Does anyone else feel this way or am I just strange?

Silaqui

Oh Fernliebee, I get that you can't relate - I would never intentionally bring a child into the world feeling about them the way I do now! I think probably the trick would be, like you say, when the positive feelings outweigh the negatives I'll probably be ready!

GemmaB78

I totally understand. I decided from a very young age (about 15!) that I didn't want children. People said 'you'll change your mind'. I'm 31 now, and I am sure more than ever that I don't want children. My OH feels the same way, and we are more than content just the two of us, my horse, our 2 cats and dogs!!! It's not that we don't like kids - between us, we have 9 (soon to be 10) nieces, nephews and friend's children, who we LOVE, but being parents just isn't for us.

You are young, and you may change your mind. Or you may not. Whatever happens, it is YOUR decision, and don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for deciding what is right for YOU.

searching_me

originally posted by silaqui
I just wish you could give birth to something that wasn't quite so useless as a baby! Like a giraffe or something, they are fully functional from a few hours ofter the birth, that'd suit me!

your not strange but with a comment like this you'll never be ready... saying that though i never wanted kids but then i found out that i was pregnant with my first child and for some reason i was ready like a calm came over me and i knew i wanted to be a mother... if your ready your ready if your not your not dont look to other people you've chose already so enjoy your life and if you change your mind well then thats great to ... only you can decide ... im glad i changed could imagine life without my little girl x

LeeSouthEast

I'd like kids someday, but I'm 25 and still feel that's far too young for it. You're not alone!

libbyc3

I completley sympathise with you on the baby front - if your weird then i'm weirder!
I hated every second of being pregnant, felt trapped and frustrated all the way through breastfeeding, and found the first 2 years of each of my children's lives utterly mind numbing.
anyone want to enter me for mother of the year based on that!?!
however, I always knew i wanted a large family, love having kids around - the more the merrier - and pregnancy and babies was a necessary evil to achieve that aim.
Having 4 kids of my own people always assume i must like babies - they do nothing for me at all - i don't feel even slightly maternal at the sight of a newborn.
as i always say - they are no fun til you can have a good row with them!!

fernliebee

Silaqui wrote: »

Oh Fernliebee, I get that you can't relate - I would never intentionally bring a child into the world feeling about them the way I do now! I think probably the trick would be, like you say, when the positive feelings outweigh the negatives I'll probably be ready!

Wasn't suggesting you were wierd btw! I think it's more me, I am the extreme opposite of what you are describing, since I was very young I used to wonder how it would feel to be pregnant, I really wanted a baby. Not very pc nowadays, women are supposed to have more 'ambition' than 'just' being a mother. :rolleyes: Even my choice of career was made as it would fit well around a family. I was very broody from about 18 (me and my now husband met when we were 16) but my logical brain meant we waited until we were 25, as I was at uni, getting a house sorted etc....I have always worked with children of different ages too.

I agree with others that if the time is right you will know, some friends who never wanted children now have them, and I also know a few who have never had children and now are too old- no regrets!

You are most definitely not strange for feeling that way, we are all different, and only you and OH can decide what suits you. You may or may not feel differently at some point, but only you will know.

purplebutterfly

Until the age of 24, I'd always assumed I'd have kids. I love the thought of being pregnant and babies make me so broody.............BUT I could not bear to have a child over the age of 2 around me all the time.

It hit me quite hard when I realised that I just do not want to give my life up for somebody else. A lot of people have assumed that it is because of my illness that I don't want kids - because I won't have the energy to take care of them.

The truth is, I'm just selfish and happy being me.

I'm 29, got married to the man of my dreams last November and we have a perfect life. Yes, perfect. We have no money, struggle every day with health problems and yet I am the happiest I have ever been. I don't want to share him with a child - and I don't want to stop being ME by turning into a mum.

When friends come to stay with their kids, they don't get a minute to themselves. The day is organised according to what the kids want - so that means the adults have to get up when the kids do, eat when the kids are hungry and constantly entertain them. I am far too selfish for that.

Also, every time I get on a bus full of schoolchildren who are shouting, swearing, being abusive to adults and refusing to give up seats to elderly people - it makes me determined not to have my own kids. If I EVER found out my child was acting that way, I don't know what I'd do to them.

Same with groups of kids hanging around the local Nisa being intimidating and shouting vile comments at anyone passing. And I live in a nice area!

I am of the firm belief that once you have a child, they are your responsibilty forever. You should be there for them emotionally, financially and physically for the rest of your life. That isn't for me.

My husband thinks the same as me - we will dedicate ourselves to rescuing animals and caring for them, not children. We are both fulfilled with life, fulfilled with who we are as people and don't need anything else to complete our relationship.

There isn't a right or wrong way to live your life. If you choose to have kids, wonderful. If you choose not to, that's wonderful too.

Try not to worry about it and accept your life a day at a time. I would much rather hit the age of 50 and regret NOT having had kids, than hit the age of 50 and regret HAVING them.

3plus1

You're not the only one, OP!

I'm your age, I have a good job, I have an OH who I intend to spend the rest of my life with... and I don't feel the slightest desire to have a baby. Most other women seem to coo over anything in a pram - I don't.

My sister has two children now - one is a baby, the other is a toddler. I don't feel any emotional attachment to them. I'm sure that sounds horrible, but I live hundreds of miles away and have only seen the younger one in person once. I don't automatically love them because they're children and blood relatives - and I don't know how I'll ever build a relationship with them. I just don't know what to do with children. I've taught young children before and been good at it, but outside of the classroom, when there's not a specific thing I need to do, I just don't know how to act around kids.

I see all the negatives of being pregnant, giving birth and raising a child. I'm fairly sure all mothers, or would-be mothers see those too... but see past them. I don't. To be honest, I don't think I ever will.

When we were little, my sister wanted to have babies and I wanted to be successful and get a good job. Now we're in our 20s and 30s, nothing has changed. She loves being a SAHM and I'm carving out a good career for myself. It makes me wonder if some women just aren't born with a maternal instinct?

money_maker_3

I have a DD of 6 and am expecting another in June, and I am a couple of years older than you. HOWEVER I never wanted a family, when I found out I was pregnant at 20 I just cried for ages, after about 4 weeks I actually started to look forward to being a mum, but suffered from PND after she was born, so it has taken me 6 years to try again, I love my daughter and am looking forward to this one, but I have no maternal or hormonal tendencies to other peoples kids, I just dont have the time for them.
If you decide to have kids later in life or if you get pregnant by accident, your attitude may change, BUT do not think you are weird at the minute, some people just are not meant to be mums !!!

mrcow

Silaqui wrote: »

My strange ideas are all based on what I have got from my own experience, other people, and just general stuff - nothing I have ever heard has ever made me think 'ah it'd be lovely to be pregnant/have a baby'.

It just reads like you've taken some very small (and mostly insignificant) things to do with having babies and have stuck them all together to come up with reasons why you think you'll never want them.

The stuff you've listed, like talc, nappies, milk, breast feeding, not drinking etc are such a small part of it.

I don't think you're right or ready to have a baby either by the sounds of it. I wouldn't worry if your friends are doing it.......different strokes and all that. Some people are made up to be parents and some aren't. There is no right answer - just what's right for you.