concerned about 10yr old daughters weight

milliemonster

Yes I try to encourage her to try all different sorts of activities, she has tried horse riding but was too nervy!, she gets involved in all sorts at school activity wise (football, rugby etc) but her problem is because she isn't very good at sport on the whole, she gives up straight away and doesn't make an effort, she just doesn't enjoy sport at all and is not competitive in that way, it's all just too much of an effort for her!

I have sat her down and talked about calories and exercise etc, but I think that all the good I am doing at home with her diet is being undone by when she is away from home and out of my control. She isn't capable yet of making healthy food choices for herself and doesn't seem to relate high calorific foods and little exercise to weight gain despite my talks with her. If she is offered food or treats in any way, she will take them and not think about whether it is going to affect her body, I think this is because of her age.

I think you are right about thirst, I never drank enough when I was younger and I don't think she does either come to think of it, I will encourage this more. I have just phoned my GP and can't get an appt until 11th May so will have to wait until then. I think I have to take a bit more drastic action with this now, I have watched her steadily expanding since she was about 8 when she first started developing a bit of a tummy and my efforts are obviously not working. On the one hand she doesn't seem bothered about her size, but she gets incredibly sweaty because of it, which I have bought her deodorant to use and encourage her to wash regularly but this is becoming a sore point too!! but then on the other hand, we went swimming on sunday and she put her new bikini on and was quite upset at her stomach and spent a lot of the time when she was out of the pool with her arms folded around it trying to hide it.

tuggy

This is the paragraph that stuck out for me reading it. It looks like you *know* where the problems are, its just changing it. As they say every little helps.

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She doesn't eat between meals but she does have large portions (adult size really) and if I don't watch her, she will eat her brothers leftovers, and our leftovers! I make sure her pack up for school is healthy, low fat yogurt and fruit, I omit margarine from her bread and put healthy fillings in such as tuna (low cal mayo and only a little bit), ham salad etc so I can control what she eats at home but it is difficult when she is away from home, for instance, she has school dinners 2 days a week where I can't control what she has as it is a set meal. She also goes to cubs once a week where they all have sweets. She also stays at my dads on a weekend who will feed my kids anything that is quick and easy (usually sausage rolls, pork pies, pizza and chips!) as he can't be bothered to cook, I have tried talking to him about this but he doesn't get it.

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Most obvioius thing to change is the portion sizes. If you want to change it slowly then keep the sizes the same but make it heavy on the brocolli and light on the meat (for example) I think portion size is the main thing. My dad is overweight and he hates chocolate, sweets, cakes etc. Its portion size that gets him!

School dinners. Is there a reason she has to have these twice a week? If its an issue of time then sandwiches can be made and stuck in the freezer

Does she have to go every week to your dads? If he wont listen then maybe its time to make other arrangements. Or provide food. Send them with a tub of something you made the night before and ask him to re-heat it (spag bol, casserole etc)

I think these few small changes will help make the difference. Good luck you seem a lovely mum!

roxalana

Have you tried asking her if there is any reason for her not wanting to do exercise?

I always used to say 'I don't like it' when what I meant was I am embarrassed that I am not very good at it, that I get out of breath and usually I am one of the best at things - I don't know how to handle being the worst at something.

She may have other reasons for not enjoying exercise, but particularly if she is a high achiever I would check that she knows it is ok to not be good at something and that things can still be enjoyable even if you aren't the best.

Also if she say went cycling everyday, she would be surprised at how quickly she improved - perhaps she could keep a diary of her progress (I think she may be a little old for a sticker reward chart!).

Perhaps say also that being a skinny minny isn't important but you have noticed she seems unhappy.

Also, I was always a large child - much taller than other children and well built - but after a few years of puberty I actually became quite slim.

nightsky224

Is she tall at all? I dont have advice as such but. I was always eating loads when I was younger but got away with it as was growing so much. I got to about 13/14 and stopped growing but was still eating the same amount and grew out. I was quite chubby for a few years I also hated sport but found that when i left school the weight dropped off as I had to walk to the station (about 20mins each way) to get to work. Is there anything that she does that she could walk to rather than get the bus/get a lift. Maybe offer an incentive like she could keep the bus money etc. I think its great that she eats all foods though at least she will eat more than just pizza and chips.

weezl74

just an idea about when she goes to your dad's...

as she's a creative girl, could she get into cooking? if you taught her how to make a healthy tasty meal at home, and then got her to make it at your dad's: 'let's show granddad something different to boring old chips!' with the emphasis on helping granddad and being creative, rather than on weightloss?

sometimes when we focus on stuff it makes us more conscious of it, ie if we say 'i musn't think about food' suddenly our brains are full of it! But if she's thinking 'hey i'm a great cook and i'll teach granddad some new recipes...':T

just a thought!

Claire3121

I kind of understand as you sound like my sis in law,who has battled with her weight and now has overweight children herself. She finds it hard too because my father in law looks after them most weekends and will feed them junk too. They are 11 and 13 and are very aware of their sizes.

How about getting wii fit? Its something she can do in the privacy of her own home,until she's more confident to run outside? It would be fun for the whole family to get involved too,so she wont feel the odd one out.

leiela

Have you really sat down with your father and explained the problem, i know you've mentioned it and he doens't seem to "get it" but really sat down and explained that she's unhappy and that she's not old enough mentally to say no?
Heck i no alot of adults who when offered rubbish food can't say no.

tbh though i know alot of personal trainers and many of them advocate 1 day a week off diet, if her food is 100% spot on at home, one day eating junk at the grandparents won't undo all that (slow it down sure.. but mentally some people need that time off)

I had a similar problem in that my youngest some is very hyperactive and i found when he went to his grandparents he'd come home litterally bouncing off the walls from all the suger they'd given him. I tried on several occasions to ask them nicely to stop it but it used to make me sick because i'd go and visit and they would pile plateful's of junk in front of both my kids, you really wouldn't belive the amount they would give... he'd finish one packet of sweets and immediatly be presented with another.

In the end i had to be really harsh about it, i told them that i didn't allow the kids to have that sort of junk and if they insisted on feeding it to them then i wouldn't allow them to visit anymore.

I explained that if the kids where comming down i didn't mind them have 1cake, or 1 biscuit, chocolate bar OR 1 packet of sweets but that was it, if they found it difficult to feed them decent food (seriously though how hard is it to make a sandwich? rather than a pizza?) then i could bring food with them in a lunch box.

I explained that i knew it was natural for grandparents to want to "treat" thier grandchildren but really if they wanted to treat them there were much better idea's like buying them a comic or taking them to the park.

It went on for months, they even started "sneaking the kids snacks" while i was there, getting them to eat them quick before i saw as if i was some sort of ogre.

I use to get sooo mad and they still didn't get it in the end i stopped my kids from visiting, strange they finally cottened on.. it's still not perfect but tbh its 10 times better than it was.

snowmaid

milliemonster wrote: »

Thank you for your comments, I haven't checked her for diabetes to be honest but I know she hasn't got type 1 at present (as a nurse I know this comes on rapidly and they can get very ill very quickly!) but type 2 I hadn't thought of until you have mentioned it.

Yes the weight around the middle really concerns me, although I have had weight problems all my life I have never carried excess weight around my middle (I'm a pear shape!) so just end up with a huge backside!!!

We do go hiking as a family but as I said, she is very unfit and moans a lot of it!, we all have bikes and I have even tried getting her out on her bike and cycling alongside me while I run but she lags behind me on that!!! and is really slow and ends up going home saying she can't do it, I am at my wits end with it really.

I do encourage her to snack on fruit and yogurt and fortunately she will eat anything (maybe that's the problem lol!) she isn't fussy about food, she loves salad etc.

I know with kids you should try to not make them lose weight but grow into their weight if you know what I mean, this is what I have been trying to do but she is hitting puberty now (she got her first bra at the weekend 34AA!!) but she isn't slimming down. This was why I thought I needed advice from the GP as I need to get her weight down without disrupting her growth.

Regarding her portions, at home I do limit the size she has and tell her to get a yogurt or fruit afterwards if she is still hungry, but I know if she is away at her grandparents etc she will just be eating huge portions there and of the wrong things. I think it is the portion size and snacks she eats away from home coupled with the lack of activity that is causing this and without creating an issue of her weight with everyone else I can't see what else I can do

Have you considered dishing up a portion that is suitable for her age/height and coming to an agreement with her that she won't have a second helping for at least 20 minutes after. You can tell her that you have read this is healthier or somethingy! Let the food have a chance to settle, perhaps by that time she may have forgotten she is 'hungry' and go off and play.

angelicmary85

Hiya,

I was a fat kid, it's horrible, I was a size 14 when I was 12...I know that's big but as as far as I was concerned it was just one of those things, I didn't want to play sport or go outside as I didn't have many friends (the kids laughed at me for being fat, they made up a song that they would sing whenever they seen me) but then I got a pair of roller blades and that was me, off into the sunset! I would be on them constantly but unfortunately the weight never really came off!

I joined weight watchers a few years ago and it was only then that I started losing weight as I felt getting weighed every week made a huge dfference to how I felt about my eating habits, have you considered weighing her every couple of weeks...Maybe praise is better than encouragement?

Could you try packing them a meal when they go away at the weekend?

tori.k

some heavy comments...lol,i can understand why you worry about dd weight, kids are a worry the best of times but maybe take a step back... your feeding her a healthy diet and she is growing, i put a lot of puppy fat on when i was about 11 but it evened out when i started my mensa and my body changed shape.
Pack the kids off to grandpa's with a pack up and keep on doing what your doing, TBH i wouldnt worry untill after she has started her mensa, if she doesnt feel her weight is a issue at the moment dont make it into one (thats a can of worms you dont want to open) just keep a watchful eye like your doing...