The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

aliasojo

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

It might be easier to understand if you thought of it as God finding them.

But then I would have to believe in God in the first place to believe this was a possible?

Anyway don't want to make this thread into a religious debate I just used that as an example of what I was trying to get across.

aliasojo

beachbeth wrote: »

I didn't think that changing the way I thought could help my depression or anxiety and I certainly didn't believe a book could help me either. However I bought a book by Claire Weekes, Self Help for your Nerves. This book stopped me having panic attacks believe it or not!

Actually, I can understand how something just clicks sometimes. Something in that book must have triggered some sort of understanding or realisation in you that previously wasn't clear or to the fore for whatever reason.

Mmm...maybe I've just answered my own point above about God. :think:

Oldernotwiser

Many, many years ago when I was in my mid twenties I was suffering from what I realise now was a deep depression, although the diagnosis wasn't made so readily at that time. I decided to catch the bus to visit my parents for the weekend and during the one hour journey it suddenly occurred to me that I could go to university rather than carrying on in the boring job I was doing.

By the end of the journey the depression had lifted completely and didn't return (or not for several decades), even though it took me eighteen months to finally achieve my aim.

I'm not sure what point I'm making here, but just thought I'd retell my experience.

Space_donkey

Wow found you lot at last. which nutter moved the thread . This is becoming a real inspiration to me.
I like oldernotwisers story about university. I have been low and depressed with feelings of rejection for sometime but the more I think about it I realise it is just the way I think I feel, rather than being true. Although I feel rejected the only person who rejected me was my boyfriend but I still have other people in my life.

sjaypink

aliasojo wrote: »

What I dont 'get' is how you can think good positive thoughts if you are depressed to start with?

i also think a part of the problem can be that glimmers of hope or positive thinking which can occur without realising really in a depressed person are dismissed so quickly its almost as if they didnt occur.

my personal opinion is that this is either because that acknowledging such moments of hope whilst in a dark place can lead to a chain of thoughts leading to guilt often: wow, i felt ok just then, maybe i can think about that thing/ do that activity/ speak to that person more often.... but its my choice to do those things to help me get better- therefore was it my choice to let myself get/ stay ill? you can see on the previous page here- the outlet of anger at the suggestion that there may be even some control over depression...

ive seen that a lot. as soon as someone suggests (eg starting this thread) depression is something which can be improved by the power of thought, the suggestion then is also that is worsened (caused) by the power of thought too. thats often too much for sufferrers to accept- therefore the idea that is a disease which will only pass when 'it' is ready, and could return at any point, is an attractive one in some ways.

thing is, there is no 'blame'. it is was it is. also, (just my opinion) it probably arrived for a particular reason, and did you some good in the short term- i think in a lot of cases depression is a defence mechanism/ coping strategy. thing is with all such reactions- they formed to protect us from a partiular issue, in a particular time in our life. if we are to grow and move foward and enjoy life we need to learn to recognise when they are no longer helping us, and so try to learn a new way of living/ interacting/ thinking, and leave our old outdated reactions behind.

Space_donkey

sjaypink wrote: »

my personal opinion is that this is either because that acknowledging such moments of hope whilst in a dark place can lead to a chain of thoughts leading to guilt often: wow, i felt ok just then, maybe i can think about that thing/ do that activity/ speak to that person more often.... but its my choice to do those things to help me get better- therefore was it my choice to let myself get/ stay ill? you can see on the previous page here- the outlet of anger at the suggestion that there may be even some control over depression...

I didnt understand how people can say we chose depression until my therapist asked me who did chose it then? I realsied if no one else chose it it must have been me in some way as you say a type of defence mechanism.

sjaypink

Space_donkey wrote: »

Wow found you lot at last. which nutter moved the thread . This is becoming a real inspiration to me.
I like oldernotwisers story about university. I have been low and depressed with feelings of rejection for sometime but the more I think about it I realise it is just the way I think I feel, rather than being true. Although I feel rejected the only person who rejected me was my boyfriend but I still have other people in my life.

also in my experience to analyse the little things you say to yourself, or in conversation with others. often so subtle you dont notice at ll- but every little thing you think/ say is affecting your mood and spirit.

eg- a common one: 'when he said that to me last week, it made me feel rejected'

no one can make you feel anything.

'when he said that to me last week, i felt rejected'

saying both those things out loud should show you the very different feeling to each.

the first is a solid statement. there is no control over what leads on from that (except maybe 'it really made me feel like !!!!!!' etc etc), beause you have already defined your position, and also therefore given up control over your feelings. you are telling yourself that if someone else makes you feel bad, only they can make you feel good again.

the second is very different. you are acknowledging your own feelings, which is good, but there is control in that statement, and therefore choice. so, you felt like that last week, but what do you choose to feel today?

hope that makes some sense, because it really has made a big difference to me.

Quasar

I'm fortunate in that I have a natural predisposition to be cheerful. However I also go through phases of less than Pollyanna-style feelings, when some problem bugs me. My bizarre technique for getting out of the doldrums is as follows:

Looking at the seemingly hopeless situation from all angles I ask myself: is there ANYTHING I can do?

Suppose the answer is no. Then I ask myself the following questions?

what is the worst thing that can happen out of this?
Can I live with this?
What will be the consequence of this?
Can I live with this?

And so on

I invariably reach a point where the problem is not as awful as it appeared at first, as old saying from back home constantly reminds me: only death cannot be remedied.

absolutebounder

Quasar wrote: »

I invariably reach a point where the problem is not as awful as it appeared at first, as old saying from back home constantly reminds me: only death and studentphil cannot be remedied.

Corrected for accuracy

sjaypink
therefore was it my choice to let myself get/ stay ill?

maybe it is good the thread was moved if you said that on the old depression support thread you would have been lynched:rotfl:

Quasar

absolutebounder wrote: »

Corrected for accuracy

PMSL :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: