Support for people with Depression

rubytuesday

Therapy definitely often helps even if the depression is chemically/hormonally based.

Louise22

Hi guys

Well tomorrow is my first day back to work after being off for a month - I am being phased in for at least the first week to see how I get on but I am so nervous I seem to associate work with being ill as it was at my work where I had my panic attack 3 months ago which seems to have played a massive part in how I am feeling now.

I don't understand why I am so scared as my boss is so supportive.....I dont know, Im just disappointed in myself. I feel like such a failure, I am even struggling to cope with the idea of going back to work when it seems that everyone else seems to cope. I still don't know why this has happened to me and still can't quite believe that it has. I have been getting better the past month and am terrified I am going to start to slide again.

Natty68

Hopefully your first day back at work went okay Louise *hugs*

Natty68

*hugs* losingpatience, hopefully things will start picking up for you soon. I know what you mean about things happening to the good people, unfortunately the others seem to get off scot free for some unknown reason. Life is such a fickle thing, sometimes I wonder if she has a sense of humour and is testing me for some other thing..gods knows what though.

Please sit down and have a nice cup of tea, or whatever you drink if you don't drink tea, look around you and try and think of the good things. I know it's easier than said, I'm in that position at the moment. When life gets too much for me I try and sit and watch my garden birds feeding, with my favourite cup of tea. It helps a bit thankfully..

geminilady

losingpatience wrote: »

Well I hit a real low last night.

Yesterday we got called into the hospital to discuss OH's lung biopsy. We were originally told that it would be done under local anaesthetic and he'd be out the same day. Yesterday we got told that he'll be in hospital for 3 - 4 days as they'll have to do key hole surgery under general anaesthetic and he'll have to have a tube inserted after the op for a few days to re-inflate his lung. He'll then be off work for at least 2 weeks.

This is on top of my grandad being ill and being in hospital and my guinea pig being ill and having to be medicated twice a day. Then to top it off last night I realised I hadn't cancelled my free trial with equifax, it just completely slipped my mind with everything thats been going on and they've charged £69.99 and £6.99 and we have no money to pay this and I just burst into tears, think it was a combination of loads of things but spent a good hour crying. I don't know how we're going to cope over the next few months as OH will have to take time off work and I don't think he's going to be paid as they've already paid him for over 4 months whilst he was off sick earlier in the year when he was getting the op and radiotherapy. Company policy is to only pay in full for 28 days then SSP so we can't expect the company to pay him in full again and I don't know how we'll get by on SSP.

I just feel like the worlds against me right now, I can't take any more. We've had blow after blow and it's not fair, why do these things happen to good people. I can't cope, I don't know how to get through the day, I just want it all to end.

(((((((((Hugg))))))))))) sorry you are gong through such a hard time i know you think you cannot cope but you ARE coping you got through yesterday and the day before so you will get through tomorrow.I know it is a long shot but have you tried phoning equifax and explaining your situation with you OH ect?ask to speak to the manager and maybe just maybe he will have some human sympathy.As to the money situation i am sure you will get some type of income support as there is a minimum amount people are expected to live on.I know its not fair that so many bad things are happening to you but you are not alone bad things do happen to oter people everyday and they get through.

Crisp_£_note

Hi

I havent been diagnosed with depression but I do feel I suffer from it and stress and worry at times. So I hope no one minds me posting here. Sorry if you do. Sorry if its the wrong place as well.

After coping with the death of my father-in-law about 2 years ago (he died suddenly in hospital, only went in with a fracture and things escalated. He was only 65 but a lot older healthwise and needed full time home care which MIL / hubby and I provided with help from carers who called in twice a day. I was at his bedside when he passed away. Since his death I acquired the job to pull my mum-in-law and hubby through it which I am still doing now but no where as near as much as I was a year or 2 ago obviously, just there to lend an ear or do the odd job and support best I can. Thankfully me and MIL get allong fine.

Then I lost my own Dad back in February this year, and thats been a bit of a catapult into the latest downer. Although he was quite ill and basicaly being kept alive by a concoction of pills he went into hospital as his blood pressure dropped and never came out. My mum sent me home to do some washing thinking there was going to be a long wait and dad would bounce back as he had several times before and get back home. I missed being at his bedside when he passed away, although my Mum and brother were there.

I dont blame my mum for sending me home, despite me wanting to stay (somehow I knew it wouldnt be long, maybe its because I had been through this before and recognised the drs routines?).

Moving on and my mum is finding it hard to cope and my brother has just about had enough of trying to help. He lives about an hours drive away from my mum in Wales and I live with my hubby in Sussex so am about a 3 - 4 hr train journey away (I dont drive).

I must admit I have only visited home once at the beginning of this month (August) for Mums birthday aince the funeral. It was a big step for me. However hardly one day has passed where I have not phoned my mum at least once in the day (often two or 3 times).

My brother has provided on and off support to her and kept me in the loop. He has 2 kids and has sparated from his wife who has the kids (think he is in process of divorce). He has recently got a 1 day a week job in London but works, he says, 12 hrs a day at home editing etc (hes gone back to being a journalist reporter for some green ethical company).

Mum has found it very difficult to stay in her own home and has spent a lot of time with her sisters and this week she went to stay with my brother in his 2 bedroom flat.

I on the other hand am unemployed long term and am on Incapacity Benefit for a degenerative condition of the spine and also have other health problems, hubby is self employed (mobile car cleaner, but has had little work the past year due to recession plus we are now heading into winter again so his work will decrease even more as it is quite seasonal trade) and emloyed part time (as a seasonal casual car park marshal, which means he is often out very long shifts at various festivals around the country. Sometimes staying away from home, other times comes home very late night and goes out very early next morning if the venues are within reasonable driving distances he can tollerate without getting too tired.

We have 2 dogs and cant afford kennels and dont expect anyone to look after them for us. They are almost like our children!


I sent my brother an email to say that it would be useful for the 3 of us to get an 02 mobile with family bolt on (which apparantly for a small fixed fee per month would allow up to 5 people to call and text each other 'free' unlimited, this seems a moneysaving idea to me. My brother sent me an email today to say "please...you just talk to her direct as I cannot spend more time going 'round and 'round with all this."
My Mum has recently had to learn quickly about priority household bills (as Dad always took care of the finances) and understandably often gets confused and mixed up. It took me and my brother almost 2 months too help her decide where to switch her phone company to (she had all 3 with Sky but only wanted a landline phone and wanted to move to BT but didnt understand it all) My brother got fed up and I ended up jut letting my mum take her time and kept explaining stuff over the phone (I just want her to make her own decisions and be happy with them rather than sorting them for her and her blaming me in future if it doesnt turn out) anyway brother decided he has had enough of being dizzy and puts her on a tariff, job done.

My brother then continues
"But on a more serious note:
We are going to need your help soon, lovely.

I've actually enjoyed Mam being here most of the time, but it cannot be a long term solution. The flat is too small, although it is 2 bedrooms, it is really meant for a single person or a couple...I am hampered in my overly-busy work and very limited social life.

Plus, She needs to re-integrate more with her own home but cannot do that for long spells at a time without support. I cannot be there as much as she'd like (my children need me here and my work takes me to London and, working 12 hours a day means I get little time to myself already).

I know you ask her to visit you, and I know you have your own life too and various challenges.

But I have to play the "Family Card" now and ask you to step up to the mark and come home more often...she *loved* having you there the other week...you should hear her talking about you...she misses you more now than ever!"

And heres the bit I am so confused about, the bit thats dragging me down again. My mum has been saying to me recently she wants to come and stay for a while, maybe a month. Which on the one hand is ok with me and on the other I stressed how me and hubby will cope as Mum is not like MIL and is obviously not coping like MIL did.

Secondly Mum has been nagging me the lat few weeks about getting a job. Nothing new but its obviously become her new focus again to worry about to block out her anxieties. Shes also 'mocking' me about my weight (or maybe I am taking what she says the wrong way as I am conscious of my size). I told her I was joining Slimming World and a friend had lent me the starter books and she said "oh yes reading a pile of books is going to help you lose weight!". She then asked who my frind was so I told her and reminded her I often talk about my friend but she seemed to have forgotten this and said so your friend is an older woman like me (well my friend is actualy 60 ish and Mum is 75) I felt like I was being judged for not having friends my age, which to me I dont notice.

Ok that aside my main issues are how can I keep going to visit Mum if I cant afford the £40 round trip train fair (me and hubby are seeking help for a Debt Releif Order as money has got so tight past year. Dad knew about it, brother knows the basics but I darent tell my Mum cos she wouldnt understand and it would worry her). Secondly if I was looking for a job how could I manage with interviews let alone a job itself if I had to keep going home? Thirdly what would Mum do if she came here and I worked? She said she wouldnt bring her car just herself on the train or coach (she cant exactly afford that often either).

Plus just cos we dont have kids they seem to expect me to drop everything and fo back home to live for spells. I have a life as well and then theres the 2 big dogs to look after (Mum and brother dont like them theyve made that obviously clear in the past).

I just feel my brother is a bit pushy with my poor mum and I am afraid to speak out. I also feel a bit bullied by him. I do feel awful I havent been home more often but we are so skint £40 goes a very long way, especialy lately since our Tax Cfredits have been reduced again.

I just wish Mum would come and live down here it would make life so much simpler and happier for me.

Its making me so stressed and depressed (I doubt anyone will actually understand and I will get the blame for being selfish and uncaring and shot down to pieces).

I cant cope any more. I often catch myself thinking what about me? When are they going too realise I have lost my Dad and I havent had time or chance to accept it and grieve.

Sorry this post is so long and I hope folks here do understand as I dont know where else to post without being judged as a bad bad daughter / person. After reading some of the posts on here mine seems so insignificant To quote losing patience "I just feel like the worlds against me right now, I can't take any more. We've had blow after blow and it's not fair, why do these things happen to good people. I can't cope, I don't know how to get through the day, I just want it all to end!"

Thank you

geminilady

[QUOTE=Crisp £ note;36112733

Sorry this is only a short reply but i did not want you to think nobody had read your post.I hope writing it made you feel a bit better sometimes just putting our thoughts down can help.I have a couple of ideas would your brother be willing to come and take you to stay at your mums and pick you up again or at least provide the train fare?he must know funds are short if you are not working.Also don't know if your mum owns her house or not but if so you could put to her the idea of selling it and getting something near you.If it is rented i think there are some transfer schemes available where people can transfer to another part of the country.

Crisp_£_note

geminilady wrote: »

[QUOTE=Crisp £ note;36112733

Sorry this is only a short reply but i did not want you to think nobody had read your post.I hope writing it made you feel a bit better sometimes just putting our thoughts down can help.I have a couple of ideas would your brother be willing to come and take you to stay at your mums and pick you up again or at least provide the train fare?he must know funds are short if you are not working.Also don't know if your mum owns her house or not but if so you could put to her the idea of selling it and getting something near you.If it is rented i think there are some transfer schemes available where people can transfer to another part of the country.

Hi and thanks for the reply. Mum owns her home. She lost one of her sisters (my auntie) just after losing my Dad (she also lost a brother in law in between my Dad and her sister!), and had contemplated selling her house to buy her sisters, which is next door to her other sister (one of the 2 remaining she goes to stay with at present). However after the past 4 months she has come to the conclusion (which she already knew really I think) that she cant afford her sisters old house (it needs a quite a few exterior repairs apparantly) and it would be bigger than the house she currently owns anyway, which she complains is far to big for her now anyway. It only recenty she made a final decision about this which is a bit of releif for me at least. My brother was quite frustrated and upset for sentimental reasons as he was for the early part of his life living in that house (we are 6 years apart in age), plus all he could think of was the investment and the fact we would both get more money when it was eventualy passed to us than if mum bought a smaller flat and had money to live on without having to fret too much in her later years! Even though I am hard up I dont think that way, whatever my mum wants that makes her happy so long as she can afford it comfortably. I will look after myself and dont expect anyone to pay my way even if I cant afford the train fare home regularly I will compensate another way (pay for the calls, help on the phone, provide her with a place to stay etc etc, it may be tough but she gave me a great life so time to turn the tables as much as I can).

She had put her house on the market about 2 months ago but nothing is selling and the estate agent was rubbish so my mum has recently taken it back off and decided to wait a year or until the market improves.

However today she was already speaking of putting it back on the market with a different agency again. There is often talk of moving to be near me but that idea is also often pushed to one side. I can understand of course I can, my mum might not want to come live down here (goodness knows there are often times I wish I lived near her but for reasons I just cant (hubby is a mothers boy himself and MIL is alone as hubbys brother lives 2 hrs away and has, by his own choice, little to do with any of us) so have to put up with it or divorse!)

I asked her when she wanted to come down to stay as she said she was going back to her sisters tomorrow for a while then she didnt know where to go next. Its clear she cannot cope with going back home now. She said she didnt know but when she knew she could come for a long time, thats all she said. I suggested she ask my brother to drive her down in her car and he catch the train to London (or back home) but she said that was impossible and all she had to say on that topic. I know my brother uses her car quite a lot as he doesnt have his own but he never replaces the petrol when he has used it which is very annoying for my mum as she says she cannot afford to keep paying for him to use it, she wouldnt mind if he returned it with the same amount he took it. Trouble is my brother has worked hard for the past 3 or more years but always on a promise to get paid and it never seems to get paid (he does work hard for a charity). Yet both me and mum often wonder how he can manage or where the money comes from for him to rent his flat and pay his ways etc (he says his laptop, mobile travel expenses etc are paid for by his work as expenses so in theory he pays and they reimburse him). When mum had a payout after my dad passed away it went into my brothers 'business account' and she ended up being almost £1,000 out of pocket as it cleared his overdraft, which was apparantly the money he owed his rent. This worried my mum very much and she went into a spin thinking she couldnt afford anything cos she had lost £1,000. However my brother has agreed to pay it back over 2 months, this and next I think in 2 installments. The remainder of the money has already been transferred into my mums bank account where its now very safe. I think she may have invested some of it in a bond as well.

He never seems to have any money and from my point of view he is either lyeing or scrounging his way through life!!!!

My brother couldnt afford to pay my trainfare by offer or by request (if I ask hubby to take me it costs just as much if not more as our only vehicle is a van) as much as my mum or I could. I have never past my driving test, but even if I did manage to learn to drive now I could never afford to get or keep a car on the road. Knowing all this I dont think either of them would be pleased to come and collect me. Mum says she will come down by trian or coach and bring very little as she knows she can fit into my clothes! She also says she will walk everywhere if needs to or catch the bus, but I had to explain I dont even catch the bus around here as it is so ludicrously expensive! So when mum does come to stay theres not a lot for her to do without a car. Hubbys van is only a 2 seater.

Whatever way I think about it it just seems impossible Theres things I do with my friends that my mum never agreed with so how do I get round that when / if she does come down? Nothing illegal just I am very into spiritualism, ghost hunting, paranormal, and mediumship stuff. I was (still am) brought up a methodist / christian and naturally my mum doesnt beleive in life beyond death. Once a week (sometimes twice) I go to a mediumship circle with my friends and I often go to a spiritualist church in the week evenings and also at weekends I often watch paranormal shows on tv (or go ghost busting myself). Its me, its my life. How am I going to get round it when mum comes to stay? At the moment I tell her that I go round my frinds house and we have a natter, or that I am off out somewhere with a friend and make up a story of where and what we did etc just because its simpler than upsetting mum (not just as Dad has passed away but its always been the way since she made it clear she objected to what I did a few years ago).
I know I am being stupid after all I am a grown woman for goodness sakes(almost 40)!!!!


I suspect when I call her tomorrow there will be a different mood, another changed decision etc etc. I have been to the drs in March (a month after dad passed away) and was put on a berevement counceling list, I was told there would be a long wait, but were almost 7 months now and I still havent heared anything.

Thanks again for listening sorry for the long posts

Miroslav

Finally, i've had my tooth out after 7 weeks of really bad pain. Went to an emergency dentist who was really nice and I didn't feel a thing and it took 20 minutes, inclusive of going in, explaining the situation, an examination, injections, extraction and clean up, this after my dentist who was due to do it the same day cancelled me - again! So I phoned dental helpline and said it had to be done as I wasn't going a night more in pain and i'd had no more than 5 hours sleep per night for 7 weeks, mainly 2 or 3 hours per night. Got an emergency appointment for 40 minutes later at a dental access centre.

Earlier than morning - 5.30am, I went to A&E as pain was so bad and was given some ibuprogen gel and some oromorph for the pain. For once someone listened to me.

So, I may be depressed, but I can start posting here again now i'm more focused.

I hope everyone is as well as can be and i'll try and visit regular.

shazrobo

miro, so glad you had the toothout,, to me toothache is the worse form of physical pain
(((hugs))) shaz xxx