Mothers...what would you do?

Swans1912

Violetta wrote: »

Just a warning if someone suggested I sold my daughters toys and gave up the few luxuries I had to make my miserable life on benefits bareable and then scrimp and save for 2 years to go on someone elses idea of a holiday (even if it was my daughters elder brothers wedding not that I think if she had 1 he'd be like that) I might be tempted to tell them where to go.
I am so sorry if this sounds harsh but it does seem like you are being very harsh on your partners mother. It can't be easy being a single mum on benefits with a 6 yr old.

I never said it was easy. If i was being harsh then i would be saying then "OK fine, we'll go without you then" but I as somebody said earlier am trying to find a way that she can attend the wedding.

Swans1912

veruccasalt wrote: »

The more I think about this, the more I agree with this view point.

You may well have a dream of what you would like (and luckily your OH goes along with you), but you are asking way to much of your guests. One of my University friends got married in Finland, and expected all of us to give up our scant annual leave and hundreds of pounds just to adore her for the day.

Needless to say we very politely declined her invitation, sent a generous gift and had the holiday we wanted later in the year.

I dont think its fair to call her selfish-she could probably level the same accusation at you.....:rolleyes:

I called her selfish because I was having a rant. As for asking too much of my guests, everyone bar her is coming and is quite happy so it is YOUR opinion that i'm asking too much, so just aswell you're not invited really isn't it? I'm not surprised you declined a friends invite abroad, but if it was family would it be a different story? And i'm still waiting for you to tell me who I'm supposedly having conflict with

Swans1912

kelda_shelton wrote: »

Nobody is making her future MIL attend - shes just trying to think of ways she could...

Precisely. Nice to see that some people understand the purpose of my OP.

shellsuit

I'd LOVE to get married abroad, but I wouldn't.

First reason is because I want my Dad to give me away and he won't fly.

Second reason is because I want our closest friends and family there and there is no way I could expect them to stump up to pay to attend something WE have chosen.

If you OHs Mum can't afford it, then she can't afford it. Don't say well she can afford to smoke etc, it's upto her what she spends her money on.

She's a single Mum too, so it's not just herself she would have to pay for is it, she has a 6 yo son, so she would have to pay for him too - 2 years isn't a lot of time to save for something like that.

Pee

iKennett wrote: »

Thank you for your honesty. I must ask though, assuming you have children, would you really nor give up drinking/smoking (or even cut back a bit) in order for you to be able to afford to attend your child's wedding? Honestly? I know everyone's different so I suppose really theres no right or wrong answer

I don't have children, but no, I couldn't cut back for months on end to save for a wedding, I would just accept that I couldn't afford to go. I think saving £5 or £10 a week on benefits would be really hard and even that wouldn't mean that she could be there...

mookybargirl

It's a tough one. I know that people are happy to cut back and scrimp and save to make our day special (myself included - I can't believe how skint I'll be for the next year!), but some family members just don't want to cut back or save to attend someone's idea of a fancy wedding and this is unfortunately how some people will see it.
I agree 100% that you shouldn't contriobute towards her costs, as it's not fair on everyone else who behind closed doors may also be scrimping and saving so they can make it there to be with you both and even if you did decide to change your mind, you would absolutely grudge saving yourself while your MIL continue in her lifestyle.
You post looks like you haven't booked anything yet, so postponing it may have crossed your mind, but I wouldn't suggest this unless you have complete confidence in your MIL paying for it, as there's still no guarantee that she will come.
If your heart is set on the wedding there, unfortunately some people might not make it. All that matters is that you and your OH are there and you can always have a family celebration at home afterwards.

VeganClaire

Just a thought; what about disneyland paris? Might work out cheaper? They have a disney ranch just outside of the park that might be cheap for group accomodation?

flea72

one thing to point out though, is alot of people may be saying they can attend now, to your face. But as the time gets nearer, and money needs to be forthcoming, you may well find then, that alot of people are dropping out

Until you can give guests, an exact price for what the holiday will cost, most people assume they can afford it. I know if someone said to me were getting married in florida and we want you to be there, id be 'yes of course well be there'. but once id actually sat down and totted up flights, accommodation, entry to the parks, food, and spending money (espec with the exchange rate at the mo), the realistion would sink in, that it just isnt possible. Add onto that the fact, people would have to use their annual holiday to attend, and maybe take children out of school too, then things get even trickier

Tbh, if my parents couldnt afford to attend my planned wedding, i would either have to accept they arent going to be there, or make alternative arrangements. But personally, not having my mother at my wedding, would be a non-starter for me

As for those who have suggested chopping down the stay for your mil to 3 days, it would bring costs down minimally, and would be a total waste of money. if she has to find the money for a trip to disney, then why waste the opportunity

Flea

rinroo

My h2b's sister was due to get married this coming May in Cyprus. She told us all, this is when i'm getting married, this is where were staying will you come. The simple answer of that being - sorry but no.

The reason being, h2b works all the overtime offered for us to be able to afford at least one foreign holiday every two years, and for us to have to sacrifice a holiday to dance to her tune abroad, then sorry but no. It wouldn't be an ideal family holiday. Its not just the cost of flights and accommodation, but food and spending money plus suitable clothes too, that has to be taken into consideration, plus the time of year for the children taking time off school.

In the end, she realised that half of the people she asked could not afford to go so now the wedding has been put off until November and she is having it here in the UK, after a big sulk but thats life. Nobody told her not to go.

I know thats sounds horrible, but if you really want her there then you will either have to pay for her to go or change your destination.

It is YOUR wedding, so you have to make the choices.

abbecer

We had exactly the same dilemma when we were looking at getting married in Greece. My Mum protested due to money but would have had 3 years to save. In the end we married in Scotland because it suited US. We were fortunate that lots of friends and family came with very short notice. However it is your day so don't feel guilty. It is her responsibility to manage her finances. You have given enough notice for her to be able to save enough. As a Mum if my boys said they were getting married I would be there come hell or highwater. I would fly to the moon to be there. You will never please everyone so don't stress trying to.

Rebecca x