Support for people with Depression

divadee

It has taken me months to get the courage to post in here. And after a wake up call this weekend of ruining my husbands birthday I feel I have to for the sake of my family.

3 years ago I was a very happy, bubbly and outgoing woman. 2 and a half years ago my life changed when my beloved dad died of a heart attack in the middle of the night. I had spoken to him on the phone earlier in the day but a few days before this we had had words as me and my hubby had a silly argument and my dad told me to stop being silly. I blame myself for putting stress on my dad.

I feel the need to punish myself daily for causing his heart attack. I don't deserve to be happy. I email my dad daily to say sorry. I don't like life, I'm not suicidal but I just have no joy or happiness even when 'good' things happen. This weekend I ruined my husbands birthday and I don't know why. I have left my job recently as I just wasn't coping and I don't know why.

Last year my husband was taken seriously ill and we nearly lost him. Things got even worse after this. I'm paranoid about people getting sick, constantly dosing the family up with stuff to stop anyone getting ill.

This weekend has been my wake up call. I'm ruining my husbands and my daughters life's. I have no quality of life myself as there is no fun in life.

This morning I have phoned cruse bereavement and my gp. I have an appointment for tomorrow morning with my gp and I have had phone counselling and I am arranging face to face counselling through cruse.

I'm sorry for rambling on, in this post. I hope it makes sense, but I am hoping these small steps will get me out of the black hole that is getting deeper and deeper by the day.

LameWolf

Divadee honey, well done on plucking up the courage to post. Well done also on arranging to see the GP and Cruse. I'm so very sorry to hear about your Dad, and also your husband's illness; I have no real understanding of bereavement, but I'm thinking you're stuck in the grief process, and this is slowly eating you up. I hope to goodness you can get the help you need to stop blaming yourself - I know, it's easy to say "If I'd done X instead of Y, or if I hadn't done Z this wouldn't have happened" but you know, life's never that simple.

I hear you - I don't like life, either; but in my case it's simply I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. (And sick and tired of trying to get through to medical bods that constant pain drags one down very swiftly!!) I don't have an answer to the problem, but please know that you're not alone in this. Have a virtual (((HUG))).

Ramble away - you're making more sense than you probably think.:o Please post again when you've had your next appointments.:o

divadee

I have had my gp appointment and apart from her looking about 16 (I'm only 35 but begin to feel old when the drs are so young!) she was great.

I have been prescribed citalopram 20mg a day but I'm scared to take them. I feel it could be a slippery slope. The dr said that cruse will be a great help as with my problem only counselling in conjunction with medication will help. Just taking medication would be pointless.

I just have to decide on the medication now. My husband got the tablets so they are here. It's just wether I take them or not.

LameWolf

Divadee well done - yes, GPs do look young these days, don't they (mind you, I'm in my 50s, so just about everyone looks young to me!):D

If you're worried about taking the tablets, why not talk to the GP again; she can explain all the implications, and reassure you. I just had a look online, and it seems they're an "SSRI" type of tablet; I've had that sort before (albeit a different specific one) with no ill-effect.

I imagine the GP is envisaging you taking them for a short time, while you get the help you need from Cruse; not everyone who has anti-d's ends up taking them long term.;)

In your shoes, I'd look at it like this: if you broke your ankle, you'd use a crutch for a few weeks while it healed; I'd think of the tablets as the crutch you need for your mental health, just for a bit, til your healing is under way.:o

But do keep your GP in the loop - she needs to know if you decide against taking them, because she'll assume you're taking them as she's advised.

scottishfreebiehunter

divadee wrote: »

It has taken me months to get the courage to post in here. And after a wake up call this weekend of ruining my husbands birthday I feel I have to for the sake of my family.

3 years ago I was a very happy, bubbly and outgoing woman. 2 and a half years ago my life changed when my beloved dad died of a heart attack in the middle of the night. I had spoken to him on the phone earlier in the day but a few days before this we had had words as me and my hubby had a silly argument and my dad told me to stop being silly. I blame myself for putting stress on my dad.

I feel the need to punish myself daily for causing his heart attack. I don't deserve to be happy. I email my dad daily to say sorry. I don't like life, I'm not suicidal but I just have no joy or happiness even when 'good' things happen. This weekend I ruined my husbands birthday and I don't know why. I have left my job recently as I just wasn't coping and I don't know why.

Last year my husband was taken seriously ill and we nearly lost him. Things got even worse after this. I'm paranoid about people getting sick, constantly dosing the family up with stuff to stop anyone getting ill.

This weekend has been my wake up call. I'm ruining my husbands and my daughters life's. I have no quality of life myself as there is no fun in life.

This morning I have phoned cruse bereavement and my gp. I have an appointment for tomorrow morning with my gp and I have had phone counselling and I am arranging face to face counselling through cruse.

I'm sorry for rambling on, in this post. I hope it makes sense, but I am hoping these small steps will get me out of the black hole that is getting deeper and deeper by the day.

You posting this is a step i right direction!!! You are a kind women and should not be punishing yourself!! Phone Counselling is ok but in long run get help throuh doc. I will be in touch xx

UnluckyT

hello all.hope you are all okay and hugs to all, especially those in need.
im still up and down, havent a clue what causing it, could be the time of the year although im an anxouse/easily stressed person.
still trying to plod on, chin up. finding it tricky with some of the people i get bieng rude/nasty to me in work (and not just the customers), plus having such awful family who seem to believe/treat me like im immature and stupid.
but hey ho, i know im better than them and will thier eventually.

LameWolf

Hey, UnluckyT I gave up on families years ago.:cool: To be honest, people who can't do other than be unpleasant aren't worth wasting energy bothering about. But it's easier said than done, I know.

I'm mega-stressed; got a letter from the hospital, I have to see the rheumy on 13th November, and she's definitely not a pleasant person - the sort, who when asked how best to cope with chronic fatigue of the sort that can drop you like a sledgehammer with zero warning, just says to "go away and live with it". Grrrr:mad:

On top of that, I have to have a blood test on Wednesday - the last time, I collapsed outside the surgery, as I'm needle-phobic, so desperately hoping I don't do a repeat performance.:eek:

Thankfully Mr LW is on leave this week, so he'll be driving me and pushing my wheelchair.:o

Have a good day, everyone.:beer:

Raksha

LameWolf wrote: »

Hey, UnluckyT I gave up on families years ago.:cool: To be honest, people who can't do other than be unpleasant aren't worth wasting energy bothering about. But it's easier said than done, I know.

I'm mega-stressed; got a letter from the hospital, I have to see the rheumy on 13th November, and she's definitely not a pleasant person - the sort, who when asked how best to cope with chronic fatigue of the sort that can drop you like a sledgehammer with zero warning, just says to "go away and live with it". Grrrr:mad:

On top of that, I have to have a blood test on Wednesday - the last time, I collapsed outside the surgery, as I'm needle-phobic, so desperately hoping I don't do a repeat performance.:eek:

Thankfully Mr LW is on leave this week, so he'll be driving me and pushing my wheelchair.:o

Have a good day, everyone.:beer:

I'll be thinkning of you Wolfie

Having started to feel better, I've spent the last two weeks wiped out by a chesty cough. I woke up at 12.30 this morning (am not pm) with a pounding migraine, slept through until 1.30 pm, so that's Monday down the pan.

However, on Saturday I went to a Laughter Yoga session with some friends from my local Red Hat Ladies group - had a wonderful time and got in touch with the inner child :rotfl:

LameWolf

Thanks Raksha; any posi-vibes available will be gratefully received.:o

Garrrgh, migraines are horrible. I hope you're feeling better by now.

Mr LW has asked that we visit the cinema tonight - Cheapie Tuesday at Cinew0rld.;) We'll use my CEA card, so only need to pay for one ticket - looks like the best offering (for our taste) is Resident Evil 5.:o

I was a little cheered up today - I won £100 in an online draw, and the cheque arrived, so I got Mr LW to take me into town to bank it; that will help offset some of the cost of my new hearing aid.:T

UnluckyT

thanks lone wolf. much appreciated.
if it not one thing it seems to be another at the moment. im kinda struggling but have an appointment with the gp next monday so im hoping to try and plod on till then. could be the time of year, but i feel it could be where i dont really have any friends or any one to talk to other than mum/sister plus people from work or drama.
i could do with something to do other than watching tv, but at a loss. i guess i will work something out.
my two aunts and thier kids i dont speak to or see very much as they cant be bothered about any one or thing except themselves which suits me and i dont bother with them. it just one of my aunts has let herself go, screams, !!!!!es and moans at my mum she cant do anything etc then wonders why we dont see her etc. but she wont talk that way to her sister (my other aunt that way) who will run her round in the car, but wont do sod all for anyone else.
i get impression and feeling from people i work with and customers that im seen as stupid, not allowed to speak up for myself or anything like that. it just so hard to deal with.