MSE Pregnancy Club VIII

Nicki

That sounds really miserable, Sami. I'd have been scared too.

Is it a stress-related thing with your OH? I assume you have no chance of getting him to go to anger-management/marriage guidance or parenting courses, but would he agree to do some stress-management things, to see if taking some of the pressure off would help him calm down a bit? It's not doing any of you any good (him included) for him to get himself in such a state even if it doesn't happen often.

One last thought - if he doesn't like the time you spend online, do you think he reads your posts sometimes? If so, will it enrage him to see what you've posted about him earlier?

SeptemberBaby_2

Oh, Sami, what a horrid day. Lots of hugs. What happened last time? Did you talk it through?

xx

Sami_Bee

We do smack Chris sometimes I know some don't agree with it so sorry if u feel like that but it really wasn't a smacking offense IYKWIM
I'm at home now and just haven't really talked to OH while I've been home.
Part of me says just get your stuff and leave but I don't think I can Another part of me thinks if I did want to spilt from him I should stay here even though I know he would never leave as it is 'his' house and 'his' car, I have no job and a baby on the way this isn't how I ever thought I'd be feeling with 8 weeks to go!!

searching_me

sami maybe once its calmed down maybe you could explain how much he scared you and you were worried for your and your bubs well-being ... might shock him in to seeing sense x

elle_gee

Why is it "his" house and car?

I was smacked as a kid. Don't think it really did me any good cos I often couldn't see the point in it (I wasn't doing anything that bad) but it was often down to my dad's work stress - he'd come in from a bad day, see me misbehaving and smack me before saying "hello" cos it was his way of sorting us out as a favour to mum Then again, didn't do me any harm in the long run.. hated him in my teens but now in my 20's I can understand it in a odd kinda way (it's a weird "we're too much alike" thing, I think!)

Did you say he's off all week? Did you have plans?

Sami_Bee

Nicki - he doesn't read my posts, he thinks I'm sad for talking to you lot :rolleyes: I just don't have any proper friends, I'm not very good at making friends and any I do make always seam to fall away after a while, my closest 'friends' are my sister and mum

SB - last time he realised how much he'd scared me almost straight away and burst into tears was all apologetic.

When I try to be objective I think if I'd read this story from someone else I'd be thinking its only a matter of time before you're a battered wife :shocked:

he does have problems with stress and he goes through phases of listening to hypnotherapy cds for stress and anger management but doesn't keep it up and ends up either ill with stress or doing something like today

Mrs_Moc

(((Hugs Sami)))

Been in this situation more times than im happy to admit unfortunately.

What worked best for me was to try to stay calm and when he has calmed down and feeling remorseful, let him know how how strongly you feel.

I also made DH watch supernanny, so he could hear from someone else that smacking children/shouting is not the only answer to bad behaviour.

Hopefully when he is aware of how he has made you and Chris feel, and acknowledged he has behaved worse he will make an effort to control his anger in the future.

Here to talk anytime you need to.

searching_me

sami i dont make friends easily most mine last no longer then 2 years then there gone ... but OH doesnt call me sad for being on here as id say the same for his 360...

my step-dad had many problems with stress related anger and i remember watching the fist fights with my bros and the time he had me up by the throat shaking me saying this is what you kids do to me ... didnt get any better though as he went for my mother and attacked me as well hence i dont talk to him now not to say your OH is going that way but it does need to be stopped now before it gets even close ((hugs)) sweetheart x

Sami_Bee

searching_me wrote: »

sami maybe once its calmed down maybe you could explain how much he scared you and you were worried for your and your bubs well-being ... might shock him in to seeing sense x

The last time I did retaliate - i threw a pot of sudacrem at him but I missed on purpose, he threw the tv remote back at me and it almost hit my stomach (I was about 10wks then) and bounced almost hitting Chris, that was the time he cried etc and he made the effort to do his hypno stuff for a bout 2 mths after. I know it is a red mist thing and not that he's a horrible person who thinks its ok to do this tho...

elle_gee wrote: »

Why is it "his" house and car?

I was smacked as a kid. Don't think it really did me any good cos I often couldn't see the point in it (I wasn't doing anything that bad) but it was often down to my dad's work stress - he'd come in from a bad day, see me misbehaving and smack me before saying "hello" cos it was his way of sorting us out as a favour to mum Then again, didn't do me any harm in the long run.. hated him in my teens but now in my 20's I can understand it in a odd kinda way (it's a weird "we're too much alike" thing, I think!)

Did you say he's off all week? Did you have plans?

well he bought the house himself I've never paid any bills for it except for food when I was working and we traded both our cars in for the one we have now I paid about £3k of the £7k my car cost and he paid the rest as I was on maternity/being SAHM so he paid all of his car, more than half of mine and then about £3k extra when we got this car (although I'm the registered keeper for the car and it's insured in my name mostly coz I use it most and it worked cheaper to have it that way)
i know what you mean about smacking I think 90% of the times I got smacked was not for what I had done but how stressed mum/dad was.
I always find myself saying "don't shout at him" coz OH has much less patience with Chris than I do.
Yes he's off all week doing DIY stuff - today while I was gone he's put a work top and cupboard side up that has been sat for 2yrs waiting to be finished so at least he channeled his anger once we we're out of the way!

searching_me

sami your married its HALF yours x