Marathons, Money and Motivation

savingholmes

CAFCGirl wrote: »

well my sister lives in darlington so we wanted to move somewhere where we would know someone.....DH did the journey the other day and it took about 2 hours but hes going to basically stay on station during his rest period between shifts and then come home on the break between days and nights, so he'll only be staying out 2 nights a week and then every 7 weeks he gets 18 days off together...... plus the ideal is for him to eventually get transferred to Darlington, but they werent recruiting, but they are rumoured to in dec so he'll apply for there as well, spread his bets a bit etc....

good thing is we wont have to pay rent at my sisters, just pay toward food (plus economies of scale for 4 saves a bit), and no rent to pay etc....

That makes more sense now you put it like that. The 18 days off together sounds good. With your sister - are you contributing anything to the household bills? While if you don't it will really help you out financially - it could in the end cause friction?

CAFCGirl wrote: »

feel like utter carp today.....

need to sort things out and its really bugging me now

Sorry you are still feeling rough - hope you find a way forward soon. Sounds promising if Darlington are possibly recruiting too. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do these things and sort everything out later.... It doesn't always help to over-analyse particularly if in practice your options are very limited

CAFCGirl

no thats all my sister wanted, we dont plan on being there long like 6 weeks....

i think we will give them something before we leave though in fair exchange

savingholmes

six weeks is doable isn't it. I thought you were talking about an open ended arrangements. Don't pressurise yourself to give them something... perhaps leave it open and say you will take them out for a treat when you are on your feet again!

Be happy - make some time for fun for you and OH this weekend and relax a little. It sounds like you are still feeling under a lot of pressure - you need to do something different to lift that... I still believe you are going to get thro this... Persevere it will make a difference in the end!

CAFCGirl

thanks hun.....

Im just struggling with how completely oblivious DH is to it all sometimes.
Its like I've told him I cant communicate with his debtors, its not in my name, and hes like well what am i supposed to say to them, so Ive told him to eplain the situation, ask what can be arranged and see what they say, and all he says is, im so much better at these things! Thats no ruddy help at all!!!!

He seems to forget that 70% of the debt is his, and another 20% is his but is in my name for balance transfer.....

And Im just fed up of being the only person who is concerned and worried about whats going to happen.
Hes just received a letter re his car, and they now want to repossess, so ive told him to phone them, and he's like well nothing i say will make a difference.... and its just so frustrating....

savingholmes

How much do you owe on the car?

You can write letters for him and get him to sign them and send them for him. He can also be there when you phone and give them permission to speak to you.

You will get thro this.

savingholmes

ps hugs to you both

CAFCGirl

i know i can do all that but maybe its just the stubborn part of me that thinks why should i?

a lot of what has happened has been down to decisions he made like leaving the police, and the majority of the debt is his and he just wont take any responsibility or ownership and im just really angry with him now

clearmydebts

CAFCGirl wrote: »

i know i can do all that but maybe its just the stubborn part of me that thinks why should i?

a lot of what has happened has been down to decisions he made like leaving the police, and the majority of the debt is his and he just wont take any responsibility or ownership and im just really angry with him now

Have to say I agree with you - and why should you have to worry about his debt all the time too. Sounds like your DH is a bit immature. Maybe if you tell him you are taking a back step and just paying your debts it might make him sit up and take notice. You have been struggling with this for months.

CAFCGirl

i doubt that very much.

He'll probably just ignore it as he has been doing for months, if not years.....

Its not as if he even ahs to worry about paying the rent, the council tax, food AND his debts......He just has to pay those!

Whereas im trying to pay those in my name plus all of the above, and we need to figure out whats going to happen because ive got two more months wages and then thats it....

And the point was he was going to be in charge of earning the money so that I could take a few months off to get well, and de-stress and just let whatever emotion hit me, Ive spent so long just running on autopilot, i need to "just be" and get over everything properly, rather than just hoping it will happen by being distracted by other things.....

doodledo_2

Hey chick sorry things are rough for you at the moment. Hubby definately hasn't had his lightbulb moment has he, it does sound like he is in a little bubble and hoping it will all go away.

You need to do something before your money ends don't you but I have no clue what to suggest.

Did you go down the IVA route in the end?