Single and in Debt Part II

Hollyberry

gwen80 wrote: »

You're right, HollyBerry. I've known for a while that I come with a lot of baggage, more than a lot of people my age anyway. Not kids or previous marriages, but other stuff. Poor health in the family, a family who need me to be there for them and who rely on me. He was 5 years older than me, was going through a divorce and has a child. I had thought that maybe being a bit older and having his own 'baggage' if you like, he might understand a bit more, but I think he was really looking for somebody with a simple and straightforward life. I feel like I shouldn't be surprised though because it seems most blokes I meet just want somebody with no complications. I had been reading Taye's thread regularly on the 'relationships/marriages' or whatever you call it board. It struck a chord with me (and a lot of other people it seems), not because I have had the same experiences as her, but because I too was looking for somebody to accept me with my problems. To see me as being worthwhile despite these things. Worth the time and effort to work them out.

I know I need somebody who accepts me and the baggage I come with and to be honest, I really want somebody who adores me. I've realised that. I don't want somebody who worships the ground I walk on, but somebody who loves all my good/great qualities so much that my faults fade into insignificance and or me to feel the same way about them. I guess that wasn't him, although I had started to like him a lot, probably more than I'd even admitted to myself.

Gwenx

I think someone should see you as being wonderful because of those things. Because you are committed to your family, and to taking good care of them.

sarahb123_3

Hollyberry wrote: »

I think someone should see you as being wonderful because of those things. Because you are committed to your family, and to taking good care of them.

Gwen, Hollyberry is so right, these are positive things and you shouldn't have to hide them or play them down, they are some of the things that make you the totally fabby you.

RosaBernicia

I second Buffy's idea - can you plan something good, even if it's just a treat for yourself? A mooch round a gallery, all afternoon reading in a coffee shop, a girlie night at a friend's? Doesn't have to be expensive.

Hollyberry is indeed very wise and the person who really gets you will be there to help carry your baggage.

Sending you more hugs and virtual chocolate

Rosa xx

sarahb123_3

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

whats for you won't go past you.

I always, always try to tell myself this Buffy. But I do get worried about what is for me, what if it's spinsterhood. _pale_

sarahb123_3

gwen80 wrote: »

Oh well, I won't be needing fancy underwear any time soon, so that should save me some money.

You never know when you might need fancy underwear, I have many pairs in waiting.;)

I need to work hard on my finances and take up some hobbies, see what fit men I can meet there. I will be ok, I just needed to mope for a bit. Thanks for all the hugs, advice and virtual pampering - it is very much appreciated.

Gwenx

That's more like it. You need to do some real life pampering to go with the virtual stuff, tomorrow can you try to wear one thing that makes you feel fab? I tend to go for shoes, it does give you a boost to feel you look nice.

gwen80

I know you're right. The right person will not see these issues as baggage and will be there for me. That's what my best friend keeps trying to tell me.

I think he had too much stuff to be able to deal with anything of anybody else's though at the moment and I don't think he really gave us a chance. I really don't think he knew me very well at all, because I didn't give very much away. If he'd delved a bit deeper, who knows? Oh well, his loss...

I will wear something fab tomorrow, not sure what yet, but I will find something. You sound like my friend, she had a nightmare viva last week and hit Mango and Zara and spent over 150 quid. Her justification - I might be single, but I look hot!! Lol! I'll try and sort something out as a little (cheap) treat. I might go horse riding again or the cinema or even just watching a DVD would be a treat for me, because I never watch them.

Gwenx

Paulgonnabedebtfree

gwen80 wrote: »

......... However, I've been having a bit of a think and if I'm honest, I didn't feel like I could be myself with him....

For me, that bit is the key to it. If you can't be yourself with someone, the whole thing is hard work anyway. Relationships can be hard to work at without having to act on top of that. I've done it in the past myself. I won't do it now no matter how much I feel that I want someone because there's no point to it IMO.
Mind you, I've been single for quite a while and am comfortable with it. If someone does come along who I feel OK with then great but if not, I'm still going to have the happiest life I can.

eco

Gwen I'm really sorry to hear about your relationship, but it's friends that get you through these things, and doing fabby things like everyone suggests, and it is his loss, just keep yourself busy.

eco

makeup I've PM'd you for your fennel rissotto recipe hope that's ok.

gwen80

Hello

How is everybody? Sorry for taking over the thread with my lovelife woes yesterday. Feel quite a bit better today. I didn't wear anything fab, but I had one of those bizarre 'good-hair' days that hardly ever happens, so I felt pretty good anyway. Good day at work and my feeling today is - s0d him! It helps that I got myself back on the tinternet dating last night and a guy I've been emailing on and off, got in touch again. Plenty more fish and all that...

On with the moneysaving. Not had too good a day on that front. Got myself 2 coffee's at work and big slab of chocolate cake (I was still eating my way through my sorrows at that point). I'm going to check my internet banking and do some clicking in a bit though.

TDQ - How's it going with that girl?

Gwenx