Council Tax/Life Mess... Fraud?

RAS

Weeone

How goes this morning? Sorry I could not get back on-line last night - could not get a connection.

You have had some very good advice from people who have been there.

You have a number of challenges some of which you can do something about, some not, because they are not even your problem.

You are frightened the council will prosecute mum - and you tell us she has some form of dementia/memory loss? DID you tell NDL that? Mum would not be consider capable of standing trial in that case, so there is no way that will happen. And it is not your job to shop mum because you stayed at the house for 6 months many years ago.

So take a big breath and take stock.

if you have just been given medication, then it can take two weeks to work so give it time. But if you are feeling even worse, then please get hold of your GP out of hours service, as occasionally people do not respond to the first medication they are offered.

Firefox is right about the value of food, sleep and exercise. Exercise releases powerful substances into your body that increase the sense of well-being. So much so that some people are exercise junkies because they need that boost.

I know you may not feel like even getting out of bed, but drag on some clothes, get outside and walk as briskly as you can. If there is a park, do a couple of circuits, today and try to do it tomorrow.

One friend of mine decided that she would find 10 good things every day. So take a bit of paper and look for them? A stand of daffies blowing the the wind? A bright red flower in the window of a dark tenement? A young person, confident and laughing, a grandparent talking to a child? They are all there if you look for them.

The other thing you talk about would be very familiar to other people you age, except that for many years they have cared for children who have gone off to live their own lives, leaving their parents bereft. You have cared for mum but you are still experiencing the "empty-nest" situation. It takes people a couple of years to work out what they want to do, but an essential part of that is acknowledging the grief. It is messy, being glad she is now looked after and distressed because you have no function and feel useless.

As Tine say, now is not the time to decide what but you have a wealth of survival skills and personal skills and I have no doubt that in two years time you will have a better idea of what you want.

Right now the priorities are to get yourself well, to look after yourself and once that is sorted, we can help you sort out any debts.

So what is in the fridge or the cupboard to eat? Can you make a cuppa? And where are you going to walk?

Weeone_3

Thank you all again for your support. Anyone know the song "Everybody's Talkin"..theme to Midnight Cowboy? That's where I'm at... I'm going where the sun keeps shining

RAS

Weeone

Not sure I understand?

What do you mean?

gettingbetter

hi weeone

are you getting any help
that last statement was bit disturbing
hun we all want to help you

kas xx

RAS

Weeone

You OK?

please post.

Gemqueen

Dear Weeone,

I found myself in debt, very depressed and thought I could not be of any use to any1 - U can find my thread on the site.

I will not lie to you, it is difficult to get out of the depression you currently have, but it CAN be done. It takes what feels like a gi-normous step, but once you make it, it will relieve so much of the pressure from you - you will wonder why you hadn't made it before.

You need help, and we on the site will offer all we can. I simply could not have carried on had it not been for the support of people on this site, so now I feel it is my duty to help others who are in that "dark" place I was.

Please contact the samaritans, it helps to talk things through, debts are secondary here, YOU have to be well before you tackle your debts. Members of your family may not be able to help you financially, but I am sure they will also echo all the thoughts here in that debt is just money and can be sorted out. Your mental health and welfare is far more important.

Weeone, please post back, all of us on here, want to know you are ok, and want to help you as much as we can.

Believe me when I say, I WAS where you are, I am not totally debt free, but I AM free of the stress, worry and mental anguish and can see a way forward.

I KNOW you can get there too.

GQ xx

angelflower_2

weeone

so sorry to hear you are still feeling so bad. I can identify with some of what you have been talking about. My mother was mentally ill all through my growing up but she was finally diagnosed and sectioned when I was 17 where I became responsible for the house, my younger brother and every mess she had made during her ill periods. I did this without much success and have also developed problems with money and coping skills. I tell you this because I hope it will put into context what I am saying next.

You need to be honest as possible when talking with the council. I have recently been through a horrible proceedure with them because I was late submitting information to them and I was given an interview under caution etc. The result was an adminstration order where I was given a fine which has been added to the total of my debt. Any criminal conviction is unlikely unless you are talking tens of thousands and they find out from other sources rather than you talking with them. I think you need to try and relax until you hear back from them then keep posting here and the knowledgeable ones like RAS will help you through each stage. Please know that you are not in a bad situation in comparrison to a lot of others out there. I was convinced that I would get a conviction because of the way people tend to try and spell out the worst possible option and for that personal need to prepare. How often do we expect the worst which then never comes to pass.

I understand that the emotional loss and feelings you have regarding your mum are very strong. When you have shouldered the burden for so long, it is desperately difficult finding your place in the world when your world is changing and is seemingly out of control. That being said, I dont think you have realised but you are in control! You have posted, you have been seeking help and there are people here to help you. I hope today has been ok for you. Any medication related to depression etc will take about 6 weeks to really help so you have to bare with it.

It is hard but you will get through this. And we will be with you every step of the way. Take care!!

RAS

Weeone

Could you just let us know you are OK?

We would like to help if we can.

Hugs

RAS

angelicmary85

I was wondering what happened to this thread, I came looking for it a few days ago but couldn't find it. I hope you're o.k - not had another pm from you since the night you started this thread.

Weeone_3

I wasn't coping.. about two weeks ago I tried to end things.. sleeping pills and booze... my brother visited by chance and found me... I was in hospital for a while. Still not sure I'm coping.. not heard from council yet.. not sure .. what the next step should be.. I'm still really struggling.. Tahnk you to you all, and thank you Angel flower..you're situation sounds very similar..I've been talking to my brtothers and sister.. and while I know our upbringing wasn't unique, it sure was a different way of life to that of my friends... I don't know where to start. Wait for the council to contact me, contact them? Will they allow me to explain what's happened in my life ?Will they be imterested as to why I've gotten into this mess? I want to tell them I just want to sort it out..to pay anything thats owed to make a clean start..but will they be interested?