Marathons, Money and Motivation

doodledo_2

What do you mean? Move away??

CAFCGirl

yeah, i dont know really....

just every day feels like an uphill battle..... DH has been for his jsa interview today, and has tried to negotiate reduced payments to our debts and all theyve said is go into arrears, cancel your payments and then we'll be in contact....and thats all the help they give you!!

Its just all such a drag, and like everytime I want to take a step forward, its just not happening....

clearmydebts

How about you maybe looking for another job that is better paid? I know you love your job but money does seem to be a real issue and a better paid job might take away some of the stress. You strike me as someone who would adapt well in any work situation

doodledo_2

Would it be worth considering a DMP or IVA? Don't know much about them but it would at least take some of the stress away from you?

I went through a patch where it felt like everything bad happens at once and nothing you do is right. Things will get easier chick, just so much crap has come at once for you.

CAFCGirl

it has just literally been the year from hell and i just feel like i dont know my backside from my face......

DH and I have had some good chats about what we'd like to do in the future, and admittedly im not sure the job i am in right now is sustainable for years. I do love it though, and get so much out of it ....

starnac

hope you don't mind but can i tell you a bit about me and my situation? don't know whether it will help though :think:

CAFCGirl wrote: »

not really, just almost want to wipe the slate clean...somewhere further away....

i did just that. after i had DD i had PND. add that to a new house that we were struggling to afford on my mat pay and living so far away from my family i came home for a family visit and cried so hard to DH i thought i was going to be sick. i just didn't want to go home. we made the decision to move down to s. wales to be closer to my parents.

DD and myself moved just before christmas as i couldn't stand to live up north any longer but DH had to work his notice. it was so hard being away from him but we were 000's in debt and i now didn't have a job. luckily my parents let us stay with them. i managed to find a job in feb (not great money or the best hours - nights) but it was still a job. DH moved down and has really struggled to find a job - something i feel guilty about every day as it was my fault we moved. we couldn't sell our house so are renting it out til the market picks up.

so yes we have paid loads off our debts and yes i am much [STRIKE]happier[/STRIKE] calmer these days but i'm 27 and live with my parents and i have no friends nearby as they are all up north. i feel guilty about taking DD away from one set of GP's and also that DH can't get a job. i do (mostly) feel we made the right decision but i also feel i have taken a step backwards in that i am the "new girl" in a lower paid job and we will have to fight our way back into the housing market.

if you are serious about moving away then you really need to think it through. don't make a snap decision at your lowest moment like i did.

i don't know if this helps but it's turned into a long rambling post if it doesn't

clearmydebts

CAFCGirl wrote: »

it has just literally been the year from hell and i just feel like i dont know my backside from my face......

DH and I have had some good chats about what we'd like to do in the future, and admittedly im not sure the job i am in right now is sustainable for years. I do love it though, and get so much out of it ....

I think you have faced a very difficult year as well, and tbh I don't think there is anything left to throw at you, so I think you will start to turn the corner soon

Is there any family members that could give you a bridging loan, until you get back on your feet. It would enable you to stay in the job you love. Although, as you say,if it isn't too sustainable in the future maybe it is better to cut your losses now. Difficult decisions ahead for you. I do feel for you.

clearmydebts

starnac wrote: »

hope you don't mind but can i tell you a bit about me and my situation? don't know whether it will help though :think:



i did just that. after i had DD i had PND. add that to a new house that we were struggling to afford on my mat pay and living so far away from my family i came home for a family visit and cried so hard to DH i thought i was going to be sick. i just didn't want to go home. we made the decision to move down to s. wales to be closer to my parents.

DD and myself moved just before christmas as i couldn't stand to live up north any longer but DH had to work his notice. it was so hard being away from him but we were 000's in debt and i now didn't have a job. luckily my parents let us stay with them. i managed to find a job in feb (not great money or the best hours - nights) but it was still a job. DH moved down and has really struggled to find a job - something i feel guilty about every day as it was my fault we moved. we couldn't sell our house so are renting it out til the market picks up.

so yes we have paid loads off our debts and yes i am much [STRIKE]happier[/STRIKE] calmer these days but i'm 27 and live with my parents and i have no friends nearby as they are all up north. i feel guilty about taking DD away from one set of GP's and also that DH can't get a job. i do (mostly) feel we made the right decision but i also feel i have taken a step backwards in that i am the "new girl" in a lower paid job and we will have to fight our way back into the housing market.

if you are serious about moving away then you really need to think it through. don't make a snap decision at your lowest moment like i did.

i don't know if this helps but it's turned into a long rambling post if it doesn't

I am in a similar situation to you Starnac, in that myself and DH took about 100 steps backwards to move from Scotland to Southern England so he could pursue a 2 year music course. We were in debt already but the move certainly accelerated our debts and we also went from 2 good wages to one. I am lucky that I got a job I love with a decent wage but at times (especially when the bathroom in our rented place makes me gag) I think about the lovely 2 bed place we owned in Scotland. OH is stuggling to get a job and I know he feels really guilty as there is a baby on the way.

I am glad he did the course but I am struggling with renting at the moment. It's not that I want a huge place but I would love to have a little bedroom for the baby that doesn't have horrible rented carpet.

I also want to add that I am glad we moved as we were quite unhappy in Scotland but there are days when I want my dishwasher and my nice bathroom.

I would also urge you to think hard CAFC, cos you can't put a price on family and good friends being nearby. Saying that though, I can't see me ever moving back to Ireland!

CAFCGirl

Thanks Star. I appreciate you sharing your story. DH and I thought about moving up North before, around June last year, DH was applying for fire service up there, I was gonna have little one etc.... and then that all fell through...

I dont really know what i want at the moment, i just feel really lost.
I do love my job that Im in now im just not sure how long its sustainable emotionally and physically. I'm on my feet from 6am till 6:30pm, and it takes a lot emotionally. I love helping people and when you see the great changes people are experiencing under care its amazing, so I'd love to be able to continue that but I find sometimes its emotionally draining...
I cant ask my family for money, they've helped me enough as it is, and I still owe them money from before whichi am determined to pay back!!!

Now wheres this corner Im meant to be going round???

starnac

i know how you feel. as much as i would never want to move back as it holds too many "bad memories" for me now i soooooooo miss my lovely new kitchen (that someone else is now using and probably not treating it with the respect it deserves being as lovely as it is :mad:) and DD's beautiful pink nursery (which now has a 16yr old boy in it :eek::rotfl:)