MSE Parents Club Part 3

cazscoob

SeptemberBaby wrote: »

Oh, and SIL must read this thread as she has now asked to long term 'borrow' the Silver X after me mentioning selling it last week! . Feel too mean to say no :rolleyes:.

xx

sell it to her lol!:rotfl:

feelinggood_2

Krystal and Susan are you (or did you) let your kiddies self-wean from breastfeeding?

Sami_Bee

SeptemberBaby wrote: »

Oh, and SIL must read this thread as she has now asked to long term 'borrow' the Silver X after me mentioning selling it last week! . Feel too mean to say no :rolleyes:.

xx

is it just me or are you slightly offended? I would never ask to do that even off my own sister.
I mean fair enough if she had said she'd buy it and you said just borrow it but to just presume...

cazscoob wrote: »

bruno we have charlie who is 18 months and sounds like your Lo with the screaming! we have found that the naughty step/corner/seat etc works. completely ignore him(hard i know!) until he stops and then give him lots of praise and basically make an idiot of yourself:D we have a lot of problems with charlie as he is a handful but biting is the main one at the mo, any tips appriciated!

who was it that gave the tip of turning the music up in the car when baby is screaming! i tried it today and it does work!!!

bite him back? :rotfl:that's what we used to do with puppies :rotfl:
I used to bite and kick but tbh I think I just grew out of it

redmel1621

Evening all

I haven't read back very far as there is a bit too much to read (and too little time) But something just struck a chord with me.

I was reading about the reward charts, and am sat feeling confused! I am also not sure how to explain what I am feeling.....Lately all I seem to do with my boys is use threats of punishment, so it will go something like this.....
"If you don't brush your teeth, NOW, your not going to your friends house"
"If you don't go to bed sensibly, you are not playing PS3 tomorrow"
etc. etc.....Imagine most of that being played out in a shouting voice while child is whining or messing around, and you will get the picture.

My initial reaction to reading about the charts is...oh my god, I feel so cruel now, I never reward my kids....but on thinking about it for another minute or two, I am now thinking maybe my method isn't too bad (although maybe I should give a few rewards/treats incentives sometimes!)

But as you live in society you barely get rewarded for behaving in an appropriate manner, however if you behave inappropriately, say, fighting/mugging/verbal abuse/murder...then there will always be consequences to bear, obviously in relation to the severity of the 'bad behaviour'...... So in a way I am preparing them for the fact that if you misbehave (at any age) you may lose certain privileges.

Am I just trying to talk myself into the fact that my method is fine (although sort of accidental) and should I be trying to use a more positive behaviour correction method???

Sorry for the ramble, I am just wondering what your thoughts are on this matter:)
Thanks
Mel x

SusanC_2

feelinggood wrote: »

Krystal and Susan are you (or did you) let your kiddies self-wean from breastfeeding?

That's the plan. Currently (at 27 months) Alice usually has a feed when she gets up and one at bedtime (although occasionally - maybe once every week or two - she has another feed some time in the day). They usually add up to about an hour which is more or less the same as a year ago except then she was having four feeds a day. I think I read somewhere that most children who are allowed to self-wean do so between the ages of 2 and 4.

feelinggood_2

SusanC wrote: »

That's the plan. Currently (at 27 months) Alice usually has a feed when she gets up and one at bedtime (although occasionally - maybe once every week or two - she has another feed some time in the day). They usually add up to about an hour which is more or less the same as a year ago except then she was having four feeds a day. I think I read somewhere that most children who are allowed to self-wean do so between the ages of 2 and 4.

Thanks! I'm hoping that we'll be able to carry on breastfeeding till 2 years, fingers crossed. Still a long way off, we are only at 12 weeks! Any advice on building a good feeding relationship that'll last?

money_maker_3

Red, your way is what we did for 5 years, and still slip back to when tired or pushed to the limit but I have to say the reward system works well for us. She still gets grounded occasionally if shes really bad, but I think it depends on what you are rewarding for and what the rewards are.

SusanC_2

redmel1621 wrote: »

My initial reaction to reading about the charts is...oh my god, I feel so cruel now, I never reward my kids....but on thinking about it for another minute or two, I am now thinking maybe my method isn't too bad (although maybe I should give a few rewards/treats incentives sometimes!)

But as you live in society you barely get rewarded for behaving in an appropriate manner, however if you behave inappropriately, say, fighting/mugging/verbal abuse/murder...then there will always be consequences to bear, obviously in relation to the severity of the 'bad behaviour'...... So in a way I am preparing them for the fact that if you misbehave (at any age) you may lose certain privileges.

Am I just trying to talk myself into the fact that my method is fine (although sort of accidental) and should I be trying to use a more positive behaviour correction method???

We don't have any formal reward system or give material rewards but we do praise Alice and give her cuddles when she does good things (e.g. is kind or helpful or does what she has been told). I also tend to word things in a slightly different way so I might say, "You need to do X if you want to do/haveY" rather than, "If you don't do X you can't do/have Y." Of course Alice is a lot younger than yours so it tends to be along the lines of, "You must finish your dinner before you can have a banana/satsuma/raisins." or, "If you don't put your sandals on we won't be able to go to the Coop/library/post box." I agree that it is important to teach children that there are consequences to negative behaviour but I don't think there's anything wrong with reinforcing positive behaviour as long as it doesn't end up with bribing or paying your child to behave properly.

money_maker_3

susan I agree, you cant bribe them and the reward chart should not be for things that you expect your kids to do on a daily basis. We reward for helping without being asked, for getting herself ready for bed all on her own, etc... We do however have a separate chart for sleeping as that is the one area we have major problems with. My DD is a true angel for most of the day, but as soon as it hits bed time she becomes the devil child !!!
So we do use a type of bribery for that, but we have reached the end of our tether and have nothing else to lose !!

SusanC_2

feelinggood wrote: »

Thanks! I'm hoping that we'll be able to carry on breastfeeding till 2 years, fingers crossed. Still a long way off, we are only at 12 weeks! Any advice on building a good feeding relationship that'll last?

It's hard to say really since I haven't got anything to compare with really but things which possibly helped are:

• I mainly stayed at home in the early days which meant I had plenty time to let Alice feed as long as she wanted (although I did used to stop her is she was feeding and sicking and had fed for over 50 minutes).
• I made feeding my main priority so it was feeding, ec/routine, then everything else.
• I did baby led weaning so Alice moved on to solids gradually and there was no pressure for her to eat a certain amoutn of solids and potentially replace milk.
• In the first few months I didn't try to do anything else at the same time as feeding and even when I started doing things like going online while feeding I've alway made sure at least one feed a day is just a feed without anything else.