Self Harm

nifty

Wow, I am suprised how many on here are affected by this. I have avoided coming on here all day because I regretted posting, I just felt embaressed as this is something I don't usually admit to doing.
I have been sh'ing for 20odd years now (gosh that makes me feel old!) and sometimes I feel like it takes over my life. I feel so guilty because it affects family life so much, which just makes the sh'ing worse.
I understand why I do it, it's just so difficult to stop it completely. I've seen doctors who to be honest haven't been any use, but am now seeeing a councilor who I feel am making good progress with. Hopefully if I keep fighting it I can eventually cope without it. I feel for everyone who has replied here and if anyone needs any support just give me a shout...we are all in the same boat after all!

Cxx

BlueAngelCV

Just wanted to offer my support and say that I have SH in the past and occasionally still do. Nothing serious (physically speaking) just scratching my arms with a pen knife but I understand there the need comes from and wish you all the best.

BungleGirl

Oh wow - I've got goose bumps reading this!

I started self harming about six years ago when I started a relationship with my now husband. His wife had left him a year or two before but she treated me like the scum of the earth and called me every name under the sun, physically attacked me in front of my then three year old daughter, made silent and/or threatening calls to my home etc.

My now husband never stood up to her and in doing so I feel gave her permission to treat me like that. When eventually I flipped and smashed up an expensive mirror that she wanted back my now husband went mad at me. The whole feeling of him never standing up for me or defending me is still a big issue in fact we had an argument about it last night!

I used to get so enraged and no matter how clearly I told him how it was making me feel he never once defended me. I think that extreme frustration is the best way that I can describe the physical feeling that usually led to self harming. I used to scratch myself with certain objects so that I didn't cut the skin but kind of grazed it badly and I would have huge scabs. I did it always in the same place on my body, always with one of two specific objects. The only person that knows is my husband and I did it for about three years before he found out.

I think that I self harmed because I would blame myself for being upset about what was going on, that I should be a better person and just accept it, that I must be so selfish to expect him to defend me...it actually makes me want to cry thinking about how I could possibly have thought that it was acceptable for me to be treated in that way.

I stopped self harming when I realised that his ex-wife was the bad person - not me - and that why on earth should I hurt myself because of her! I still harbour a lot of resentment about how I was treated by them both and ocassionaly, when we argue I will hide away and hold the objects that I used to use to hurt myself with but I always manage to alk myself out of actually using them.

I haven't hurt myself for about three years now - so I guess I was doing it for about three years all in. Although I don't do it anymore the thought is still there when I experience that feel so much frustration that I feel I might explode.

That was a bit of a ramble...however, I feel quite good having said it all. It really is one of those things that you just bottle up inside of you.

MummyMoo

Yep, Im a self harmer - have been for 13 years. Im a highly intellegent person (got a first on my degree despite having a very unplanned pregnancy and losing my best friend of eleven years to suicide) so I'm quite good at the psychology of how messed up I am - lol! Over the last 5 years I've really come to understand the ins and outs of why I cut, how to stop myself, what it is about the action etc.

What strikes me the most about it is that people see it as the most extreme and stupid thing you can do to yourself - its not.. its a compromise. I do it to stop myself from doing anything worse. The pictures and details I get in my head are awful but people cant comprehend what it feels like because the majority of them will thankfully never get to that place in their heads.

Im not sure that I agree with other alternatives to cutting (such as the ice cube and elastic band methods) becasue its still self harming regardless, so how can it be better? (I HAVE tried so many alternative btw).

I dont think I'll ever stop being this way. Too much has happened in my past to erase or come to terms with. I cant just forget or reason with the stuff thats happened so I dont think I can get closure on it.

Sorry if Im not making sense, I've taken my nightime medication and my brain's slurring! lol!

If anyone needs to talk, please feel free to contact me. Plus the website 'recover my life' is amazing (some attention seeking teenagers but A LOT of genuine people).

tiamai_d

I'm not a self-harmer, but do have a question.

Trying to understand a person I know in RL who does SH.

This person 'flaunts' his SH. He will sit and pick at his scabs/scars/cuts openly, to draw you attention to it (and sitting at lunch this is pretty bloody disgusting). Now, they have a psychologist so it's not a plea for help. They also have friends who SH openly, by this I mean cut themselves in the middle of town centres, busy public places etc. And they all have psychologists, are on medication and probably get more help than most. Oh yes, they are also dfrug users.

I always thought that part of SH was that it was your secret and that most people were ashamed of what they were doing, so why flaunt it? I can't bring myself to feel any sympathy for this person at all simply because he seems to be so pleased at what he is doing

Can anyone shed any light on this?

UKTigerlily

MummyMoo wrote: »

Yep, Im a self harmer - have been for 13 years. Im a highly intellegent person (got a first on my degree despite having a very unplanned pregnancy and losing my best friend of eleven years to suicide) so I'm quite good at the psychology of how messed up I am - lol! Over the last 5 years I've really come to understand the ins and outs of why I cut, how to stop myself, what it is about the action etc.

What strikes me the most about it is that people see it as the most extreme and stupid thing you can do to yourself - its not.. its a compromise. I do it to stop myself from doing anything worse. The pictures and details I get in my head are awful but people cant comprehend what it feels like because the majority of them will thankfully never get to that place in their heads.

Im not sure that I agree with other alternatives to cutting (such as the ice cube and elastic band methods) becasue its still self harming regardless, so how can it be better? (I HAVE tried so many alternative btw).

I dont think I'll ever stop being this way. Too much has happened in my past to erase or come to terms with. I cant just forget or reason with the stuff thats happened so I dont think I can get closure on it.

Sorry if Im not making sense, I've taken my nightime medication and my brain's slurring! lol!

If anyone needs to talk, please feel free to contact me. Plus the website 'recover my life' is amazing (some attention seeking teenagers but A LOT of genuine people).

Because with an elastic band you only feel pain, an ice cube pain & burns, but cutting or worse can cause infections & need stitches so I guess it's safer to use a band & not cause any major damage, otherwise idk

roxalana

tiamai - i think when you SH you are attracted to people who are the 'same' as you as you can feel they are the only ones that understand but it can give you a distorted view of the real world and what behaviours people are comfortable seeing.

Because you feel you aren't normal it can be difficult to know what is or isn't ok and some things are just habit. Also, I think most people who have a normal cut that scabs find it hard to stop touching it!

For all those still suffering, there are professionals out there that are sympathetic (although it can be a struggle finding them and getting access to them).

I used to think that medication was 'giving in' and that therapy was a waste of time but one or the other or both can be really helpful. Although, all therapists are different, I have found cognitive behavioural therapy extremely helpful and would heartily recommend it. It isn't a miracle cure and doesn't magic feelings away but it can really help you to cope with things in more productive ways and for me helped break the cycle of feeling down, failing at whatever I'm trying not to do, feeling worse then doing whatever it is again cos feel bad.

I kinda assumed all therapy was of the 'tell me about your childhood' ilk, which wouldn't have helped me as I had a happy childhood and have had no significant negative events in my life to trigger depression, but I have found CBT to be really practical and easier than I expected to actually carry out.

If you can access to this and feel ready to get help I recommend this.

Good luck to everyone struggling with this.

nifty

MummyMoo wrote: »

Yep, Im a self harmer - have been for 13 years. Im a highly intellegent person (got a first on my degree despite having a very unplanned pregnancy and losing my best friend of eleven years to suicide) so I'm quite good at the psychology of how messed up I am - lol! Over the last 5 years I've really come to understand the ins and outs of why I cut, how to stop myself, what it is about the action etc.

What strikes me the most about it is that people see it as the most extreme and stupid thing you can do to yourself - its not.. its a compromise. I do it to stop myself from doing anything worse. The pictures and details I get in my head are awful but people cant comprehend what it feels like because the majority of them will thankfully never get to that place in their heads.

Im not sure that I agree with other alternatives to cutting (such as the ice cube and elastic band methods) becasue its still self harming regardless, so how can it be better? (I HAVE tried so many alternative btw).

I dont think I'll ever stop being this way. Too much has happened in my past to erase or come to terms with. I cant just forget or reason with the stuff thats happened so I dont think I can get closure on it.

Sorry if Im not making sense, I've taken my nightime medication and my brain's slurring! lol!

If anyone needs to talk, please feel free to contact me. Plus the website 'recover my life' is amazing (some attention seeking teenagers but A LOT of genuine people).

Just wanted to say you describe exactly how I feel, most of the time I accept the SH as being a part of me and am very controlled so as not to endanger myself too much. I don't think this is such a bad way to live when I know what the alternatives are....I just wish other people could see it this way and accept me as I am.

Cxx

Notsosharp

I really don't think SH is a long term answer, in fact its probably avoiding the real, underlying issues. But having said that I wouldn't say I am completely "cured" either, its something I have a tight rein on and sometimes I have to exercise a fair amount of control. But I really, really don't want to do it again. Now that I've stopped seeing the psychiatrist I don't really know what would happen if I started again.....

What I really do resent is when you go and see a therapist and because you SH it automatically labels you as someone having Borderline Personality Disorder...really annoys me. :mad:

bestpud

Notsosharp wrote: »

I really don't think SH is a long term answer, in fact its probably avoiding the real, underlying issues. But having said that I wouldn't say I am completely "cured" either, its something I have a tight rein on and sometimes I have to exercise a fair amount of control. But I really, really don't want to do it again. Now that I've stopped seeing the psychiatrist I don't really know what would happen if I started again.....

What I really do resent is when you go and see a therapist and because you SH it automatically labels you as someone having Borderline Personality Disorder...really annoys me. :mad:

That hasn't been my experience and I think I'd question any therapist who felt the need to label me.

But then I've only had two (a psychologist via the NHS and a counsellor via uni) and they have both been great. When I read some stories about therapy I wonder if I have been extremely lucky...