The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

beachbeth

Space_donkey wrote: »

It is horribly quiet here lately. Where is everyone are they all better or on hols or just given up on hoping to get better.

I was thinking that too. I hope everyone is ok. Im off on my hols tomorrow for 2 weeks so I won't be here for a while either. Two weeks of relaxing and not having to do any housework or cooking - lovely!

Best wishes to everyone and see you when I get back!

absolutebounder

beachbeth wrote: »

I was thinking that too. I hope everyone is ok. Im off on my hols tomorrow for 2 weeks so I won't be here for a while either. Two weeks of relaxing and not having to do any housework or cooking - lovely!

Best wishes to everyone and see you when I get back!

Have a good time and bring me back a stick of rock

Space_donkey

Where is everyone? All out in the sun I bet:rotfl:
This job hunting is not easy is it. I really want to get back to work but there isnt much about. i have made a cracking CV as well and so far zilch. i will get depressed again if I dont find something soon. i could try voluntarty work but I really want to get paid if possible. Any other people done voluntary work? Whats it like.

absolutebounder

It seems very quiet amongst the depression threads. is everyone on holiday or have you all gotb better with the nice weather and extra sunlight and accompanying Vit D.
If thats the case weather seems on the turn

absolutebounder

whitevanwoman wrote: »

Hi AB, I'm back, have been lurking a while, dipping in now and again without posting. Have had a difficult few weeks, preparing for a return to work after 5 months off with work related stress due to discrimination but things have eventually started to get sorted after Unison got involved and I made it clear that I would take it as far as possible.

Tomorrow is my first day back - just doing 1 afternoon this week, then 2 next week, then 3 the week after etc until I'm back up to my normal hours (I only work 19 hrs week normally).

(Does anyone else have alot of problems with Explorer freezing whilst typing a MSE post - it seems to happen to me alot and only with MSE forum, most annoying, have to exit, then restart and try to remember what I'd written).

I'm really not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow - in fact I am dreading it because of all the problems I've had, which has really affected the way I see my employer (local council) but they are trying to do the right thing now and I do get on well with my manager and he is very supportive and I know that my anxiety about something is much worse beforehand than during the actual event so I know I have to force myself through it - kind of exposure therapy type idea. I have really good support from my CPN and Occ Health and I think the employers are realising that just telling someone with an anxiety disorder not to worry is not helpful and that it isn't as simple as that.

But I've just been for an interview for another job today - it's hard to tell how it went, I think I was a bit waffly and am not hugely optimistic as it is a much higher level job than what I am doing at the moment. It is the same level of job that I was doing about 10 years ago, before I had another prolonged episode of anxiety and depression and in theory, I am more than capable but as ever, I doubt my abilities. But I am just really pleased to have got an interview as I applied more in hope than in expectation. I've spent hours preparing for it and I am absolutely wiped out now. Does anyone else find that one of the most disabling effects of anxiety is the extent of the fatigue after a stressful event or activity? It wipes me out completely and I end up too tired afterwards to even eat or do anything else, and yet can't sleep due to everything buzzing round in my head.

No hols for me this year (haven't had a proper hol since 2002) for financial reasons :-( although that might change if I do get this new job.

My mood had definitely got much better and my anxiety less until about a month ago when I was supposed to be returning to work then but they have messed me around, and the doc wouldn't let me go back until all the probs were resolved and it has dropped again over the past few weeks because of that. I had a major mood drop over the past few days, probably due to stress about the interview and the return to work tomorrow and I had a miserable day yesterday - hadn't been that bad for months. But I made it to the interview which is a big thing as I considered not going for a while. But I need to get out of my current job - I see my return to work as a temporary stepping stone to a better job and am doing everything I can now to find something else asap.

I hope everyone is doing ok - I tend to find I want to post when my mood is low, so when I am doing better, I tend to do other things and spend less time online. But I also find that doing more does increase my anxiety levels and I have a tendancy to overdo things and start to display OCD type symptoms and then I'm "too busy" to post.

Anyway, I'm doing what I've just done in the interview and am waffling so I am going to try to reward myself with some time out this evening.

Hello to everyone - it would be great to hear from those of you who remember me.

Hi WVW Its great that you are going back to work
Most fear has a root in our child hood and somehow involved pain and this makes us anxious as we get older these fears become unconcious and so make us anxious about the unknown.
in your case when you get anxious just take a couple of minutes to relax. make yourself aware of how your breathing slows up when you are relaxed because it is a medical fact that you cant be relaxed and anxious at the same time.
you should know you already have the upper hand in that the problem is sorted out but if it reoccurs you have the ability to really stir it up. Anything that goes better than expected just make a mental note of it and realise you are you and not someone else so if they dont like what you do then they can lump it.
i always remember a friend who worked for hambro in the early 80s He earnt 20K a year because that is what suited him and he was one of the best salesmen in the office but he only worked a few months a year to get the 20K and this upset the bosses no end and he was often called into the managers office . every time after a ticking off he would just reply " thats it then I am sacked am I ?" and every time the manager would back down and he carried on as before

absolutebounder

whitevanwoman wrote: »

Nothing has changed at work - the return to work plan agreed with HR, Occ Health and my CPN last week is unworkable due to changes put in place during my sickness absence - they have reduced our open hours to such an extent that the only way I can do a 3 hour afternoon session is to work 12-1, take a 1 hour unpaid break sitting around in the closed shop, and then work 2 -4 (the shop now closes at 4 instead of 5.30pm). I can only work under my managers supervision and due to the rota, his working hours don't allow me a day's rest in between working days whilst not working Fridays so that I can attend medical appointments. My manager (who has not been involved in any of the return to work discussions) was not informed of all the agreed arrangements regarding my return to work, and was given a new health risk assessment to complete with me. Neither of us fully understood the form which was very badly designed and written and quite obviously a last minute thing thrown together to comply with Occ Health recommendations. I've come home in tears and despairing, after a pointless 2 hour stressful meeting and I haven't felt this low in months. I've got some pretty awful thoughts going through my head, the least bad of which is to just walk out of my house and drive until I run out of money for fuel. I would go anywhere where there are no people and just survive for as long as I could. I don't really care what the long term outcome is. The thought of going back next Monday fills me with complete panic. If I wasn't so exhausted I would get in the car and disappear now. I feel so trapped. I feel like all the positive improvement of the past few months and the benefits of therapy have been wiped out - the only evidence I can see is negative and confirms my beliefs. I know it probably isn't all aimed at me personally and that it is a reflection on my employer but that doesn't make it any easier for me and it doesn't change the circumstances I'm in and it doesn't offer me any ray of hope that any thing is ever going to be any better. My head and heart are both telling me to hand in my notice immediately for the sake of my health but my head is asking me "How will you pay your mortgage next month if you resign now?". I am so tired I just want to go to sleep and I would be very glad if I never woke up.

Oh WVW thats terrible. it is amazing how little management know about people:mad:
Best I can suggest is that you carry on so you can pay the mortgage but look for another job. I know thats not easy in the middle of a credit crunch but it is probably better for your health and that is the most important thing.
In fact I think this might be an unusual case for this thread where you could do with some hugs.:A

absolutebounder

whitevanwoman wrote: »

I've been seriously job hunting for the past 18 months - living (stuck with a N Rock mortgage) in a rural area, with a long term history of mental illness, and unable to work full time, there's not alot of choice where jobs are concerned. I have had a few interviews - been told I was their second choice a few times but have not been able to get out of this trap which is why things have got progressively worse and worse and why quitting my job could well be out of the frying pan and into the fire.

I know I'm in crisis. I saw my GP earlier (straight after the work meeting) but I don't think he realised just how bad things are at the moment. Everyone tells you that you have to talk to someone when you are in crisis but no one tells you how. How do you tell someone that you are feeling suicidal?

And I just don't want to have to explain why to a bunch of strangers. Although I suppose I have done by posting here. The whole background to this is just too complicated and involved. And to be honest, whatever it is, the reason is unimportant. The most important thing is somehow trying to stop the pain you're feeling.

To be honest, tonight I think I am now safe. I had a really bad hour or so earlier but now I am simply too worn out and exhausted to do anything. I'm only still online because I'm too tired to get up and go to bed. I have rung the Community Mental Health Team and left a voicemail message for my CPN asking her to ring me in the morning. That's about all the practical support that is available where I live. I thought of ringing the Samaritans but I didn't know what to say and I didn't want them to ask why and to have to explain the background.

Thanks for this thread - sorry for crashing in and being such a misery guts.

Sorry I havent been around for a couple of days. Interviews can be a nightmare at the best of times let alone in a credit crunch when there are more people after a job. I do have a couple of things that can help you in an interview which I will try and remember to email to you. If I forget then nag me :rotfl:
One of the problems with an interview is that we put up that mask that I am so often on about and try to be the person we THINK the interviewer wants to see but because in effect we are acting we blow it as soon as the questions come in because we dont have the resources to carry the act off then we realise our mask is not looking too good and fluff ouir words.
I shouldnt worry too much about the NR mortgage at the moment as the rates are low and going to stay low for a little while

beachbeth

Haven't been here for a while because Ive been on holiday. Had a good time and a nice relax and I think Ive put weight on but I don't care because I'll go back to normal eating now!:p I had a funny stomach while I was there and eventually realise that the salad was doing it in the main. (No one else was affected - Ive got a delicate stomach and it doesn't take much.)

I'll read the posts Ive missed later.

absolutebounder

good to have you back and good you enjoyed yourself apart from the dodgy stomach.
i thought for most people that went hand in hand with a holiday abroad. I ususlly have cast iron guts but when I went to africa it was definitely a case of Kenya 1 Bounder 0:rotfl:
Mind you food poisoning rarely results in weight gain so you might not have put any weight on.

shazrobo

hi beachbeth, glad to hear you had a nice relaxing holiday, apart from the poorly stomach.

i go away to blackpool a week tommorrow, hope the weather improves here. never been abroad, wouldnt want to risk being thrown off the plane with my two, just risked taking them to asda, what a nightmare, i'm sure they're worse now than when they were younger, despite me telling them constantly how to behave when out and about

shaz xxx