The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

absolutebounder

beachbeth wrote: »

Its preying on my mind the whole time - Im just trying to push it to the back of my mind. Im terrified they won't reinstate my benefit.

Try not to worry about something that hasnt happened yet because it may never happen so all that worry is wasted on un nesesary misery. yes we can all fear the worst but the worst rarely happens. why not prepare for the best

beachbeth

absolutebounder wrote: »

Try not to worry about something that hasnt happened yet because it may never happen so all that worry is wasted on un nesesary misery. yes we can all fear the worst but the worst rarely happens. why not prepare for the best

I think by fearing the worst then it won't happen. I feel that if I think "its fine, everything will be ok" then Im tempting fate and it won't be ok! Ive got my MP backing me up and Im hoping this will help though.

absolutebounder

beachbeth wrote: »

I think by fearing the worst then it won't happen. I feel that if I think "its fine, everything will be ok" then Im tempting fate and it won't be ok! Ive got my MP backing me up and Im hoping this will help though.

This could be where you go wrong as you are probably invoking the law of attraction.
This basically means if you think the worst it is more likely to come about.
Dont ask me how it works I just know it does.

jayII

absolutebounder wrote: »

This could be where you go wrong as you are probably invoking the law of attraction.
This basically means if you think the worst it is more likely to come about.
Dont ask me how it works I just know it does.

But what about being comfortable and open about outcomes, either way? I know that when I have a challenge to face, I can reduce my nervousness by relaxing my expectations. Like assuming I have an equal chance, either way, of boing offered a job following an interview.

absolutebounder

jayII wrote: »

But what about being comfortable and open about outcomes, either way? I know that when I have a challenge to face, I can reduce my nervousness by relaxing my expectations. Like assuming I have an equal chance, either way, of boing offered a job following an interview.

Is that a concious relaxation of expectations or an unconcious one. we can all think well I might not get the job so it doesnt matter if I dont but that thought is likely to be self fulfilling. If you dont get the job you should think that thats one less interview befor you do get a job.
yes some people set the bar too high but thats a different story.

tattycath

Hi all. Just thought I'd pop in and give my two-penneth worth.
I'll start at the beginning-condensed version. I had a c**p childhood and in my childhood & teenage years was abused and got very depressed. Inwardly depressed, outwardly I was the same happy-go lucky person everyone thought they knew. Towards the end of my teenage years I had a breakdown and had to spend a couple of weeks in hospital -depression, border line anorexic etc etc.
In my early 20s I met and lived with a guy (for 10 years), we have 2 children. He treated my badly - physical violence and mental cruelty etc etc to the point where I felt totally worthless and worse than useless.
There came a point when I decided I wasn't going to be a victim any more and I started to focus on the positives-admittedly there were far more negatives than positives to start with. I persevered and focussed on the positives - now the positives outweigh the negatives. I still feel 'down ' at times but I don't get depressed because I sense when I'm losing (In my head) and I refocus and know that tomorrow will be better (iyswim)
Sorry I'm rambling now but that is how I cope.
HTH

jayII

absolutebounder wrote: »

Is that a concious relaxation of expectations or an unconcious one. we can all think well I might not get the job so it doesnt matter if I dont but that thought is likely to be self fulfilling. If you dont get the job you should think that thats one less interview befor you do get a job.
yes some people set the bar too high but thats a different story.

It's a conscious relaxation of expectations. I've found it a good strategy for reducing my awful nervousness. But I'll bear your advice about 'one less interview' in mind.

Quasar

jayII wrote: »

It's a conscious relaxation of expectations. I've found it a good strategy for reducing my awful nervousness. But I'll bear your advice about 'one less interview' in mind.

A pillar of Eastern thought is detachment from outcomes. This does not mean outright indifference, but requires the exercise of non-attachment to the result of one's actions, ie. you do what you have to do and don't invest the outcome with excessive emotional energy. So that if things work out, fine, if they don't there is always another opportunity and you can immediately think of the next move.

I know that it's much easier said than done, particularly for urgent cases of job hunting and things like that, but really getting nervous and anxious does NOT increase prospects and in fact may well scupper them. Equanimity is very hard to gain, but the effort brings huge benefits in terms of peace of mind, clarity (and therefore effectiveness) of thinking and the noticing of unusual opportunities that would have gone unnoticed.

ETA later for typos.

amistupid

I find writing things down, no matter how painful, can help restore positive thinking. It helps stop things churning endlessly in your mind. It is a coping technique that can stop you spiralling deeper into depression and negative thought.

jayII

Quasar wrote: »

A pillar of Eastern thought is detachment from outcomes. This does not mean outright indifference, but requires the exercise of non-attachment to the result of one's actions, ie. you do what you have to do and don't invest the outcome with excessive emotional energy. If things work out, fine, if they don't there is always another opportunity and you can immediately think of the next move.

I know that it's much easier said than done, particularly for urgent cases of job hunting and things like that, but really getting nervous and anxious does NOT increase prospects and in fact may well scupper them. Equanimity is very hard to gain, but the effort brings huge benefits in terms of peace of mind, clarity (and therefore effective) of thinking and enjoyment of the little things that so often go unnoticed.

Thanks Q, that's exactly what I aim for, albeit less consciously, and without the philosophical background. I did the same throughout my degree when faced with presentations, etc. Relaxing my expectations does help me.

Luckily my job-hunting isn't urgent, and won't become so for a year or two, so this is the perfect time to practise/learn equanimity. I just have to discover how!:o