your upkeep and think positively forward.
Good luck to you all.

I would do this. She wasn't good for you - let her go. You've got a great dad and step-mum.

gizmo111

My daughter justturned 16 feels very much like you - her father hasn't paid anything for 8 1/2 years and she hasn't seen him in that time. Now he wants to make contact and she and her younger sister don't want to know, althouhg she says it would be nice to meet to pick up the maintainence cheque, that would have eased my financial struggle bringing them up by myself.
Me I don't regret a minute of it and have 2 lovely daughters, his parents have spent years making excuses for him and pointing out the things I shouldn't have (MIL suggested once that I sold my car and used bus to ease finances rather than recognise that her son should have paid some maintenance) and now my girls are of an age where they have seen me work and raise them and are on the brink of choosing well paid careers for themselves, all without him.
I would say to you that you just need to let it go, buy your step mum a bunch of flowers and your dad a treat, and just keep the knowledge that she has missed all your formative years and any freindship/bond that she could have had with her children, which at some point she will regret. She may have the money but your dad is the rich one in terms of having his children's love and respect.

stokefan

McKneff wrote: »

My opinion would be exactly the same. Why do you think it would be any different.

because you seems very bitter about men in general, i feel very bitter about my ex, but i dont judge all women by the way i was treated by her.

gismo111, well hes a scum bag dad who should be ashamed of himself.

marksoton

McKneff wrote: »

Your statement about it being highly unlikely is pretty ridiculous, both situations happen on a daily basis thoughout the world.

i went from the ridiculous to the sublime to point out that there are a million scenarios inbetween the two. My OH lost his mother at two years of age and father was left with 3 children under 4, This was in 1946 he brought them up on his own, hand made their clothes on an old singer sewing machine, knitted jumpers for school, he even made his own daughter's wedding dress and hers and my wedding cake so you dont need to remind me about the sexes and their role in parenthood. Every situation is different. Male or female, doesnt matter to me.

No it's not that common. There are very few scenarios where child support is not payable,fact. I don't disagree all situations are different but in the eyes of the CSA this is hardly ever taken account of.

I don't care whether it is a mother or father the number of situations that abdicate you from paying for your child can pretty much be counted on one hand. The op has already said there was no mental issues btw.

McKneff

stokefan wrote: »

because you seems very bitter about men in general, i feel very bitter about my ex, but i dont judge all women by the way i was treated by her.

:rotfl:i really dont know where you got that from:rotfl:
you couldnt be more wrong, read my later post about my FIL

Had the positions been reversed i would have said
'please dont think too badly of your dad' would you then have accused me about being bitter about women in general - actually i quite like men but i couldnt eat a whole one.;)
You are seeing things that are not there and judging me.
Anyone who abandons there children should be ashamed but like i say there are always reasons from being a scumbag, male or female to more serious reasons.
And every absent parent whether male or female should pay for the upkeep of the children they have brought into the world.

freebie-fan-jen

mckneff: im not stirring anything up, all of my siblings and my parents feel the same, when absent fathers do this the csa get a doe or go to court etc but i feel with my real mum they have given up. i dont see why she should 'get away with it' when she brought us into the world and we had to struggle because she decided going on holiday was more important. she has a job now so i dont understand why everyone would give up now? if it was a debt collection company they wouldnt forget it so why would the csa?? she has been able to afford to send money, thats the silly thing. she has had jobs and gone on holiday more than a flight attendant!! you are looking into this too far...she owes money, i wanted help in finding out whether the csa would talk to me.

barneysmom: its not like im cashing in because she owes us money. and i have worked since i was 15 and the fact im unemployed (by redundancy with no pay) now makes me feel like i could really do with some help from the government right now! i dont want to find her, i know exactly where she lives, i wouldnt be demanding money from her ...thats what the csa should be for. and i havent come on here for advice on how to contact my mum. she has NEVER contacted me, thats in 10 or so years, its definitely too late. its nothing deeper apart from i just cant understand how the csa chase men but not women??

mojisola: i dont want any contact with my real mum, i would go through the csa

gizmo111: im so glad someone can see where i am coming from! i have come a long way without her and i am going to uni to become a lawyer (probably something to do with the csa! lol) i dont need anything from her, i dont feel she owes me anything because she left. i just feel my mum and dad struggled and she has no right to still live the life of luxury as though she has no children! thank you for your constructive advice

mckneff: yet again i say, in my situation there was no valid reason for her to leave us other than she had a boyfriend that she wanted to be with instead of her children. she felt keeping her money for herself and going on holiday was more important. she told us so herself, along with a lot of other nasty stuff.
you also say ''and every absent parent whether male or female should pay for the upkeep of the children they have brought into the world''

so why should my mum be any different?

Blob

hi

Personally, I think you have all the guts in the world to try this and wish you luck. Forget the reteric, you have teh right to this money, end of.

If you get your dad to make you a representive, then the CSA will have no option but to talk to you. you can either write to them yourself or get your Dad to and complain, put in teh information you have on her address and any information on her income. I would then think about trying to find out if she was on benefit and had any other income, and then talk to teh Benefit Fraud people, they will then go through the whole system and be interested where the money came from forthe holidays, ect!

Its a start but it will be fight and a half, but by the sound of it you have what it takes.

Good luck, and if you think I can help please ask.

freebie-fan-jen

blob: thanks for taking me seriously! everyone seems to think i have a vendetta against my real mum!

my dad doesnt mind me doing it or him doing it himself its just at the moment he is very busy and i am unemployed! i just figured while i spend so much time on the computer looking for jobs i can spend a little bit longer helping him out!

i cant remember her income unfortunately but i know she has a job at the moment, she is living alone *according to the council* and i also know that she was claiming benefit for us living there for a while when we werent and didnt tell the council, god knows who else she didnt tell!

im not sure whether to go to the fraud people because although i know she did claim benefits fraudulently for a while and was never caught, that would be another debt she owed therefore noone will get any money! also i dont know if i dislike her enough to get her in that much trouble

the ironic thing is when we were living with my real mum, she managed to go through the csa to get money from my dad, which of course he gave, and he also gave her cash!

thanks again!