Support for people with Depression

RonniesMummy

wolvesinwales wrote: »

Hi ,

Hoping for a bit of advice if possible. Im currently staying with my fiancee who suffers with depression, we have been together 5 months and although i am learning a lot already there always seems to be new challenges to deal with and today i am at a loss what to do.
She had a very stressful Xmas and it ended in me being kicked out again but we have since got back together, we have had a good couple of days but a note from her daughter has brought all the stress from Xmas back and despite a good night last night she has not spoken to me this morning and has gone back to bed, I have tried to talk to her but she doesnt want to know. Any advice would be appreciated as to how best to handle things, i feeel like if i keep onto her it might make things worse but am i doing the wrong thing if i try to give her space?

Hiya Wolves - Its nice to see that you really care for you partner. Has she been diagnosed with depression from the GP? And on any medication? Maybe worth going to the GP with her so you can get a better understanding of it? Its difficult with depression because everyone deals with theirs differently. I like to hide away from everyone close to me and be left alone - but then that makes me feel even more down, its a horrible cycle. So maybe just go upstairs and say your here for her if she wants to talk - and maybe suggest going out for a little drive or a walk or something to take her mind off the depression ? Easier said than done i know. Just make it clear to her you want to support her.

Finally well done you - its so hard being strong for someone who is ill with depression, i put so much strain on my family. Just make sure you have somewhere to go to relax too

xx

wolvesinwales

RonniesMummy wrote: »

Hiya Wolves - Its nice to see that you really care for you partner. Has she been diagnosed with depression from the GP? And on any medication? Maybe worth going to the GP with her so you can get a better understanding of it? Its difficult with depression because everyone deals with theirs differently. I like to hide away from everyone close to me and be left alone - but then that makes me feel even more down, its a horrible cycle. So maybe just go upstairs and say your here for her if she wants to talk - and maybe suggest going out for a little drive or a walk or something to take her mind off the depression ? Easier said than done i know. Just make it clear to her you want to support her.

Finally well done you - its so hard being strong for someone who is ill with depression, i put so much strain on my family. Just make sure you have somewhere to go to relax too

xx

Hi yes she has had breakdowns in the past and is on medication , we went to an out of hours clinic yesterday but they just said to go to her own doctor on monday, which am planning on doing but hoping she will agree as she is not saying anything still, good idea about going in with her hope that she will let me.
I have been checking on her and reassuring her but just worried because i know in the past she hates being 'bombarded' and from experience when i'm not with her ( i usually live 90 miles away) leads her to withdraw even more ie turn phone off etc so just trying to strike a balance.
Thanks for your help xx

RonniesMummy

I withdraw too, I ignore phonecalls, knocks at the door anything. The problem i find with GP's etc is that they are so busy the care isnt there. Ive been back and forth for a year and my therapist said i have severe depression and its disgusting how the nhs have treated me.
So im back to the mental health clinic AGAIN monday.
If you need any advice you know where i am. Just maybe send her a card and flowers to say you care but understand she needs her space ?
xx

abitlost_2

I've seen a thread recently where someone has been given a lot of support and has been able to just be honest and say how they feel, I want to do the same. It's so selfish but I need someone to talk to...

I've been struggling with myself for a long time, I'd never have called it depression before although looking back, it probably was. I could list all the things that have happened in my life but what would be the point in that? For around... 5/6 years it's all gone wrong and recently it's just too much. My boyfriend has depression/anxiety and gets angry at me when he's having a hard time, nothing major but it means I can't really speak to him about things anymore. My mum is a whole story herself and really needs professional help, I end up sorting all her problems out most of the time and while she is "speaking to people" she is in no way getting what she needs so that option is out. And I just don't have friends... because of all of this nobody realises what a mess I'm becoming.

I go to work during the week but have started taking random days off during the week because I just can't hack it. At the weekend I spend my days in bed, all day unless I'm forced to go out. I'm struggling to go to work, I can't get myself out of bed and I know lots of people say this and I've always thought it a bit stupid when people who are depressed say it but I literally cannot get out of bed, I have no desire to, so I end up getting up 10 minutes before I am supposed to leave and being late. My house is a disaster, dishes are piling up, washing needs done, everything needs cleaned (I sound like such a tramp now) and I sit and night and think "tomorrow I'll sort it out" but it never happens. I just CAN'T make myself do any of it.

If I'm sitting here alone and watching TV I'll just start getting tears in my eyes for no apparent reason, almost as if it's a sad part of a film but only it isn't, it's just something normal. I feel so sorry for myself all of the time and other people need my help so I feel awful for being selfish sometimes.

I have previously spoken to doctors a few years ago and had an "assessment" at one point when things got a bit more serious, but I can't really convey to anyone how I feel face to face so was told it was all to do with my circumstances at the time and that nothing was wrong with me basically, they told me to read self help books....

Somehow it feels better to just ramble to people, I guess that's just what I wanted to do.

--- copying and pasting this from when I posted it wrongly on another thread.

abitlost_2

Nobody here.... really feel alone tonight.

abitlost_2

Louise22 wrote: »

Hello RBK!

Having a bit of an off day. Sick of being paranoid about my friends and analysing everything. Feeling quite sad actually. I am fed up of feeling like this, always thinking the worst.

Nevermind, I am sure I will get over it.

How are you feeling today?

Im thinking of you, I really am. I wish there was something that I could say or do to make you feel better. I hate the thought of another human being feeling so bad.

Big hugs x

This struck a chord, I get so paranoid about things too. I think everyone in work doesn't like me and that they are all talking about me behind my back (although knowing my work, it is quite likely). I feel so awkward there because of it.

Hope you are feeling a bit better today and sorry for picking on your post, just keep wanting to "admit" to things....

RonniesMummy

abitlost wrote: »

I've seen a thread recently where someone has been given a lot of support and has been able to just be honest and say how they feel, I want to do the same. It's so selfish but I need someone to talk to...

I've been struggling with myself for a long time, I'd never have called it depression before although looking back, it probably was. I could list all the things that have happened in my life but what would be the point in that? For around... 5/6 years it's all gone wrong and recently it's just too much. My boyfriend has depression/anxiety and gets angry at me when he's having a hard time, nothing major but it means I can't really speak to him about things anymore. My mum is a whole story herself and really needs professional help, I end up sorting all her problems out most of the time and while she is "speaking to people" she is in no way getting what she needs so that option is out. And I just don't have friends... because of all of this nobody realises what a mess I'm becoming.

I go to work during the week but have started taking random days off during the week because I just can't hack it. At the weekend I spend my days in bed, all day unless I'm forced to go out. I'm struggling to go to work, I can't get myself out of bed and I know lots of people say this and I've always thought it a bit stupid when people who are depressed say it but I literally cannot get out of bed, I have no desire to, so I end up getting up 10 minutes before I am supposed to leave and being late. My house is a disaster, dishes are piling up, washing needs done, everything needs cleaned (I sound like such a tramp now) and I sit and night and think "tomorrow I'll sort it out" but it never happens. I just CAN'T make myself do any of it.

If I'm sitting here alone and watching TV I'll just start getting tears in my eyes for no apparent reason, almost as if it's a sad part of a film but only it isn't, it's just something normal. I feel so sorry for myself all of the time and other people need my help so I feel awful for being selfish sometimes.

I have previously spoken to doctors a few years ago and had an "assessment" at one point when things got a bit more serious, but I can't really convey to anyone how I feel face to face so was told it was all to do with my circumstances at the time and that nothing was wrong with me basically, they told me to read self help books....

Somehow it feels better to just ramble to people, I guess that's just what I wanted to do.

--- copying and pasting this from when I posted it wrongly on another thread.

Hiya Hun - How are you feeling today?
Sorry i didnt see your post sooner. This does sound like depression, go back to your gp - even print this post off and show them how you feel sometimes its easier than actually talking to them.
I understand how hard it is - i often cry at nothing, sometimes cant be bothered to cry at all.
If you want to you can PM me, Hope your feeling a little better today, and remember your not alone
xxx

abitlost_2

RonniesMummy wrote: »

Hiya Hun - How are you feeling today?
Sorry i didnt see your post sooner. This does sound like depression, go back to your gp - even print this post off and show them how you feel sometimes its easier than actually talking to them.
I understand how hard it is - i often cry at nothing, sometimes cant be bothered to cry at all.
If you want to you can PM me, Hope your feeling a little better today, and remember your not alone
xxx

I was wondering that, is it ok to write things instead of speak about them too much? I am really not much use at talking about it, I just get upset and irritable, then they end up hating me for being snappy with them

I have sat all morning trying to persuade myself to go find the local pool and go swimming, I haven't been in a pool for 3 years and don't even know if I'll know how anymore (wasn't that good to begin with either) but it'll get me out and I bought a new swimsuit months ago for the occasion (then never did it). The more I sit here the more I persuade myself not to. I keep thinking people will look at me and I'll do things all wrong and they'll be thinking I'm odd or something. So, right now, I am getting myself out of bed and at least going for a walk with my stuff to find it.

RonniesMummy

Your like me there then, i refuse to go to the gym cos people will look at me, im lucky that my mum will come with me and we do a aqua aerobics class - and everyone is well over 60 so im the youngest there by a mile so no one looks at you, and if they do its to say oh i wish i had a figure like that again... Maybe you should see if there is any classes like that there ?

Sometimes doctors need it all written down, i am useless at explaining myself so they never used to get what i was saying, so in the end i took my mum to tell them lol!!

xx

abitlost_2

I walked the half hour to the pool and now walking it home, there was nobody in the pool and the receptionist and guard were both young and just staring at the water, I just couldn't do it.