Swapping kids rooms when son joins Forces

Any

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I really think this has the potential to blow up into something huge. your step son is probably already feeling a bit worried about heading off, it's a huge commitment and a big step from being a child to being a man. As someone who moved around a lot as a child I have to say there is a real security in having your own place and your own space, and some of the posters above have identified feeling completely out of place at home since their rooms were taken over. Don't make the mistake of thinking it's just a room - it's HOME for him and the loss of your home is a huge issue, especially if you are losing pretty much your whole life as you know it already.

The other thing that I don't think anyone else has picked up on is that this is your step son not your son. You've already alluded to the fact that there are tensions there. And I think step kids are always more likely to feel excluded or pushed out or that the 'real' kids are prioritised. If any of this is going on at all then you shouldn't ask him to give up his room.

So I guess I'm saying the opposite of most of the posters here. I think you should let him head off and leave his room for him as is. Yes it's ok to store his sister's stuff in there and maybe even let her use it to sleep over in if she has friends to stay (with his permission), but it's still his room. Once he's settled in and hopefully doesn't need it then it's ok to make gentle enquiries.

I have also noticed, that you are only considering his feelings. How about the daughter? Couldn't she feel that she is being pushed out? On the end of the day, it's a girl, not a boy (some men preffer the boys children to their girl children, as per RichardW here), she is in the age that she wants to bring other kids for sleep over, but she is not allowed...while there is a huge room empty waiting for the preffered child...

I say, the obvious solution is just to go out and buy a new house with 2 equal sized bedroom - for fairnes.

I know it will never be fair, as the boy had a big room for much longer time then your daughter will ever have it thanks to the age gap, but wouldn't it solve the problem?

No? No, I didn't think so. If just everyone had the money to satisfy all their children's whims, then we wouldn't probably even have this forum.

So you have to deal what you have in a fair share.

belfastgirl23

Any wrote: »

I have also noticed, that you are only considering his feelings. How about the daughter? Couldn't she feel that she is being pushed out? On the end of the day, it's a girl, not a boy (some men preffer the boys children to their girl children, as per RichardW here), she is in the age that she wants to bring other kids for sleep over, but she is not allowed...while there is a huge room empty waiting for the preffered child...

I say, the obvious solution is just to go out and buy a new house with 2 equal sized bedroom - for fairnes.

I know it will never be fair, as the boy had a big room for much longer time then your daughter will ever have it thanks to the age gap, but wouldn't it solve the problem?

No? No, I didn't think so. If just everyone had the money to satisfy all their children's whims, then we wouldn't probably even have this forum.

So you have to deal what you have in a fair share.

Nothing is changing for the daughter though, she's still in her home, in her room, with her family. And it didn't exactly sound like she was doing a lot of complaining. I do think that kids need different types of support at different times in their lives and that yes, DS probably needs more support right now than DD. But I guess the OP has to make up their own mind on this.

BeenieCat

[edit] Oops wrong thread :rotfl:

Any

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Nothing is changing for the daughter though, she's still in her home, in her room, with her family. And it didn't exactly sound like she was doing a lot of complaining. I do think that kids need different types of support at different times in their lives and that yes, DS probably needs more support right now than DD. But I guess the OP has to make up their own mind on this.

I think that if:
A/ he has made his own decision about his future
B/ decided for future with marines

that means that he is showing 2 facts:
A/ He can think as an adult and therefore see logic in the issue
B/ I don't think you are joining marines if you want to live very close to your family if you know what I mean. You join marines for the adventure etc going with it. I think that means that you want to be independent and stand on your own 2 legs...

I just think it has to be carefully handled. But you have to take in consideration both children.

PasturesNew

I think when the lad reaches 21 and the girl is about to go into big school, then's the time to do it.

She'll then have room to do her homework and girl stuff - he'll have a bolt hole.

Mappygirl

Maybe your DD could ask DS for the room? It'll be easier to take coming from his sister.

HTH and good luck x

PolishBigSpender

richardw wrote: »

Does she really need all that stuff?
Perhaps she could put some on ebay/gumtree or take it down the charity shop.

It is his room and he will need it when he comes back on leave to rest, there is no need to swap rooms about.
The time may be when he has left home and perhaps has a place with a partner, perhaps just wait a bit and see.

Good luck to him in his training.

I'd hate to have you as a parent, if your suggestion to someone having too much stuff is to automatically get rid of it.

choccybuttons

Hey

You could also suggest decorating his 'new' room before he goes to his specification. You know, some new furniture, perhaps a double bed if he doesnt have one, setting up a tv/dvd system so it perfect relaxing room when he does come home from leave. That way you can get him moved then decorate his old room when he is away.

Silaqui

I'd definitely give it straight to her. There is no sense in a nice big room sitting empty with your daughter stuck in a tiny little room.
When I went off to uni my sister moved straight into my old bedroom, and my mum redecorated her old room to a more neutral decor with a double futon bed. I didn't mind as all I needed was a bed to sleep in when I came home at odd weekends.
Surely it's the obvious option, and whether he's a step son or not surely he will see that it's common sense?
x

richardw

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

I'd hate to have you as a parent, if your suggestion to someone having too much stuff is to automatically get rid of it.

I only suggested 'some' of it. A good clear out every now and again is worth it.