Mothers...what would you do?

sal-ad_daze

Please, bear with me I am answering your question! lol
I am a MoB, my daughter has set her date for December 2010 and paid a rather large deposit on a luxurious venue (her dream, a castle). My OH is on pension credit and DLA so money here is non existant, we are heartbroken that we cannot pay for her wedding.
Her H2b has just lost out on a promised job due to the credit crunch so money is tighter than expected when they paid the above. One of their options is to cancel venue and lose the deposit but go abroad for their wedding, what's stopping them is the fact that they would be asking family to pay out rather a lot of money to join them on their special day.
We will be able to help out where we can with the wedding, ie selling stuff on ebay then using the paypal account to pay for flowergirl dresses from ebay etc. but having to find a couple of thousand to go abroad is another matter.
As has been said, it's all about priorities and also the way people look at things. Whichever way you dress it up Disney is expensive, and even more so with young children! Perhaps if you break down the cost over the months for your m-i-l it may not look such a big ask. I mean seeing a price tag of, say, £2k I'd immediately think 'oh my god I can't afford that' but break it down into monthly segments then equate it to for example one less pack of fags and one less bottle of wine a week with that money put away it may seem more manageable.
Also if you do buy vouchers and dollars for family who are coming for birthdays, christmas, mother's day etc. it will show that you're doing your best to help out as well.
I'd be devestated if I couldn't see my daughter married but at the end of the day, it's her wedding and her decision. If getting married abroad is the most important thing to her then she has to come to terms with the fact that she will be getting married without family around her.
The next best thing is to video the wedding, throw a big party on your return and show the film there.
I've waffled on a bit here but I hope I've answered your question from my pov.

lindaatno9

That's the dilema salad isn't it. Have what she wants at the sacrifice of something else. Good point.

Swans1912

sal-ad_daze wrote: »

Please, bear with me I am answering your question! lol
I am a MoB, my daughter has set her date for December 2010 and paid a rather large deposit on a luxurious venue (her dream, a castle). My OH is on pension credit and DLA so money here is non existant, we are heartbroken that we cannot pay for her wedding.
Her H2b has just lost out on a promised job due to the credit crunch so money is tighter than expected when they paid the above. One of their options is to cancel venue and lose the deposit but go abroad for their wedding, what's stopping them is the fact that they would be asking family to pay out rather a lot of money to join them on their special day.
We will be able to help out where we can with the wedding, ie selling stuff on ebay then using the paypal account to pay for flowergirl dresses from ebay etc. but having to find a couple of thousand to go abroad is another matter.
As has been said, it's all about priorities and also the way people look at things. Whichever way you dress it up Disney is expensive, and even more so with young children! Perhaps if you break down the cost over the months for your m-i-l it may not look such a big ask. I mean seeing a price tag of, say, £2k I'd immediately think 'oh my god I can't afford that' but break it down into monthly segments then equate it to for example one less pack of fags and one less bottle of wine a week with that money put away it may seem more manageable.
Also if you do buy vouchers and dollars for family who are coming for birthdays, christmas, mother's day etc. it will show that you're doing your best to help out as well.
I'd be devestated if I couldn't see my daughter married but at the end of the day, it's her wedding and her decision. If getting married abroad is the most important thing to her then she has to come to terms with the fact that she will be getting married without family around her.
The next best thing is to video the wedding, throw a big party on your return and show the film there.
I've waffled on a bit here but I hope I've answered your question from my pov.

Thanks so much for your input. It's nice to see you making the effort to contribute by selling stuff on ebay. We will be staying in Florida for 2 weeks as it makes sense to have a honeymoon there, future MIL and her child could just stay for the one week which would cost even less.

veruccasalt

You know what though, just reading your responses to some other people's views here, I think there is an awful lot more going on here that whether or not your MIL-to-be attends your wedding.

From what you have written it seems there is quite a lot of conflict between the two of you already, and you are going to find that you need to compromise when you get married.

Like I say, I wish you well.

Swans1912

veruccasalt wrote: »

You know what though, just reading your responses to some other people's views here, I think there is an awful lot more going on here that whether or not your MIL-to-be attends your wedding.

From what you have written it seems there is quite a lot of conflict between the two of you already, and you are going to find that you need to compromise when you get married.

Like I say, I wish you well.

Sorry could you expand a little bit on that as I'm a bit unsure what you mean? Conflict between MIL and I?Or DF and I?

shelovestobuystuff

As a mother I would try my best to get there and look into all the possible options before saying definately no.
I understand it would be difficult for future mil to afford the disney holiday as she is on benefits.Does she go on holiday at all now?
I had a quick search and cannot find hotel prices for as far in advance as 2011 but this years prices were about £800 for the cheapest hotel,the fort and camp one,withing the magic kingdom area.This included flights too.This was through virgin and I know virgin holidays(not wedding packages unfortunately) can be paid for with tesco vouchers in advance and are worth 4 times face value.If she could save up just over £200 in clubcard vouchers over the next 2 years she could get the holiday and attend the wedding.The younger brother would only be 8 or 9 then so is still young enough to get excited about a disney holiday.
The other cheap option would be for a group of relatives to rent and share a villa just outside the magic kingdom.You would have to figure out transport/flights but accomodation can be found from around £600 per villa per week (low season)and they usually have 4 or more bedrooms.
B&B,s in the area average $120 a night but again flights etc to be found.
Once you have the date set and are all booked then help future mil to find a cheap deal,use tesco deals,newspaper offers etc,if she still cannot afford it think about offering to pay.

We are combining our wedding with a family holiday for 1 week and are not asking anyone to pay towards it,it is in this country though so we dont have the added expense of flights to worry about.

Best of luck and congratulations.A disney wedding sounds magical!:D

prettypoppyknickers

could she not just go over for a 3 day trip like people do when they go shopping new york? surely that wouldn't cost that much and she would be able to spend the time with you

hope this helps

gibboelli

It's your wedding, do just what you please. If she doesnt want to try her best to save up for it then seeing her son get married isnt very important to her. So stuff her!

No matter what, NEVER compromise on what you and your fiance want just for the sake of making life a little easier for someone else. It's your day so have whatever you like!

Swans1912

prettypoppyknickers wrote: »

could she not just go over for a 3 day trip like people do when they go shopping new york? surely that wouldn't cost that much and she would be able to spend the time with you

hope this helps

I hadn't really thought of this to be honest!I'd considered a 1 week stay but if 3nights is possible then it would probably be even better for her! Thanks for this, I shall deffo look into it!!

Swans1912

shelovestobuystuff wrote: »

As a mother I would try my best to get there and look into all the possible options before saying definately no.
I understand it would be difficult for future mil to afford the disney holiday as she is on benefits.Does she go on holiday at all now?
I had a quick search and cannot find hotel prices for as far in advance as 2011 but this years prices were about £800 for the cheapest hotel,the fort and camp one,withing the magic kingdom area.This included flights too.This was through virgin and I know virgin holidays(not wedding packages unfortunately) can be paid for with tesco vouchers in advance and are worth 4 times face value.If she could save up just over £200 in clubcard vouchers over the next 2 years she could get the holiday and attend the wedding.The younger brother would only be 8 or 9 then so is still young enough to get excited about a disney holiday.
The other cheap option would be for a group of relatives to rent and share a villa just outside the magic kingdom.You would have to figure out transport/flights but accomodation can be found from around £600 per villa per week (low season)and they usually have 4 or more bedrooms.
B&B,s in the area average $120 a night but again flights etc to be found.
Once you have the date set and are all booked then help future mil to find a cheap deal,use tesco deals,newspaper offers etc,if she still cannot afford it think about offering to pay.

We are combining our wedding with a family holiday for 1 week and are not asking anyone to pay towards it,it is in this country though so we dont have the added expense of flights to worry about.

Best of luck and congratulations.A disney wedding sounds magical!:D

Thanks for your reply. No, she doesn't go on holiday right now but used to when she and her 2nd hubby (not my OHs dad) were together but they split about a year ago. He was self employed at the time. I know of a few hotels in the Kissimmee area that have rooms for $40 a night room only which is basic but clean - all you need really - which is what we usually stay in when we go to Florida all you need to add to that is local rate @ $2.50 a day. I have never stayed at a Disney hotel as it is very expensive but will do this for our wedding, would never expect family to fork out for that standard of a hotel but the wedding package we were looking at has 4 hours limo hire to pick up/drop off guests so they will not need to worry about where they stay in that respect as they will be picked up. The idea of a villa would be ideal... if family life were not so complicated... Basically my OHs parents split when he was young (not very amicably), both parents re-married other people who didnt like the ex-husband/wife for whatever reason. So there would be absolute carnage if we put them all under one roof!:rolleyes: I didnt know about the tesco vouchers - thats brilliant to know, thanks!