Support for people with Depression

sock-knitter

my pharmacist, (boots) wont give any meds without prescription, not even when i've been on same meds for some time, luckily my gp will print an emergency script the same day.
hi mummyplus3, welcome to the thread, (((hugs)))
ladym, fingers crossed for the car passing its mot.
things still bleak hear, lads getting more difficult each day, and one has left school today, so i will be responsible for him 24/7 til sept when he starts college, other lad leaves in a weeks time:eek:
alcohol consumption has increased, and i know its a depressant, and i know i'm not supposed to drink on meds, but its the only way i can get cope right now.
still seeing cpn on a weekly appointment.
DLA has been cut from HRC to LRC, but thats the least of my worries right now.
miro, have things improved with your flatmate
hugs all
shaz xxx

UnluckyT

hi all, hope all okay, big hugs for those that need it.
been all over the place, but kinda okay at the moment.
suffering with my sleep as im worried about the job retention officer and hr coming in to help sort out hopefully funding my dyslexia test plus the problems ive been having in work.

littlestar1981

I've having my first bad day in 5 days... but it's a really bad day. Was getting referred to a CPN as a priority but not heard anything after a week. Don't know how long to leave it but I really need someone :-(

Maybe if I was getting more sleep I'd be OK, I'm having super vivid dreams and waking at 5 every morning (even though my body doesn't want to as the meds are making it 100 times harder to wake up than normal)

trumpton

I usually hang around on the Consumer Vent board, but wandered over here to look up something about dentists and saw this thread.

I haven't read the thread, but thought I would list some books
which I have found very helpful. They are based on cognitive therapy and all available at Smiths, Amazon, Waterstones etc. They helped me a great deal in understanding how your thoughts fuel how you feel and how you can overcome that. Easier said than done, I know, but I found them really helpful:

Stop Thinking, Start living - Dr Richard Carlson

Feeling Good: New Mood Therapy - Dr David Burns

The Worry Cure - Dr Richard Leahy

Finally, Self Help For Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes is a fantastic book which provides a lot of reassurance and comfort for people suffering from anxiety and depression.

Obviously, anyone with anxiety depression should see their doctor first as there may be a physical cause and medication may be appropriate. HTH.

Tiff_2

Hi ettie b!
Morning angel - how are you?
Ahem.......

My piece of birthday wisdom for you hunnie?
Tiffy says.....
''Never do anything you're too embarrassed to explain and describe to the paramedics!''

Have an amazing day sweetheart. Thinking of you as always.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi itsadogslife!
Thank you for posting, angel - you're most welcome here. Sending sincere apologies for not replying more promptly, iadl. (Bad Tiffy!)
I'm sorry to read about how rough things are for you and your family. It's hard on everyone when a family member or friend has mental ill health and/or addiction issues. It's always a complicated situation and so to try and help, I've broken things down into separate issues.

iadl wrote:

Hi, I don't normally post on this thread but am feeling very fed up and sorry for myself today. My father has suffered for most of his life with mental health issues and alcohol abuse at times but has mostly been good for a long time (probably about 15 years) but for the last 2 years he has had a lot of business pressure and in the recession this has gone up the wall. Things have finally come go a head in the last 3 months and it is now done, business gone, the lot, but I think he is possibly poorly again. I have spoken to him on the phone tonight and he was upset, crying, talking about lots of things in the past.

Your dad.
Of course, he must be devastated - it must be terrible for him to have lost his business, whatever the cause may have been. Regardless of his mental health issues, to have lost something that you have worked a long time to build up is a form of bereavement. Time's still new and everything's raw for him and anybody would need some time to get over the shock of it all and to 'grieve'. This will have affected all areas of his life and it is a huge adjustment for him ~ and probably more so if he managed to build a business whilst having mental ill health. Unfortunately, I can't say that this will take 'X' amount of weeks for anyone to recover from as people take varying amounts of time to adjust to new situations.

Generally speaking, I know it's hard for people but please try not to automatically link someone's previous mental ill health as being the cause of their current reactions to such an upheaval in the first instance. That's not to say you shouldn't monitor their mental health - you should, especially if they've had previous mental ill health. Initially, try to see their distress as a natural result of the particular situation and ask yourself, 'How would I react in this situation?'
Sorry - back to you iadl.

The good news here is that he is communicating, iadl - that is so important. I know it's awful for you to see him in such distress but it's healthier than him keeping everything bottled up. Though it puts huge pressure on you, it is also a sign of his love and trust for you that he feels he can open up to you like this. Another good point here hunnie, is that he's been generally well for 15 years and only started having any noticeable problems in the last two years with the recession hitting his business. That's an achievement in itself! There are days, (I won't tell you exactly how many! ), when I have the equivalent of a n.a.t.o summit debate with myself on what I will have for dinner - and that's if I remember to have dinner!

iadl wrote:

My father seems to have lots of regrets, but the way he was on the phone earlier made me wonder whether he was drinking again. I either thought he was drinking or has had some kind of breakdown. He promises that he has not been drinking, although he girlfriend told me that he doesnt drink anymore apart from a few cans of lager??? I didn't think ex-alcoholics could have just the odd can of lager??? He apologised and said he is just feeling sorry for himself and texted me to say he is OK.

I'm glad he sent you a text apologising and letting you know he is okay. It may have been a case of him needing to vent and let it all out. This shows that he is aware of what's happening and what he did and how it must have made you feel, which is another positive sign.
It may be a good idea to encourage him to go to his gp - would he go if you went with him? Your dad's generally managed very well over recent years, with the alcohol issues only happening on and off and it'd be a shame for him to slip backwards. You can write down any questions your dad and you may have, which will help if you're worried about forgetting anything or not knowing where to start. GPs have access to a range of services and they are a quick point of contact for us. As well as any mental health issues, the dr can help with alcohol issues and anything else that needs looking at. So maybe something along the lines of, ''Let's visit the gp and see what they may be able to do to support you. I'll come with you if you want me to. At least you'll know what options you may have and you can make any choices that interest you.''

If nothing else, it may help to put both your minds at ease having had a professional opinion.

Here are a couple of links that may be of interest on mental health and the recession and also some that link to sites about addiction. I'm not a professional angel, so please read everything carefully for yourself and then make well-considered decisions.
From MIND - http://www.mind.org.uk/
New NHS Stressline helps people struggling with the recession
The NHS Stressline is a freephone number – 0300 123 2000 – where you can speak to trained health advisors for practical advice and emotional support.

CAB link
www.adviceguide.org.uk

Alcohol concerns...

Addaction

National charity that provides a range of services to help transform the lives of people affected by drug and alcohol problems. Details of local services available on the website.

Turning Point
National organisation that provides health and social care services for people with complex needs, including alcohol and drug misuse and mental health problems
The Alliance
User led organisation that provides information and advocacy for people accessing treatment for drug and alcohol problems

Your turn...

iadl wrote:

I feel awful for a number of reasons but selfishly one of the worst things is my feelings of I don't want to deal with this again. I spent most of my growing up life with anxieties and worry as a child whether daddy was going to be there, sober etc. I feel desperately sorry for him but desperately guilty that I don't want to get dragged down. I am often the person that everyone tells their problems too, they then feel better and I get bogged down with them. Bringing me down with them, I get the knots in my tummy, weepy, emotional. I just feel sick and knotted in my tummy He is a grown man and I am a grown woman but it still makes me feel that sick feeling in my tummy of anxiety that I felt when I was 7 wondering whether he would be coming to pick me up or stayed at the pub and left me where I was

And of course the other person who's just as important in all this is you, iadl. It's natural for you to feel the way you do with all that's happened. It will never matter how old you are, angel - you will always be father and daughter to each other.
I'm not trying to be rude or offensive when I say that I got a real sense of your almost childlike vulnerability in this part of the post. Maybe there are issues that you have which may benefit from some counselling? It sounds like you had a rough time as a child, hunnie and it may not be a bad idea for you to see your dr too for some ideas on this point.
But, whether it's dad, friends or colleagues, you have to learn to keep yourself mentally and emotionally safe. You sound extremely stressed and the dr may be able to suggest some counselling which in turn may give you some coping techniques. You can't save the world sweetheart and shouldn't try to either. Maybe if people know that, even though you're a strong little thing, you sometimes need support or some time out and some tlc too and they might be more supportive to you.
Again, there's nothing wrong with this, iadl. Don't feel guilty angel - many of us would feel/ have felt the same way.
Having listed support for dad, please believe that there's support for you too.

Adfam Support for family and friends of people with drug and alcohol problems.
Al-Anonuk Supports partners and family members of problem drinkers.

From MIND ~
http://www.mind.org.uk/help/medical_and_alternative_care/mind_guide_to_managing_stress

http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/looking-after-you/looking-after-your-health/coping-with-guilt-and-resentment
http://www.carersuk.org/index.php?option=com_k2&view=item&layout=item&id=2047&Itemid=149

And now for my favourite bit...your dh!

iadl wrote:

My husband doesn't help in these situations as he doesn't believe in mental health issues. He has never suffered and never experienced it so it is a subject that we have to agree to disagree on. I think he thinks that my dad needs to pull himself together. He gets cross with my dad for talking to me in this way which then upsets me.
Sorry, I don't mean to moan to you guys but I feel like I need to just tell someone about my grotty evening.

So not only do you have your own worries, as well as your dad's worries, you also have an oh that ''doesn't believe in mental health issues''!
You are quite right to say that it's understandable that people with no experience of mental health issues find it hard to sympathise. It's also natural for him to be concerned at the effect all this is having on you. Fair play, so far.
Not believing in Santa or the Tooth Fairy is one thing - (sorry to break it to you like this, guys but there are people who don't believe in them!) -but to not believe in mental health issues is cause for the Tiffster to show him the red card. Please send him round to Tiff Towers immediately for a crash course in reality! Points to be covered will include:
1. He hasn't had any experience of mental ill health yet.

2. Quoting MIND, ''The Office for National Statistics or ONS puts the figure at one in six adults at any one time. Another major survey that is frequently quoted puts the figure at one in four. The one in six figure given by the ONS represents those people defined as having 'significant' mental health problems, whilst the latter survey uses a wider definition of mental health problems. The breakdown below gives an overview of what treatment those who experience mental health problems are likely to seek and get:

• around 300 people out of 1,000 will experience mental health problems every year in Britain
• 230 of these will visit a GP
• 102 of these will be diagnosed as having a mental health problem
• 24 of these will be referred to a specialist psychiatric service
• 6 will become inpatients in psychiatric hospitals. ''

3. If there's no such thing, how does he explain the existence of people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, for example? Or how about the traumas of victims of abuse? Or how about the people who commit suicide? Surely these are not examples of good mental health?!


4. If mental health issues don't exist, here's a little science for him...

NC Andreasen - American Journal of Psychiatry, 1997 - Am Psychiatric Assoc Am J Psychiatry 154:5, May 1997
''

When did psychiatry begin to exist? It probably began with the recognition of the importance of diseases that affect the mind, leading to the creating of special sanatoria for their treatment in classical Greece and, subsequently, in Islamic countries, in Europe, and in the United States. I enjoy pointing out to my fellow physicians and scientists and the lay public what most readers of this journal already know—that psychiatry may be the oldest of the medical specialties, that the American Psychiatric Association and The American Journal of Psychiatry celebrated their 150th anniversary several years ago, and that the Journal is the oldest continuously published specialty journal in the United States.....
At present, mental illnesses include some with known brain mechanisms (e.g., Alzheimer’s disease), some with suspected and partially demonstrated brain mechanisms (e.g., schizophrenia), and some with mechanisms that clearly reflect an interaction between the brain and personal experiences (e.g., posttraumatic stress disorder).''

I hope this has helped hun. Be kind to yourself.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

UnluckyT

hi all, hope all okay, getting their and so on.
heat/weather affecting me a little,tired, plus nervouse about having my ganglian sorted under local tomorrow.
plus not coping in general very well as im doing my general fill my freezer with high fat cheap conveniance food to scoff it and throw it, plus other junk.
plus because im worried about my weight, which is partly why i seem to be getting so funny with food on and off more lately, plus just dont like the way i look and other people take the pea out of my size and the struggle being 5ft1, 16 stone getting clothes.
lots of niggly things and just life it seems to be getting me like most including managing my money, plus being able to afford the things i want to do have ie horse riding and holidays, dsi and games, being able to afford vegetarian/vegan alternitives to everything being vegetarian and learn to cook properly.
keep plodding on i guess and trying to work it out.

Miroslav

It's all a bit quiet. I hope this means everyone is well and enjoying the weather, although it appears today the weather has gone a bit downhill.

UnluckyT

Hi all, hope everyone is okay, on the way up and hugs to those that need them.
Life still going on as normal, plodding on as anyone could do and trying to make the most of things.
Ganglian op went fine, still plodding on and trying sort out/put up a fight with my 'faddyness' with food and the rest of it.

Tiff_2

Hi guys!

Well, here I am as promised, many months late, with the next instalment of 'The Tiff Chronicles'. I'm sorry about the delay in posting but I've been busy living Chronicles 11 to 15! This chronicle was really hard to write because it's been a very full 2 years since I posted Part 9 about my Mum passing away and it feels as though Life hasn't put me down since. Apologies in advance because I can't promise to make any sense whatsoever in the coming post, or guarantee any fluffiness - so don't say you haven't been warned! I needed to post a little back story first in the hope of things making more sense and then I'm posting Part 10 properly.
A bit of back story here...

As with all family relationships, there's a back story to everything. It's like having a script for a play except you only are given one line before your lines are due. You don't get to see the whole story, the plot, any details or even the full nature of the people involved. Is it any wonder then that we rarely get to see what's coming our way before it hits us? Maybe it's better that we don't know, although after this last year I'd be willing to argue against that.
Mum's family really were her whole world. She was very much a people person and adored children and had the kindest heart I've ever seen. Mum couldn't understand why us three children would argue when we were younger because she was so very close to her brother and sister. Mum could sense and hated any kind of atmosphere or upset - she couldn't bear it. My sister, ''X'', the second eldest, has quite a volatile personality, and my brother, ''Y'', the youngest, has too at times, though he will apologise. As for myself, if something's wrong then I find it hard to just ignore it. I'd spent most of my adult life living away from home, working a lot, getting married, having DS and living abroad. After being held hostage and nearly dying at work overseas, I needed all the love and support I could get. Recovery from such traumas is not a five minute thing by any means and we returned gome. I was now 3,500 miles away from where it had happened but it was still with me, affecting me, and people couldn't understand that. Bless her, my Mum thought that because I was home again, with her there to love me, it would make it all right. But that's not the way it works - it had still happened and I still couldn't believe that someone could do that, could hate another person, could want them dead. I didn't feel I deserved to live, that this was a culmination of all the traumas I've already been through in my life, (see Chronicles 1-9! ), that somehow I must have deserved it all. At the time, I never stopped to think about what awful it must have been for Mum, how gut-wrenchingly terrible it must have been for a mother to watch her child come home, broken and traumatised.

I tried to be out of the way as much as possible as I didn't agree with a lot of things going on. The first week or so was filled with hugs, laughter and jokes, but over the weeks, things started to sour. I had a problem with some of the things going on and was frustrated at keeping my muxxle shut. One issue I had was with X: she'd started to flirt in a very 'sexy' way with my husband. We'd always had a jokey banter, X was always flirty but this was OTT. I felt angry with both of them - that they could be so insensitive to me, so disrespectful, so thoughtless, after all I'd been through. If it was any other woman doing this, there'd have been one hell of a verbal fur fight long ago. I know, I know, I probably sound like a jealous old bunny boiler, don't I? I spoke to X about it on two occasions when we were alone, (a rare event), and I was crying and explaining how hurtful it was. She apologised, said she didn't mean it, had tears herself and we hugged. Things were fine for a few days and then it was happening again! Yet when she needed any tiffing, (help), I helped her because I could, because I wanted to. I want to say that X has had some very tough times and that she'd started to become depressed on and off because of her finances and family problems. Eventually after a few weeks and some ads, X was usually able to carry on and returned to work, was driving, dated and got engaged and things were good for her for quite a while, but the relationship didn't work out. I just don't want to make her out to be the bad guy here, because I know opinions are very subjective things: I have to factor in that I was ill physically and mentally too and God knows I'm not perfect. It's rarely just all one person's fault after all, so maybe I was to blame somehow too?

Let's go back then, to the day Mum passed away: Friday, 9th January, 2009. I'd been dropped off about 4 a.m. and made it through the front door before I finally fell apart. The sound of my front door shutting was like the full stop at the end of a sentence. Mum. Gone. Truthfully I can't recall most of that first day - mainly drinking endless cups of black tea and smoking cigarettes, so please understand if I backtrack as I recall something. I didn't go to bed, I wanted to stay awake to make the phone calls to family. So many of them had passed away in the last year or two that it was suddenly a very short list. As soon as they answered the phone, I think my shakey voice gave the game away but I kad to say the words anyway. And you, my amazing friends, were right here for me. I recall saying at the time how you were like a virtual family, that you were really holding me up and how touched I was at your messages. You can never knew how truly those words were meant, which was kind of wonderful but also sad.
I had a call from my brother, Y, who took me shopping for food later that Friday morning. Y told me he'd had a phone call from the council saying that we needed to clear Mum's sheltered flat out before Monday, with the keys handed to the Warden on the Sunday afternooon or we'd be charged an extra week's rent! I was so upset - Mum hadn't even been gone 12 hours, for God's sake!

So please guys, an MSE tip here: if you have any say in the matter, please try and shuffle off this mortal coil early in the week so that you won't risk incurring rent charges!

Right, enough back story methinks - grab your cuppa, some biccies and a sleeping bag for the duration, 'cos it's going to be a long one.

Much Love,

Tiff xxx