Swapping kids rooms when son joins Forces

BungleGirl

richardw wrote: »

Sounds like you have issues with him.

I think that his behaviour is par-for-the course with teenagers.

Silverbird

I am the eldest of 4 kids. My sister and I shared a room (medium room) and my 2 brothers shared a very small 'box' room on bunkbeds.

When my sister moved temporarily away from home to Uni, we swapped rooms. The whole process took less than 1 week and my Dad painted the pink doors and cupboards blue for the boys (which I would have preferred as blue myself! Hehee)

It seemed a very natural process to us all because it would have been a 'waste' of a huge room for just 1 person when 2 could easily share it. As for me, I was loving having my own room and keeping it tidy (my sister hadn't) and it was my own space.

Saying that, when my sister returned home during the holidays she did often chuck things around 'my' room and demand more storage space and that I 'leave her in peace' and that it was her room as much as mine, which wasn't actually true any more (none of her stuff was in there). She disrespected me and my space and I was always relieved when she'd go again.

When she finished Uni she did demand our old room back and made things very awkward for everybody until this was done. When I left home she was moved back to the small room and the boys have the larger room again.

At the end of the day you are the head of the household and it's up to you to decide who is sleeping/living where and they've just got to live with it. Just make sure that your son is aware of your plans and that he personally moves any personal effects/information etc that he wouldn't want anybody else seeing/moving.

I know my experiences are slightly different to your situation, but hopefully this helps somewhat.

Any

I cannot see personally what the problem is.
If he is joining the Marines they will make sure he is not a spoiled daddy's boy. And treating him especially because he is a boy seems like making that of him (that what the treatment seems like to me).

He had the big room for long long time. Now is his sister's turn. It's only fair.

I would sit down with him as two adults (which he is, especially as he made such a big decision) and talk to him about it.
Just say - we love you very very much, and you will always have a place here even once you have your own house and you are married, but maybe now when you will only be spending here a little time as you have new and exciting life ahead, wouldn't you mind if your sister takes the bigger room and we will make her room homy for you?

Any

richardw wrote: »

Does she really need all that stuff?
Perhaps she could put some on ebay/gumtree or take it down the charity shop.

It is his room and he will need it when he comes back on leave to rest, there is no need to swap rooms about.
The time may be when he has left home and perhaps has a place with a partner, perhaps just wait a bit and see.

Good luck to him in his training.

I think that is ridiculous.
Has he paid for his room? No? Then I suspect it is a room in his parents house.
I am all for talking to him and making him think it's his decision, but this sounds like a man who only loves his son and doesn't give a damn about his daughter.

justmarried06

When I left home to go to university (at the age of 19 as had taken a year out) I had the biggest room - anything I wasn't taking to uni with me was put into tea chests and into the loft or garage. It was only unpacked when I'd 'properly' moved into a place of my own with the BF (now DH) a year after I'd graduated. My youngest brother who had the smallest room till then moved into the big one and when I was home on hols from uni I had the 'guest' room.

I can't see anything wrong with swapping the rooms - although talk it through with DS first

JM xx

Tigsteroonie

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Yes I know its seems daft when its your house but children get very territoral about their bedrooms.

Do they? When I was growing up, there was one large bedroom and one small for us two children - so my parents would decorate in neutral colours and then swap us around every six months, so that we got fair shares of the space. Whoever had the large bedroom also had the spare bed for guests, so occasionally had to put up with a grandparent in there.

I'd say, once the step-son is settled into his new life (i.e. if he doesn't return after two weeks), then it's fair to swap the rooms around.

cheepskate_2

i think a little talk to your step son may solve this problem.

Our eldest has just joined the raf, and this was one of the things he seemed to worry about. We have a 9 year old and son(19) and they both have thir own bedrooms both the same size. He for some reason thought when he moved out he would not be able to move back in again( or move in when on leave).

I dont know why he got this into his head, but was a big concern for him.

We keep it as his room totally when he left , but now the junk is kept there and cleared when he comes home for him. He now accepts the room can be used but his when he comes home

I would talk to him in a grown up way and ask him if he can move rooms( mabye after he has been home a few times), not now but mabye once he sees he will not really be using the room and that his sister would benefit more, and maybe do his new room up the way he would want it.

oystercatcher

My middle son will hopefully go off to Uni this autumn. he's already been told that once his exams are finished I want him to tidy and sort his room out so that it can be used by his younger brother who has a tiny box room. When he returns for holidays he can stay in the smaller room. The following year they will , hopefully, both be at Uni so they can chose which room to use. while they are gone I plan to have the rooms tidy and neutral so I can have guests. It's been a long long time since we've had space for anyone to stay here.

Of course they know they will always be welcome here but it is MY house, once they go to uni/ marines whatever these young adults are effectively leaving home and won't need their rooms for nearly as much time.

I don't see why OP's daughter should 'suffer' in a tiny room just so big brother can come to stay once in a blue moon. Hopefully when he does come home to visit he'll be socialising in the living room not sculking in his bedroom like a moody teenager! whereas the little girl will still be wanting to play in her room and the more space the better!

If he came back home permanently then would be the time to review the whole set up again and see who needed the big room most!

dizziblonde

My mum did it to me the week I went to university (it was partially done as a revenge thing cos I didn't live at home like she wanted), and she decorated the small room in her taste, plonked my bed in it and called it my room... I never felt at home in that house after that when I went home for holidays etc and I really really resented it. Had she asked me and started a discussion in it it would have been different - but being given that fait accompli done so abruptly still rankles to this day.

aliasojo

Pee wrote: »

The forces is more permanent than Uni. Some people come back from Uni and move back into home, whereas I think that is less likely to happen with the forces. Although of course he will want to leave stuff at yours.

I agree that if you don't talk to him about it, it'll feel like he's being pushed out, whereas you only want to make the best use of the space.

It might be best approached after the 26 weeks, as he might then be feeling much more independent.

Definitely agree with this.

I have a similar situation only my 9 year old asks my 19 year old if he's moving out and can she can have his room every time he stays overnight at his girlfriend's. :rolleyes: She lives in constant hope.

It makes more sense for the smallest room to be the least used and I think the best time to broach the subject is at the 26 week point, as already mentioned.

It is just plain silly imo, for your son to have a large room that's needed elsewhere when he's only going to use it occasionally. I think your husband's desire to keep the status quo may be more to do with his feelings about his son going off, and this is overshadowing his common sense about the room situation.

As long as your son knows he will always have a home base that he will be welcomed back to, I'm sure he'll get over any kneejerk reactions he may initially have about room ownership.