The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread! Part 3

ForeverHopeful_3

First up, sorry for the ME post.

I've had a bad day. Work was awful. Picked the kids up from the childminder and as soon as they got in the car they played up. My eldest was being a complete loon and wound me up to breaking point.

A bit of background on me......I never shout. Partly because I was brought up in a household full of shouters and I hated it. Plus I just hate shouting. If I'm standing next to you I can hear you

Plus I never, ever say things I don't mean ie: "I hate you" I don't think I have ever said that to anyone. I never swear and I don't say things that I may regret. Even when drunk! I think all this goes back to my childhood as well, but lets not go there

So my eldest has the biggest tantrum EVER because I told him his behaviour was awful and he wasn't getting to watch Ben 10 after tea.

He then went on to say "I hate you mummy, I want another mummy. I just want a daddy.....etc" I know he is only 4 years old but I got so upset by what he said. He's never said anything like it before. I had to go upstairs and have a cry I know it won't be the last time that I hear such words from my sons, but OMG it was awful.

THEN DH phones. I had just put the kids in the bath in the hope that they could have an early night after all the hassles. He asked me to look something up on the computer for him. I said I couldn't do it right this minute and he said "fine don;t bother then" and hung up :mad: I cried some more. Took the boys downstairs and gave them cups of milk and read a story to them.

Both went to bed and I hovered by the fridge wanting a glass of wine. Am I wrong? I was so wound up I knew I couldn't relax without it. So I did. I am a bit annoyed at myself. And of course if it hadn't been in the house I wouldn't have the option. But I was totally peed off.

Now I am off to bed with a mug of Ovaltine and hoping for a good nights sleep.

Night night X

mollypolly

graemecarter wrote: »

Please don't feel bad - you cannot change what just happened. Your progress up until now has been great



When I used to say 'I was on autopilot' and 'I don't know how I started but I ended up having a few beers' I was being dishonest with myself. I may not have given it much thought because I didn't want to, but the fact I poured drink down my throat was a decision I made. Albeit a bad decision, but I take responsiblity for it.



So many people relapse on 'fook it' moments, and they think it all happens very quickly. However, when they look back, they see it has been building up to it for a while. Honesty, self-awareness and reflection are useful here.
A lot of time, we don't know WHY we did it, and need direction to help us see



Onwards and upwards indeed. You have to look at the triggers you faced today, and honestly ask yourself why you really felt like a drink. A couple of days ago you were so positive. Try and figure out what happened. This is not to punish you, but to ensure you are more in tune with your emotions and motivations and stronger the next time you are sitting outside the shop.



There is no-one you need to apologise to, not even yourself. I am sure you are being too hard on yourself as it is
Re-read your posts over the last week - they were so joyous. You want that again I imagine. You can achieve it - you were saying you had quit drinking. You need that mindset again.
I have kept a seat warm for you on the wagon, and we miss your company. Back on please!!

Read this again Jo....and jump back on NOW please.......Whip's out..;):rolleyes::D

mollypolly

Oooooo Just done my 1000th post:j
Hope everyones had a nice evening.
Have a good sleep all.
Love Mollypollyxxxx

mollypolly

Foreverhopeful......(lovely username)

Dont feel too sad.Put today behind you now.Have a good sleep and remember tomorrow is a lovely new shiny sparkly day.

Sleep tight
Love Mollypollyxxxx

graemecarter

ForeverHopeful wrote: »

First up, sorry for the ME post.

No worries - life is not always a walk in the park........

Both went to bed and I hovered by the fridge wanting a glass of wine. Am I wrong? I was so wound up I knew I couldn't relax without it. So I did. I am a bit annoyed at myself. And of course if it hadn't been in the house I wouldn't have the option. But I was totally peed off.

You had a shocking day. Life carries on, both good and bad, regardless of our AF trials.
I don't have that great a problem with alcohol, I have a problem with living life, thus as a default I want to drink alcohol.
I knew drink was the only way I could relax, and I knew I was in trouble when I had to drink to relax. I needed to find other ways to relax, otherwise I am sure I would have been drinking all day, every day. That's not somewhere I wanted to go. I felt carp enough when I had my last drink, so didn't want to compound it further with more drink............

Only you decide if what you did was 'wrong' - I say to myself 'It is none of my business what other people think of me'

maman

Jo and FH, get a good night's sleep and start afresh tomorrow. We all have 's*d it' moments, the thing to do is make them moments then get back to the 'normal' we're striving for.

Well done 40SM and orchid on your new 'giving up' plan, glad it's working for you today.

'night all.

8AF please 40SM.

sparky0107

Morning everyone,
Just checking in, 7/10 AFD's for me this month, everyone else is doing good, keep it up

40somethingmum

Morning all

Well I managed to get through yesterday without thinking too much about alcohol ..Although I had a very weird dream .

The dream went something like this :

I was attending church for a school mass ( which I do on occasion). As I entered the church the priest came up to me and asked me if I would like to do a bidding prayer as one of the other parents had dropped out . I, who would rather cut off her own arm instead of speak in public said ....
"yes of course father":eek:. I then asked if I could look at the prayer in advance but he said he only had the one copy and it was now on the altar but not to worry as it was only a couple of lines. So far so good.

Anyway , the first parent got up and said " The response to the psalm is : Lord Hear our prayer". The congregation responded " lord here our prayer".

It was then my turn . I got up legs shaking, voice slightly wobbly . I said
"the response to the psalm is Lead us not int temptation but deliver us from the evil that is alcohol . The congregation responded as:eek:. I swiftly looked back and the response should have been " Lead us not in to temptation but deliver us from evil Lord". :eek::eek: . All eyes were on me as I drank the communion wine > It was so awful.


I woke up this morning in a panic sweating and then realised that it was only a dream . Thank GOD for that.:T


I can only think that my subconcious mind worries that I am going to blow my "respectable mum of 3 cover" and disgrace myself with alcohol in front of the school . It does not bear thinking about:rotfl:.

Heart rate is now back to normal so must get ready for work . I better not get any weird looks at the school gates .:rotfl::rotfl:

Have a good day everyone.

40SM

40somethingmum

Foreverhopeful.

Lots and lots of ((((hugs))) to you.

I can really sympathise with you . If you have read any of my posts you will know that I go through this sort of thing regularly. It is very very difficult when the kids are little . I am contantly stressed.

You sound like you are a really wonderful mum . I wish I could say that I never shout ... I do often ... but I am working on that as it really does not help.

You are going through what lots of mums are going through up and down the country . You are perfectly normal but I know that this does not make it any easier when you are having one of these days . As you can probably tell the kids are not up yet ... I am still calm:o


Take it easy and take good care of you.

Remember , there are lots of shoulders on here to cry on.

Catch you later.

40SM

jo1972

40somethingmum wrote: »

I said
"the response to the psalm is Lead us not int temptation but deliver us from the evil that is alcohol . The congregation responded as:eek:.

:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T

Thank you 40SM for making me giggle today

Morning all :wave:

FH, I hope your day is better than yesterday. I think we all get those days where everything seems to happen on the same day and it can be a bit unmanagable. I can certainly empathise with having kids that play up from time to time! Oh, and I do shout...sometimes!

Back on the wagon for me today, I woke up this morning and felt like utter carp, unbelieveable that I drank quite a small amount compared to usual and I feel so dodgy! Excema has flared up overnight, hands are itching, apart from that nothing specific, just general dodginess.

I can honestly say, apart from the first mouthful of beer last night, I didn't actually enjoy any of it.

I've already told OH he has to meet me at Tesco tonight (this will stop me doing a beer shop on the way home and hopefully there will be no rain tonight as I think I need to get back out in the garden again to take my mind off things.

'Ark at me sat here having a lovely chat and I'M LATE FOR WORK :eek: :eek: :eek:

xx