In bed with my creditor ...

cocalls

hello there you're doing really well but i must admitt like a few others i dont get this challenge. Me and Oh have seperate finances too and put money into a joint acc for all bills so yep i get that bit and sometimes when he borrows a fiver off me then yep i want that back! So i get that bit. However, what i dont get is that by doing this you are only leaving yourself ith £35 to live on a month and he's paying for everything else when you go out etc.So in reality you're still borrowing from him and he's still bailing you out. Hope that doesn't sound too harsh. But it sounds v uneven to me. You mention that Oh isnt that fussed about getting the money back. Why dont you draw a line under this debt say whats done is done and create a SOa where you both can happily contribute your fair share to the household or maybe you make more over payments to the mortgage if you still want to repent for borrowing from OH.Good Luck.

cocalls

Sorry me again also what is your OH spending this money on? Im presuming its to pay for you both going out. Have you looked at a mortgage calculator and seen how much this overpayment would save you in interest & the term i bet its massive it would make much more sense doing that than paying him to substidise you which is what in effect you are doing.


Right i'll shut up now!

Raini

Crap_with_money.com wrote: »

Hi Raini! :hello:

I subscribed to your diary away back last week - so figured it was time to stop being rude and stop by to say hello!!

You're doing very well with the challenge so far - you don't half work a crazy amount of hours though - but it'll all be worth it I'm sure when you're debt free!

You're almost motivating me to get started on e-baying - just not sure that I actually have anything to sell - hhhhmmmmm maybe next month!

xx

Hi CWM :hello:, thanks for dropping in .

That's what I keep telling myself!! And actually I love working with patients so it's not hard work really. I feel much less tired this week as well so hopefully I'm getting used to it again. When I first started working here I used to do about this amount of hours so hopefully it will get a bit easier from now on...

Defo do ebay! I have some much stuff that I've been carrying around for years thinking I'll put that on ebay it's so nice to actually be getting rid of it all!

Nice to know I'm not talking to myself! x

Raini

cocalls wrote: »

hello there you're doing really well but i must admitt like a few others i dont get this challenge. Me and Oh have seperate finances too and put money into a joint acc for all bills so yep i get that bit and sometimes when he borrows a fiver off me then yep i want that back! So i get that bit. However, what i dont get is that by doing this you are only leaving yourself ith £35 to live on a month and he's paying for everything else when you go out etc.So in reality you're still borrowing from him and he's still bailing you out. Hope that doesn't sound too harsh. But it sounds v uneven to me. You mention that Oh isnt that fussed about getting the money back. Why dont you draw a line under this debt say whats done is done and create a SOa where you both can happily contribute your fair share to the household or maybe you make more over payments to the mortgage if you still want to repent for borrowing from OH.Good Luck.

Hi cocalls, thanks for popping in (I think! )

I'm going to try to explain again as maybe I haven't done that very well:

I got into debt before I met LB because I was stupid. We got serious & wanted to buy a house, this would have been difficult with my loan. OH wanted to sell his car anyway so did & gave me the money to pay off my loan. He said at the time that we could put it on the house - so if we split up he would get £9.5K more. But if we don't split up he wouldn't see the benefit of his money. So I said no I want to pay you back, we talked about it & the reality is that my car won't last that much longer & LB loves his cars & wants one with more power that he would be happy with. So we are going to get a car with the money. If we split up now he would obviously get the car.

cocalls wrote: »

Sorry me again also what is your OH spending this money on? Im presuming its to pay for you both going out. Have you looked at a mortgage calculator and seen how much this overpayment would save you in interest & the term i bet its massive it would make much more sense doing that than paying him to substidise you which is what in effect you are doing.


Right i'll shut up now!

I've not actually given LB a penny yet, it's in a savings account. So I'm not giving him money with one hand & taking it back with another!
He earns more than me but we pay half the bills each as I think it's fair but if we go out (which isn't very often or to expensive places) generally LB pays. The £35 a month means that I can pay for one evening a month generally. Out of that £35 I don't HAVE to pay for anything ... I have enough clothes to last a life time (& keep selling on ebay!) ... petrol, food, etc come out of the joint bills so personally I think it's fine. OK not ideal or what anyone would choose but people survive on a lot less so I'm not going to complain especially as I put myself in this position. Also, I know myself very well & whatever is in my purse will get spent, whether it was £40 or 40p it would just go on stuff that I don't really need.
We are already trying to over pay the mortgage via our joint account and obviously once I've paid LB back we will start doing this more.

Before I started this diary I didn't really think that people would have a problem with what I'm doing ... this makes sense to me ...

cocalls

sorry hope i didn't come across as too negative if you and your Oh are happy with this then that's great.Wishing you all the best.

Raini

cocalls wrote: »

sorry hope i didn't come across as too negative if you and your Oh are happy with this then that's great.Wishing you all the best.

It's OK ... you're not the first to not understand ... I guess I just thought people here would get it ...

I just can't not give LB his money back ... and believe me when I say that I have been in tears thinking about the fact the LB pays when we go out but ... I'd rather not go out & save the money ... but then obviously you can't be a complete hermit ...

If I work every weekend, long days, until December I should be able to give LB the money by Christmas! Yay that :T But boo the long days :eek: I just get so cross with myself thinking if I had just done some shifts last year I would be in a much better position :mad: But I guess you live & learn!! I have no idea if I'll be able to keep the long days up until December or if I will even get the shifts ... I just think I should keep trying for as long as I can ...

Crap_with_money.com

Raini wrote: »

Before I started this diary I didn't really think that people would have a problem with what I'm doing ... this makes sense to me ...

Hi Raini,

I understand why to some it may seem a bit mad - but I totally understand where you're coming from!

I think it's a great thing that you're trying to keep a little bit of independance - in the long-term if you stay together you'll both benefit - if not (which I'm sure won't happen), you won't feel quite so indebted to him!

As for him paying when you go out - it's very much "swings and roundabouts" in any relationship - I'm sure there will be lots of things in the future where you maybe end up paying more, and if not, there will be a lot more unquantifiable things where you'll input more than he does - so in the longrun - it all levels itself out!

As long as you're happy with it that's the main thing - and either way - it's quite a good thing to have something to aim for. Just "saving" for the sake of it - is maybes not the most exciting thing in the world!!

xx

Raini

Crap_with_money.com wrote: »

Hi Raini,

I understand why to some it may seem a bit mad - but I totally understand where you're coming from!

I think it's a great thing that you're trying to keep a little bit of independance - in the long-term if you stay together you'll both benefit - if not (which I'm sure won't happen), you won't feel quite so indebted to him!

As for him paying when you go out - it's very much "swings and roundabouts" in any relationship - I'm sure there will be lots of things in the future where you maybe end up paying more, and if not, there will be a lot more unquantifiable things where you'll input more than he does - so in the longrun - it all levels itself out!

As long as you're happy with it that's the main thing - and either way - it's quite a good thing to have something to aim for. Just "saving" for the sake of it - is maybes not the most exciting thing in the world!!

xx

THANKS :D:D

Needed that! If I get onto the course in September & qualify as a therapist I will probably earn more than LB so like you say it would be my turn to pay for stuff.

I like how happy LB is thinking that he can have a good car again as he didn't expect it

Thank you xx

mrscmr

u ok, Raini???

great on the ebaying.. keep going.. .just think a £1 in ur pocket is better than not!

you are going well... keep it up!!!! we are all here to support you!

hugs mrscmrxxx

Raini

mrscmr wrote: »

u ok, Raini???

great on the ebaying.. keep going.. .just think a £1 in ur pocket is better than not!

you are going well... keep it up!!!! we are all here to support you!

hugs mrscmrxxx

Yeah I'm OK lovely, just feeling sorry for myself! Thank you

Thank you for the support it means a lot ... it gets very tedious doing this!

*hugs right back at ya!* x