Self Harm

Wisteria_2

Hi!

I think recovery all depends on *why* you self harm. There are lots of causes.

One thing that springs to mind is that self harming with dissociation tendancies often is the result of Borderline Personality Disorder. Take a look at its entry on wikipedia.

Other than that, I would say self harm can often be because of very low self esteem or childhood abuse (psychological/physical/sexual).

bestpud

Wisteria wrote: »

Hi!

I think recovery all depends on *why* you self harm. There are lots of causes.

One thing that springs to mind is that self harming with dissociation tendancies often is the result of Borderline Personality Disorder. Take a look at its entry on wikipedia.

Other than that, I would say self harm can often be because of very low self esteem or childhood abuse (psychological/physical/sexual).

It's just a way of dealing with emotional pain, and/or the symptoms which often accompany emotional pain, when you get to the brass tacks of it.

But, yes, the rationale behind it is more important than the SH itself, and at least as important as any diagnosis the person may have.

mazza111

Pssst wrote: »

I think it takes a heck of a lot of courage to pitch up on here and share this with other people. I wonder if it is primarily a female thing?

I think it is primarily a female thing, maybe because we're either too good at showing our emotions or show none at all. It's not unique to women, there's a fellow at my work does it too, he said something like, "If I feel real pain I forget about the mental pain for a wee while!"

prettypoppyknickers

Pssst wrote: »

I think it takes a heck of a lot of courage to pitch up on here and share this with other people. I wonder if it is primarily a female thing?

when i was a child and teenager those years were dark and full of s.h and hatred towards myself and peers i was admitted to hospital at one point where the truth of why i did it came out.

i only stopped when i fell pregnant at 16 not the wisest thing to do but i knew that no matter how insecure i was i would not let my problems ruin a innocent childs life so since the day i gave birth i stopped apart from one slip up but losing your best friend and soul mate would take a toll on you especially if your only 16 at the time and your emotions are everywhere.

but you asking if it was a female thing i do believe it is more a female thing than a male issue although i did have one bf when i was a teen who saw me with cuts and scars on my arm decided to show me how much it was hurting people by doing it to himself. rather stupid i know but i did stop for a while.

talk to somebody about what your going through and i found a elastic band really helped it left no damage or scarring but did help me not to s.h.

my son changed my life for the better i hope you can find something that will encourage you to get help and stop in the future.

best wishes x

Wisteria_2

bestpud wrote: »

It's just a way of dealing with emotional pain, and/or the symptoms which often accompany emotional pain, when you get to the brass tacks of it.
.

Yes but *why* does one have that emotional pain? Until you remove the source of emotional pain you won't be free from self harm, if that is your goal.

A certain amount of emotional pain is normal in a normal healthy individual - for instance, if someone close dies, but its when it becomes problematic that its unhealthy.

Psychologically normal, healthy, people do not self harm to cope with their emotional pain.

I used to self harm too, but it wasn't until I started therapy that I realised that I was psychologically abused as a child (my mother has borderline personality disorder). This meant that I didn't develop normal self esteem --- I used to hate myself so much that I couldn't look at myself in a mirror and covered up all the mirrors in the house! Since then, I've come to deal with my crap childhood (the source of my emotional pain) and I'm free from self harm.

For me, the self harm wasn't a big issue - some people chose to drink themselves silly each night, some people chose to cut themselves, I personally don't see the difference, both are harming themselves. But I'm not belittleing anyone's emotional pain, I just want to say there are lots of ways people 'self harm' and its not just restricted to cutting/burning etc.

Wisteria_2

bestpud wrote: »

When I felt that low, people saying things like I didn't 'deserve to have such beautiful children', or 'you are a time waster and there are more deserving patients', or 'we should not give you pain relief as it is self inflicted and you need to learn a lesson', or ' you won't want pain relief as you like pain', just confirmed what what I already thought about myself....

Wow, that is awful!! Who were these people? Compassion and understanding are what you need when you're in the depths of self harm... I really wish people could understand just how much emtional pain/hate/whatever you want to call it in order to self harm! If they had any experience of that kind of force, they'd be alot more compassionate!

Does anyone live in the bristol area? I went to a self harmers self help group run by these really lovely women for women. It was really nice although took a certain amount of courage to attend.

I'd really try therapy based approaches. They've worked well with me!

Claireabell

I too SH in the past. Wrestled with it for 12 years. Happy to answer any questions....

bestpud

Wisteria wrote: »

Yes but *why* does one have that emotional pain? Until you remove the source of emotional pain you won't be free from self harm, if that is your goal.

A certain amount of emotional pain is normal in a normal healthy individual - for instance, if someone close dies, but its when it becomes problematic that its unhealthy.

Psychologically normal, healthy, people do not self harm to cope with their emotional pain.

I used to self harm too, but it wasn't until I started therapy that I realised that I was psychologically abused as a child (my mother has borderline personality disorder). This meant that I didn't develop normal self esteem --- I used to hate myself so much that I couldn't look at myself in a mirror and covered up all the mirrors in the house! Since then, I've come to deal with my crap childhood (the source of my emotional pain) and I'm free from self harm.

For me, the self harm wasn't a big issue - some people chose to drink themselves silly each night, some people chose to cut themselves, I personally don't see the difference, both are harming themselves. But I'm not belittleing anyone's emotional pain, I just want to say there are lots of ways people 'self harm' and its not just restricted to cutting/burning etc.

I don't want to go into the source of mine (not sure I could even if I wanted to :cool:), but I do not think it is necessary to remove the source of the pain to stop SHing.

I know I have stopped before I've dealt with the underlying issues.

I agree there are many ways to SH; over eating is one form of SH people often overlook! I also agree other forms of SH can be as dangerous, if not more, than acts such as over eating, or even cutting.

Some people find they need to dig deep and get to the root of their 'problem' before they can stop but many others learn to find safer ways of dealing with emotional pain and they move on.

I do not think there has to be any major trauma behind SHing, nor any phsychological disorder - some people do just choose SH over alocohol for example, in times of stress. I have know many like this.

It's more common than many think, but as with anything else, we usually only hear about the people who SH a lot, or cause more serious injuries.

LISSILEIGH

i selfed harmed from when i was 12 ive gradually managed to control it. i took paracetomol the first time i SH and i used to cut myself as well as punch myself.

i went to see a phyc only last year and felt better for talking, but i think what i carry with me will always be there.

i have 3 children and a wonderful husband but strangely i still feel very alone at times (dont know if anyone else understands that?).

i have learn to control how i feel and im very aware and let me husband know when i feel on a downer.

i think unless you have been there its something you will never understand.

i agree with alot of what has been said and thinks its brave if you can admit to it. i must admit the only person that knows is my husband

bestpud

LISSILEIGH wrote: »

i selfed harmed from when i was 12 ive gradually managed to control it. i took paracetomol the first time i SH and i used to cut myself as well as punch myself.

i went to see a phyc only last year and felt better for talking, but i think what i carry with me will always be there.

i have 3 children and a wonderful husband but strangely i still feel very alone at times (dont know if anyone else understands that?).

i have learn to control how i feel and im very aware and let me husband know when i feel on a downer.

i think unless you have been there its something you will never understand.

i agree with alot of what has been said and thinks its brave if you can admit to it. i must admit the only person that knows is my husband

Yep, I understand.

It's a difficult thing to admit but I'm glad you have someone to support you.