Support for people with Depression

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Hello Friends,

You are fine, it's other people that need help......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd4tugPM83c

CB2X Glad you liked Installing a Husband..oh what a naughty lot you are!

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possley - Hi and a warm welcome....I'm sure our lovely thread gang will be round soon to give you support.

shaz - You know, in prison, we had a maxim:
"If a man hasn't had father's arms, he will need prison walls"

Your boys sound like they have strong personalities, and unsuprisingly one Shaz 'ain't big enough for the both of them' to be both mum and dad.
But I've great news for you Shaz; it's not too late to repair and mend. It's never too late for a substitute experience of having a father figure which will help put right the damage. Might there be someone who could be a 'father' to your boys, ahd help take some of the weight off your shoulders?

CC Star -You must be feeling exasperated being undermined and unsupported with regard to your "a$$&*%e" (quote) son's behaviour. You've been offered lots of advice about dealing with him.

May I pop on my 'family therapy' hat, and invite you to consider: what is the purpose of his bad behaviour? What is it aimed at achieving within the family as a whole? This sounds a very odd question; while not condoning your son's behaviour in any way, may I suggest there is always a rational reason for behaviour like this. When a family's issues as a whole are addressed and dealt with, then a child's (of any age) bad behaviour stops as there is no longer a need for it.

Sazzi - No wonder you feel exhausted, commuting all that way. it's like you have done a days work already just getting to work. Know how you feel: I used to drive 2 hours each way; madness! Good luck with your moving plans hun.

Take care everyone CB2X
'Despondex' of course, doesn't exist!

clipboard2

Many of you have asked about how to stop the intrusive bad thoughts that keep coming into your head when you suffer with depression.
May I share my experience as a Samaritan?

Many of you take AD's, or use 'mind control' techniques like CBT or NLP etc to try and stop bad thoughts. Nothing wrong with AD's or self help methods usually in themselves. But as you probably know, this only treats the symptoms of depression, and not the cause.

It's like a cancer patient taking morphine. The morphine kills the pain which is one of the symptoms of the cancer, but it doesn't kill the cancer itself.
And, you have to keep on taking AD's and/or practicing eg CBT day after day after day.

As a Samaritan, I've found that barely below the surface of every depressed person is an impotent rage. Rage against the person(s) that abused them as a child: sexually, physically, and/or emotionally; or just simply rage (sometimes traumatic memories are suppressed). Rage which affects every aspect of their life.

Being abused as a child is the common experience of people suffering depression. Only once (out of hundreds of calls) have I found this not to be true (that person suffered depession resulting from a serious head injury).

How then, to heal the cancer of depression?

The first step is to acknowledge, aceept and release the rage within you, channeling the energy into something for the good.

The second step is to let go of the feeling of bitterness and resentment towards your abuser. Easier said than done, I know. For some Samaritan callers, the murder or painful torture/death of their abuser is the only thing they feel will bring closure and relief to them.

Forgiveness is an ongoing process, and many callers tell me they are unable to forgive. But there is no other way, in my experience, to cure depression. Let go. Forgive your abuser for the pain and damage they did to you. Then, you will find that your heart and mind are set free to start to heal themselves.

Hugs to all who need them. Am on holiday -yay!- now back end August.
CB2X

Lita_Ford

clipboard2 wrote: »

Many of you have asked about how to stop the intrusive bad thoughts that keep coming into your head when you suffer with depression.
May I share my experience as a Samaritan?

Many of you take AD's, or use 'mind control' techniques like CBT or NLP etc to try and stop bad thoughts. Nothing wrong with AD's or self help methods usually in themselves. But as you probably know, this only treats the symptoms of depression, and not the cause.

What is the difference between CBT and NLP?

Sazbo

possley wrote: »

Hi all.
I’ve been lurking for a while but this is the first time I’ve posted. I have suffered from depression for about 7 years, although did not visit the Dr until last Oct. I know medication can’t be mentioned so I hope its ok for me to say I was given x. I thought it was working for about a month but realised I had not really improved at all. In Jan she gave me y – tried it for a while but also no improvement and at times worse than I had been for ages. During this time I was also getting run down and found I had anaemia, so I think that made things worse. I stopped taking y at the end of May. Was reluctant to try anything else after not improving. Dr wanted to refer me to a CPN – but also not really sure, because not a risk to myself, anyone else and still can do things myself. I did try counselling but counsellor was through uni and she was about to go on holiday so we agreed wouldn’t have enough sessions to be worthwhile before I left uni. I don’t think its for me as I find it very difficult to open up.
I felt a bit better for a while – June, July, still bad days but not consistently, but now I’m really quite low again. Crying a lot, sleeping a lot, feeling pretty weak and alone. I get up late as I find it hard to get to sleep at night. I am also trying to do my final project at uni which is due in the middle of Sept so feeling stressed and worried about that and can’t seem to motivate myself, if I am honest I can’t see myself getting to the end and handing in anything decent. (I also have a tendency for perfectionism).
At the moment I am living at home, on the surface I get on ok with my Mum, but she can be quite critical of what I do and is short tempered. I think she is disappointed I am not ‘making more’ of myself which I can understand. When I was very very down last summer she made things a lot worse with comments like ‘pull yourself together’ ‘stop being lazy’ etc, which just set me off into floods of tears etc. I don’t have the money etc to move out as I am a student, and no one to live with anyway. My parents have been really good to me and I have always had everything I wanted.
I don’t really have a lot of friends, a few know (4) about my depression, two of them I don’t know that well, they always ask how I am, but normally we meet somewhere busy (which I don’t like) so not a place to talk and I don’t think I would anyway. I had a really really good friend who was so supportive at the start of last summer but have barely spoken to since Feb cos whereas he used to phone every couple of weeks and text all the time he just stopped replying to my messages, and then another who is so lovely but she has stuff going on in her life and I feel quite guilty cos she is the only person who I talk to. I don’t go out that much, I’m occasionally at uni but mostly at home ‘trying’ to work.
I’m thinking of going back to the dr but I don’t know what to ask her to do. I feel silly that I take up so much of her time and there are people much worse off than me. I just wondered if anyone had any advice at all?
Thanks xx

Hi possley - welcome to MSE and to this thread :hello: and thank you for posting - the first one is always the hardest:) As you say, we can't discuss meds in detail but yes please go back and see your doctor hun. Don't feel guilty about this - you are just as entitled to see a doctor as anyone else. All you need to say is that you need help, that you feel you need to try a different approach perhaps - it is their job to help you xx Everything does feel so overwhelming in the midst of depression, so just try and take things a day at a time, and good luck hun. Let us know how you get on - you can post here as little or as much as you need.

Take care,
Sazzy x

boo666

what a great thread..

here i go..
i was sexually abused from the age of around 6 until 15, by my mums boyfriend. while it was going on she could never understand why i would spend days away in my room, from home or drink a bottle of vodka for as she thought the fun of it..
i was always down and never had any motivation so i knew there was something not right with my head but everytime i went to the doctors i never had the guts to say what was going on at home, even when i overdosed at 15 and got to took to hospital i never said anything about what was going on.
from around 14 i got into one bad relationship after another {anything was better than what was going on at home, well that is what i thought} and my head and mood just got worse.
i moved away from home but it was still there, every relastionship failed because i would not let anyone close, to even get into bed with someone i had to be drunk or off my head with some sort of drug, but yet everytime i went to the doctors i could never bring myself to ask for help.
since i was 11 i have smoked, drunk, taken every street drug appart from herion, abused prescription drugs, tried to kill myself 3 times and even been to prison twice.
when i came out of prison in 2004 i fell pregnant, got married and got my life on track {stopped all crime/drugs} but still could not sleep with my husband unless i was drunk, and still did not seek any help so that was another relationship over with.
i have only now at 30 years old got the guts up to go to the doctors who have given my the diagnosis's of anxiety, deppression, agrophobia and a addictive personality disorder {alcohol} and it is a huge wait off of my mind, i know the medication will only help a little but it has already made me fell positive knowing there is help.
if anyone feels they should go to the doctor but dont know what to say then i would say write your feelings down first then take that along with you and the doctor will get a good idea from that.

Sazbo

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story, boo666 and good advice too, re: writing things down for the doc. Following on from what you and CB2 have said - I am fortunate in that I never suffered abuse. But even so, I can fully identify with what CB2 said about the need to release the pain that gets bottled up, for whatever reason. I know I've said this before, but counselling was a godsend to me - it was the first time anyone ever said to me, "It's ok for you to feel the way you are feeling. And here is a safe space - your space - in which you can talk about how you feel, when you're ready.." That's when the healing process started for me. It's not a quick fix but then depression doesn't happen overnight either. It takes time.

Sazzy x

Sazbo

clipboard2 wrote: »

Hi Sazzi
Until very recently, I thought you lived in the Lake District....near a tarn (small lake) called Larnden... honestly! Silly CB2

You're right (post 65 - 2 March - soz quote thing doesnt work) about needing to be ready and in the right place at the right time before a person decides to get the help they need for their mental health problems.

What do you feel it was that gave you the courage to pick up the phone?

What would you say to others who might be feeling now as you did then?

Have a nice day in Larnden CB2X

Hi again CB2 - and now to try and answer the question you asked me a while go (see above). I have lived with depression all my life, to a greater or lesser extent. But in 2006 I came to the end of my rope. My world had been progressively shrinking; it felt like depression was painting me into a corner. I was still holding down a job, but by the slimmest of margins. After years and years of struggle I just wanted to give up.

As you can see from my avvy, I joined MSE in March of that year. Six months later I posted on this thread for the first time. I wasn't looking for "help" or "answers" by doing so - it just felt like a safe haven, there were people posting here who felt the same way I was feeling. It was a place to come and just be myself, without fear of judgement. I didnt want to take meds if I could avoid it - but that was my personal choice, largely because thank god my depression wasnt that severe; I have nothing against ADs per se, or people who take them xx

It was by talking on here that I found the courage to seek help. The posters here, who have become lifelong friends, encouraged me and gave me the strength I needed to pick up that phone. It was the best thing I ever did - I am absolutely conviced that I would not be here now otherwise. So I owe this thread my life and I make no apologies for what might sound like me being overly dramatic. I am not.

What sometimes gets overlooked by well-meaning people is that everyone has to find their own way through depression. You have to feel ready and be in the right place - as I must have done (although it may not have felt like it at the time) to finally make that call. There is often a tendency to over-simplifiy mental-health issues and the solutions. I know I've made this observation on here before, but it's like, "If only you ate this diet, or thought that way, or took the other supplement, you'd be cured!". In my own experience of this at times life-crushing condition, it's just not that simple. If only it were. BUT, to everyone reading this I want to say - it can and it DOES get better. So please hang in there and never give up the fight. I am the living proof! xxxx

And as for thinking I lived in the Lake District - all I can say is, I wish I did, lol! And I'm not actually living in 'Larnden Tarn' anymore either, so maybe I should really change that :rotfl: Have a good holiday, CB2.

Ok enough rambling from me!:o Have a good day everyone :wave:

Much love to all,

Sazzy xxxxxxxxxx

newlywed

Sazbo wrote: »

What sometimes gets overlooked by well-meaning people is that everyone has to find their own way through depression. You have to feel ready and be in the right place - as I must have done (although it may not have felt like it at the time) to finally make that call. There is often a tendency to over-simplifiy mental-health issues and the solutions. I know I've made this observation on here before, but it's like, "If only you ate this diet, or thought that way, or took the other supplement, you'd be cured!". In my own experience of this at times life-crushing condition, it's just not that simple. If only it were. BUT, to everyone reading this I want to say - it can and it DOES get better. So please hang in there and never give up the fight. I am the living proof!

I have waited for over 2 years for my OH to be in the "right place". I kept suggesting depression to him from time to time. He has finally admitted it to himself and made a dr appointment. Like you, he doesn't want to take any drugs. I'm hoping he gets a good dr who can suggest other ways to help. I know some of the things he says and does isn't really him, isn't really who he is and I'm finding it hard to know what else to do to help him (although flaxseed added to his healthy diet has reduced his shouting).

I think he does have anger inside him and he needs to let it out and let it go, but his ex caused him such problems (and still tries to from time to time) I'm not sure he'd ever really forgive and let go - even though he'd never ever think about wanting to go anywhere near her!

Sazbo

Hi newlywed. It took me a very long time, but I just wasn't ready before then and that's the honest truth. I know that's of zero comfort to you, but at least your OH has taken the first step on the road to getting better. That to me was the hardest part of all and he's acheived that. The only way I can explain it is that anger does really kind of "own you" for a while and talking about it in a safe place is the start of being able to - not erase it - but of it not owning you anymore, or not having power over you any more. Then it will stop contolling your life and you can start to move on. If that makes any sense? Just my thoughts, hun.

Sazzy x