Single and in Debt Part II

PinkTwirl

Maybe treats budgets would be better. I have a hard time with this (evidently). If I don't spend money on chocolate/alcohol/clothes/jewellery I'm ok but the minute I do, it opens the floodgates.

If anyone has any tips on setting budgets and sticking to them I'd love to hear them.

RosaBernicia

I am another one guilty of thinking I can live like a hermit and failing. It gets to be a vicious circle. But the last few weeks somehow something has clicked (after lots of overthinking previously) and I have somehow managed to be a lot more chilled. Quite frankly, I can't believe how horrible I used to be to myself. Most of my debt comes from living in London on a lower salary than I could have got and paying for courses of one kind or another because I always thought that would be the thing to change my life... and if I didn't do it I'd be stuck... and things would get worse and it would all be my own lazy fault... etc. Which is just mad really, life is too short for that kind of nonsense. Yes, I need to feel I'm developing, but it needs to be balanced with actually having a life. Fixating on the debt being a bad thing I've done and must be got rid of asap is just another version of finding something to beat myself up for.

So I am going to work on the other side of the problem and make sure I make the most of all the good little things in life. I don't mean expensive clothes or holidays or houses - just making sure that I take time for coffee with workmates, to wander round and chat with the neighbours, to call my friends and my gran. I mean, in a years time am I or anyone else going to remember what brand name my jeans were or what mark I got for my essay? No. But we might remember that I helped them move or a day out in town or that I sent them a card or little gift when they were down - all things that have been missed when I've thought I was too skint or too busy. And I can find enough flexibility in the budget to do all these things and still pay off my debts in reasonable time. I think we forget when we do the hermit thing that it punishes other people too, and that fixing the budget in the short time can damage relationships and our confidence in the long term. Yes, I need to get rid of the debt for all the positive things that will bring me, but without unnecessary guilt.

So OK I have debts to pay off. It's hardly the the worst thing I could have to deal with, it's easily fixable and I'm not going to make anybody suffer unnecessarily in the process - not me, and not those around me.

Ooh that went even more rambling than I expected - sorry!

Rosa xx

RosaBernicia

Shoe_Gal wrote: »

Treats budgets :j:jI love this idea and am definately going to have one.

I don't have a treats budget as such, but my £2 piggy has become my 'reward' pot. When I've done something particularly scary or horrible (exam, high level work meeting, smear test, etc) I get to spend whatever's in the piggy.

So far the really scary things have been far enough apart that there's £20+ in there, but I usually haven't spent it all anyway. Somehow the process of deciding what to spend extra special money on has meant I ended up with a book or chocolate, and kept the rest for the next scary thing in case I need more therapy then!

Rosa xx

eco

Hiya,
Rosa those compeed blister plasters are fantastic, and they were a £1 off in boots.
Had a good weekend went out with the lads from work on Fridy didn't stay late but had a laugh, then one of my old school chums texted on Saturday to ask if I had any plans for Saturday and as I didn't we went to the flicks and watched Angels and Demons been Catholics he was singing along to Ave Maria, we came back to town and stayed at our local for a lock in and caught up with some more friends, had a bit of an headache his morning, and got invited to a ex's birthday next Saturday which I have to go to cos I look a damn sight more cheerful than he does these days, haha.
Did some gardening today and went to my sis for a bbq.
Everyone seems to have had a busy weekend too, I love it when it's sunny cos everything that's cheap to do like picnics and walking are possible, I'll be back later off to look at some clothes on the net for next Saturday.

Yargo1

Hi all, been catching up with all the goings on today while sat at job 2. (12-8) today - 11-7 yesterday ! But need the money!! so....

still with my man...4 months...bit of a record for me! he is lovely but lives an hour n half away so only see each other once a week. and i work every other weekend!

debt busting pants really....been in the circle of too many treats...then get down about what i spent!

going to catch up with friend when leave here at 8pm, she needs some tlc as split from her chappy. she is lovely gal so will try to cheer her up

will try to get back in habit of posting... my carpy internet dont help at home though! grrrr!

glad u all ok though xx

sarahb123_3

Have just been to the shop and bought some wine and chocolate, then reread the last page and remembered the treat budget, so I have spent £4.89 and have £95.11 left. Hmmm. Better not do that too often or it will be gone soon enough. Hopefully one day I can maintain treats budget for a while with ebay money:D

Anyway, not much debt free stuff today:

• coins in piggy
• 2x £2 coin in pot
• store cupboard meals

total spend today excluding treats was £3 as bought some salmon on special offer. I did buy a lot of chocolate the other day as it was on offer when I was shopping, 5 cadburys bars for £1, so got a few packs as it works out at 20p per bar and I can take them to work with me to avoid the snack machine where they are 50p each. Luckily that was in May so not out of the treats budget:D

Food was lots of coffee, tea and squash, bacon on toast, fishcakes, potato, baked beans, banana, satsuma and yoghurt.

sarahb123_3

RosaBernicia wrote: »

So I am going to work on the other side of the problem and make sure I make the most of all the good little things in life. I don't mean expensive clothes or holidays or houses - just making sure that I take time for coffee with workmates, to wander round and chat with the neighbours, to call my friends and my gran. I mean, in a years time am I or anyone else going to remember what brand name my jeans were or what mark I got for my essay? No. But we might remember that I helped them move or a day out in town or that I sent them a card or little gift when they were down - all things that have been missed when I've thought I was too skint or too busy.

Good idea, I am determined at the moment to find lots of cheap or free treats and ways to spend my time, need to get rid of the compulsion to spend or the thought that I am missing out.

I could really go for a couple of weeks without actually spending anything as I have enough food, toiletries, cleaning stuff and petrol to last me, I have tv, laptop, radio, books (but not ipod grrrrrrr) to provide free entertainment. I don't need anything.

This is how I get into the living like a hermit thing, I think I can manage but I can't. But I am not sure why. If I could do it those debts would be gone! I do know why actually, it is the feeling of being deprived with nothing to look forward to for ages.

Hmmm. I am going to post my spending everyday on here though, at least it will help me pinpoint spending triggers and where I can cut back. I think I find it easier to make more money though, rather than spend less. Am hoping the June £10 a day challenge will spur me on this month.

Shoe_Gal

sarahb123 wrote: »

I could really go for a couple of weeks without actually spending anything as I have enough food, toiletries, cleaning stuff and petrol to last me, I have tv, laptop, radio, books (but not ipod grrrrrrr) to provide free entertainment. I don't need anything.

Sarah, I think you are missing the point here! There is no human contact and no FUN in this plan :eek: Surely the idea is to make debt busting part of life, not life itself?

I really think a little more fun and taking a little longer to pay off debts is the way to go

sarahb123_3

Am most annoyed now, I have just checked quidco and all the things that had validated and were supposed to pay out in May have not been paid. I have been waiting since December for some of it and they keep changing the month they are going to pay, but now it still says May and they have not paid it.

I should have had around £75 paid this month and although I did expect to miss the deadline for it actually being sent to my bank, I thought I would get it for June. I have £125 validated in all, I just hope it comes this month. I have only had £44 actually pay out this year so far.

makeup

Hi All

There's been lots to read up on here are a few comments:

Car names - when I didn't live in London I had a car - a Fiat Panda called Donatella. I have a bike now but I haven't named it.....although I do often say 'come on lady' when I'm going up hills super slow...not sure if that is to me or the bike?!!!

TDQO - sounds like a fab party - good luck with the new potential girl! Remember to keep us posted.

Sarah - spontaneous evenings out - I went to the BBQ and I was hoping that a friend of my friends husband was going to be there, I'd met him at their wedding and he was quite cute. He was there, he is still cute, he now has a girlfriend.....

I totally recommend going out to the party. I find it lifts me up a bit to get out of the house and go out. Maybe you won't met Mr Wonderful but you might meet Mr Cute and Flirty which might be fun for the evening. At the very least you get to feel like you have a life!!!

Rosa - I agree 100% with you - I was quite similar in a way, I was trying to pursue a freelance career and it wasn't going well and I was very harsh to myself and I had very little cash and I felt very down about it all. It is important to give yourself a break sometimes. No one is a 'perfect' person and although we all know this, we still give ourselves a hard time when we aren't perfect!!

I had a fun Saturday night. I went out with a friend - she invited me on a girls night out and it turned out it was her birthday. We went to a really glam restaurant in town and it was lovely - very SATC. I was wearing my nice gold shoes and purple dress that I like wearing and had set my hair in rollers so was glad had made the effort.

We had dinner and cocktails and then went to onto another bar for dancing. We had a great time and I really enjoyed all the dancing - haven't been out dancing in ages! My friend whose birthday it was, got tons of male attention. She attributed it to the red halter neck she was wearing. I don't know if that is true but she definitely stood out amongst all the girls wearing black, so maybe that is a tip worth trying?!!!

I've started reading my food addiction book and it seems like it could be the one for me as the list of 'indicators' seems to fit with me...I'll report back further once I've got on a bit more.