Swapping kids rooms when son joins Forces

BungleGirl

My 19 year old step-son is due to join the Royal Marines in September. He has the biggest bedroom in the house and my 9 year old daughter has the smallest room - it is really tiny! I think that at some point in the future it would be reasonable to let DD have the big room and DS have the smaller room.

I wonder what other peoples thoughts are on this?

He has 9 months of training and during this time will have two weeks leave twice and the odd long weekend. My daughter cannot fit all of her stuff in her room and it seems ridiculous to have a huge room going unused for all that time.

I'm not saying that the minute he is out the door I will be painting his room pink - at the moment I'm thinking that as after 26 weeks training (I think) he has his last chance to leave and that then would be a good time.

I spoke to my husband about this and he's not very keen - when he is talking about it he is talking about years down the line! We are all really worried about him being in the Marines and the risks involved but I still think that it is imortant that all the children are treated the same when they are at home.

I really don't want to get flamed for this, I am genuinely interested in others opinions and/or experiences. It is a difficult situation and I don't know anyone in the same situation. I don't in any way want DS to feel that he is not welcome in his own home etc.

BeenieCat

I would approach it with DS and see how he feels about it. I would try not to make a big deal out of it at first, i'd just make out like it had just dawned on me and what does he reckon, so it doesn't seem like you've been plotting!

tiamai_d

Have you asked DS what his thought are on this? Explain that as he won't be at home as much and his sister is getting to the age of spending more time in her bedroom with friends, she could do with the bigger room? The smaller room will always be his for when he needs it. Lets face it a 19 year old will use his room for sleeping and thats about it, whereas a 9 year old girl will still have toys, friends and usually a dresser with her make up She needs the space more.

mountainofdebt

I think that the offer for his sister to have his room must come from your son.

Yes I know its seems daft when its your house but children get very territoral about their bedrooms.

(TBH I don't think the issue of him going into the forces is any different from a child going to uni)

hellokitty08

I would have thought the he would be expecting this. Its not like your going to keep a room empty just for the odd weekend.

I would just sit your son down and tell him, that once his training has started and he effectivley moves out you think it would nice if he offered his bedroom to his sister. (maybe that would be a nice way to go about it)

You can offer to keep his stuff somewhere if possible, as he might think you would be expecting him to take it with him, or get rid of it.

You must make sure that you tell him that he is always welcome to come back to stay over (its his home to etc) and that you will be making space available for him somewhere (if your worried about upsetting him)

Hopefully it will go better then you expect.

Damn it, everyone getting in there with my idea, before i finished my slow typing! lol

BungleGirl

tiamai_d wrote: »

Have you asked DS what his thought are on this? Explain that as he won't be at home as much and his sister is getting to the age of spending more time in her bedroom with friends, she could do with the bigger room? The smaller room will always be his for when he needs it. Lets face it a 19 year old will use his room for sleeping and thats about it, whereas a 9 year old girl will still have toys, friends and usually a dresser with her make up She needs the space more.

Funny you should mention the make up...the sideboard in my dining room is now housing a mirror and all the glittery make up and nail varnish she got for her birthday last week!

richardw

BungleGirl wrote: »

My daughter cannot fit all of her stuff in her room.

Does she really need all that stuff?
Perhaps she could put some on ebay/gumtree or take it down the charity shop.

It is his room and he will need it when he comes back on leave to rest, there is no need to swap rooms about.
The time may be when he has left home and perhaps has a place with a partner, perhaps just wait a bit and see.

Good luck to him in his training.

tiamai_d

BungleGirl wrote: »

Funny you should mention the make up...the sideboard in my dining room is now housing a mirror and all the glittery make up and nail varnish she got for her birthday last week!

hehe, girls! I have two nieces around this age. Make up and 'trinket boxes' are a MUST!

Pee

The forces is more permanent than Uni. Some people come back from Uni and move back into home, whereas I think that is less likely to happen with the forces. Although of course he will want to leave stuff at yours.

I agree that if you don't talk to him about it, it'll feel like he's being pushed out, whereas you only want to make the best use of the space.

It might be best approached after the 26 weeks, as he might then be feeling much more independent.

BungleGirl

I like the idea of it being his decision...or at least him thinking that it's his decision. I am going to have a think about how best to raise the subject with him.

The difficulty is that he spends very little time at home at the moment and finding a good time to talk is quite tricky. He is all 'loved up' and any time that he is not with his girlfriend he just treats us with contempt! He knows that his behaviour is out of order because when his girlfriend is round he is really nice to us...but that's another story...

richardw

BungleGirl wrote: »

He is all 'loved up' and any time that he is not with his girlfriend he just treats us with contempt! He knows that his behaviour is out of order because when his girlfriend is round he is really nice to us...but that's another story...

Sounds like you have issues with him.