The depressively optimistic moneysaving thread

choille

Something to think about.
I quite often hear people say that they dont know why they became depressed or exactly what triggered it off.
my question is what difference would it make to you if you did know? Since the event is in the past and cant change even if you did know the cause can you do anything about it now.

I believe that a lot of depression is unexpressed rage. It's been repressed, stifled.
Depression can happen a long time after an event that caused it. Often people are in denial about what is bothering them - even from themselves - they are so disassociated from it. Sometimes it is 'safer' to be depressed, in denial about someting, rather than to face up to what is actualy the root cause. It's all about fear in a way. But often the fear outweighs the benefits of getting well - face the fear & do it anyway.

smallpackages

absolutebounder wrote: »

Something to think about.
I quite often hear people say that they dont know why they became depressed or exactly what triggered it off.
my question is what difference would it make to you if you did know? Since the event is in the past and cant change even if you did know the cause can you do anything about it now.

knowledge is power. sometimes finding the root is the key to unravelling a mess of emotions

roxalana

I do agree that for some people there will be an initial trigger and it might be helpful to know what it was. But i don't think there is an explanation for why depression happens to some people.

Personally I had a great childhood, supportive parents who are still together, i've had no particular traumas (tho a few shocks!) and I'm lucky enough that none of my close friends or family have passed away, yet it still happens to me...

I will concede that all my close family are also prone to depression but I have been a 'sensitive child' since I was born! Apparently I was the only baby to be given a dummy by my doctor in his medical career as he couldn't stand the noise I made

I know I am special but sometimes I wish I was special in a different way...

alison99_2

absolutebounder wrote: »

Something to think about.
I quite often hear people say that they dont know why they became depressed or exactly what triggered it off.
my question is what difference would it make to you if you did know? Since the event is in the past and cant change even if you did know the cause can you do anything about it now.

If I knew the trigger event (if there was one), I could address that problem and maybe cured my depression, but maybe there is no event, perhaps some of us are just prone to depression.
I do wonder if it's a hereditary illness though, as there are a few members of my family that have suffered with it at some point in their lives.

My medication has been changed again, so if for any reason I don't make sense, you'll know why :rolleyes:

angel00079

beachbeth wrote: »

I had 3 of my closest relatives for Sunday lunch. They understand me completely and I can relax in their company (indeed, one of them suffers with depression too). Yet, first thing in the morning I went into the kitchen and saw the meat waiting to go in the oven and thought about all the veg that needed peeling and I just started to feel panicky as though it was all too much. Luckily, it didn't matter because my OH did most of it. This is the way depression affects me and I don't know how to stop this.

Beachbeth, Is what you describled anxiety or depression. Perhaps they are interwoven and trying to put a label on things doesn't help. I think that it is hard to explain to someone who has not experience that panicky feeling over an everyday event.

I wonder how many of us think we have dealt with an issue when really all we have done is suppressed it. If we didn't put somethings aside I suppose that we would get nothing done.

I went to see a singer the other week, she said she wrote a song after a stranger in the street said, "Cheer up it may never happen". I suppose that we do not always feel cheerful but still walk round with smiles on our faces just so we don't get comments like that.

I sometimes think that telling ourselves that we should not feel like this is not helpful. I don't mean that we should wallow but wonder if it would be better to work out how we might deal with it.

I think that humans are complex. I think that some people may find out what suddenly changed but for many it will have been a combination. I think that the reason people often experience emotional differiculties is they do not feel the feelings. I am not saying that we should all wear our heart on our sleeve or be outwards aggressive but how many times do we put a brave face on it when really we could probably do with a chat.

I have not idea what the feelings I am experiencing at the moment mean. I feel an emotional mess and don't know how to solve things. I hope that I will find the answers. I feel better than I did last month so that is a start. I find I feel better if I focus on what I can/have achieved instead of what I can't/haven't. It is easier said that done when a simple task seems to elude me. There are some days when being tough with yourself is not enough.

I do not think that doctors or therapists have the answer but can help. Unfortunately I do not think there is a magic solution. I think there are times when we all think I we I could feel think I did at x point of my life.

absolutebounder

Hi all. i dont think there is a right or wrong answer as it will be different for different people. I think anxiety is much more likely to be triggered by a single event and depression by a series of events.
we learn by association either when A happens B happens too eg pavlovs dogs A bell rings when they are fed and food makes the dogs salivate so after a while the bell is associated with salivation. or we learn by sequential association ie A leads to b happening.
I think regression can be good if its an unknown event but it wont help sequential association too much. However challenging the sequence of thought is good asit is often this sequence that is corrupted in a depressed person.

Next question. Why do people often feel so undervalued in this world?

shazrobo

hi all, found you all lol

ab, i feel so undervalued, as i do so much caring for my disabled sons, and socail services offer no respite at all, despite numerous letters from doctors etc, telling them the effect its having on my health.

shaz

tattycath

I used to feel very undervalued. I think alot of it can be based, or stem from how you are treated. I had a c*ap childhood and was very wronged and the very people who I expected support from didn't give me the support-they supported my perpetrators. Later on when I was in my early 20s I met and fell in love with a guy (the father of my children) and the relationship was abusive both physical violence and mental cruelty-so again I felt undervalued, but during the mental cruelty there came a point when I thought I must really be as worthless as he kept telling me I was. If someone tells you something every day eventually it's like brainwashing and you start to believe it. It came to the point, after 10 years, that I left him and I was at rock bottom. Once you hit rock bottom the only way is up. But there are times when I feel like it's me against the rest of the world (don't we alll). and at times I still feel undervalued but it's best not to think about it if you can. I just tend to get on with things these days-I'm in a great relationship and have wonderful kids. Best to try not to dwell sometimes.
Just my opinion about my experiences I guess

absolutebounder

shazrobo wrote: »

hi all, found you all lol

ab, i feel so undervalued, as i do so much caring for my disabled sons, and socail services offer no respite at all, despite numerous letters from doctors etc, telling them the effect its having on my health.

shaz

Now you see that would make me feel highly valued because you can give so much to others. admitedly you probably dont get tyhanked that often but inside you know your true value to your kids I hope. the fact that social services dont help just shows they are horribly over valued since they cost the country a lot and often do sweet FA

absolutebounder

tattycath wrote: »

I used to feel very undervalued. I think alot of it can be based, or stem from how you are treated. I had a c*ap childhood and was very wronged and the very people who I expected support from didn't give me the support-they supported my perpetrators. Later on when I was in my early 20s I met and fell in love with a guy (the father of my children) and the relationship was abusive both physical violence and mental cruelty-so again I felt undervalued, but during the mental cruelty there came a point when I thought I must really be as worthless as he kept telling me I was. If someone tells you something every day eventually it's like brainwashing and you start to believe it. It came to the point, after 10 years, that I left him and I was at rock bottom. Once you hit rock bottom the only way is up. But there are times when I feel like it's me against the rest of the world (don't we alll). and at times I still feel undervalued but it's best not to think about it if you can. I just tend to get on with things these days-I'm in a great relationship and have wonderful kids. Best to try not to dwell sometimes.
Just my opinion about my experiences I guess

I like your posts as they are very informative. i think your story shows that the environment you are in has a lot to do with things and if you can change it you may well be on the way to a better life.