Would you pay for the child's coat?

seven-day-weekend

I too don't see this as an accident and think the OP/son and the other boy's mum/son should each pay 1/3 towards the cost of a repair, or if this is not feasible, a new coat (so say £20 each).

I personally would not have asked for the money, but there you go, she has and I think they should pay.

aliasojo

spinning_hamster_wheel wrote: »

My point was why should the "repayment" for the boys' supposed bad behaviour depend on how much the parents wish to spend on a coat? Surely if they were behaving in a malicious manner it doesn't matter if the coat cost £5 or £55. Why should other parents have to pay for another family's choices? I totally agree everyone is entitled to spend what they are comfortable with but this choice should not be inflicted upon anyone else.

Just shows what a varied bunch we are. I dont look at this the same way as you at all......I still think the cost is irrelevent, it's NOT that other parents are paying for another family's choice at all imo...it's that other parents are paying for their child's part in ruining something that belongs to another.

I think your argument is very dangerous..where do you draw the line? If your child ruins something cheap, then that's ok you will deal with it but if he ruins something expensive then that's tough and you will only offer to cover a portion of the cost or replace with something cheaper which sits better with your choice?

Many years ago my eldest wore glasses that were so thick (think coke bottles) that he looked even more disabled than he was iyswim. :rolleyes: He got teased often for just about everything. The NHS frame options for kids then were pale blue, pale pink or a kind of beige plastic. I opted to buy him more specialised jobs privately which had a better glass lens which didn't have to be made so thick and the frames were much more forgiving and less obtrusive too.

He had them less than 6 months when another lad snapped the leg off. The Mother wasn't too concerned and went down the 'boys will be boys' route and offered to repair them. I thanked her, thinking that she was being considerate ......until she gave me them back the following day with a pale blue plastic leg taken from an old NHS pair, screwed on as a replacement. :rolleyes: She couldn't understand why I was annoyed, in her opinion the glasses were functional again and it wasn't worth spending money on a repair or replacement pair as they had a few scratches on and would likely have been needing to be replaced sometime in the future anyway.

I gave her a few choice words then went off to the opticians myself.

The point is, when our children do something to affect another person negatively, we don't (or shouldn't imo) have the luxury of allowing our personal choice to come into things. We just have to accept things for what they are and deal with them accordingly. Other people should be left in the same position they were in before the event happened, not worse off. (Unless they played a part in things themselves, that is.)

OP it'll be interesting to know how this pans out...will you update please?

aliasojo

Nicki wrote: »

For those who are recommending that OP should replace the coat at its full value, can I remind you that OP has said that she is on a very low income and that it would effectively be a choice between paying for the coat and feeding her family for a week!

Going to disagree here again.

I was brought up to always accept responsibility for my actions and to never allow anyone to suffer or be worse of because of my actions. I was taught that amends must be made no matter how hard it was for me to do so.

It's something I teach my own children now.

I accept that the OP might suffer financially but that's something that has to be accepted imo. However, given that you can't get blood out of a stone and assuming the coat is as it is claimed to be (i.e good quality and £55's worth) then if it were me, I'd offer to pay a third of the cost but explain that I was on low income and didn't actually have a lump sum to hand over and that I'd pay so much every week until the debt was paid.

You never know...with a bit of luck the other Mum might tell her not to bother. :rotfl:

Jet

Hello everyone.

Thank you all for your replies.

Just to clarify a few matters. They were taking it in turns to have the hoop and said child wouldn't give it back, I am not for one minute saying it was right for my son and his friend to try and force the issue but there was no way they were going to get it back from him if they didn't try and take it which from what I can asertain is only what the other boy did in the first place. As far as I am concerned it is rough play by all 3 boys. I also know that my son has never been involved with any of the "rough" kids who fight or cause trouble. My son is guilty of being unthinking and "silly", but I have never known him to be malicious. However, his behaviour has caused damage to someone elses property and I think he needs to learn a lesson from that. No teacher saw the incident and his teacher has told me that she won't be punishing any of the boys involved.

My son admitted what had happened straight away to the teacher, apparently, his friend did not.

The boys Mum has fallen out with every teacher her son has ever had and the same with the 2 playgroups she used. She didn't speak to her own mother for years and the same with her only sibling. I used to look after her son for her in the mornings before school because she was leaving him home alone for an hour to lock up, set a burgular alarm and have a 10 minute walk to school. Myself and another friend offered to look after him rather than see him being left for such a long time before and after school - he was 8 years old and she and her husband both worked an hours drive away. Childcare was available but she "didn't like" any of the childminders that were available in the town at that time.

The rip on the boys coat is apparently the size of a piece of sweetcorn according to my son and the coat has also been worn for all of this winter and my son seems to think all of last winter.

I am a working single parent (2 part time jobs that fit mostly around school hours) and money has been very tight in the 6 years I have been on my own, I get no financial help from my son's father. However, I inherited a reasonable sum when my Mum died and my mortgage has been reduced meaning that money is not as tight as it used to be. However, this boys Mum would not know this and knows that my income is still a 6th of hers and her husbands. Paying £55 would not mean I would starve but I would certainly know about it.

If anyone chooses to pay £55 for a school coat, that is their prerogative, however, it is not what I would choose to do for my son. My son had a new coat this year which cost £15, the last 2 years he has had second hand coats. One of which "disappearred" from school and had to be replaced. :rolleyes:

Having given the matter some thought and made sure that I am not treating the matter any differently than I would with another parent, I have written a letter of apology to the school which makes it clear that I do not believe the damage was malicious and that all 3 boys should take responsibility, I will enclose £10 which represents a third of the cost of replacing the coat for the remaining cold months or towards the cost of repair. I have also suggested that if this is not acceptable that I will take the coat and get it professionally mended at full cost to myself (even though there were 3 boys involved). I have also told my son that the money must come from his birthday money which he received on monday and that he must write a letter of apology to go with the money. The letter will go into school tomorrow when his teacher is back from her training course.

I hope this will settle the matter. Watch this space.

aliasojo

Jet wrote: »

The rip on the boys coat is apparently the size of a piece of sweetcorn ........

If that's the case then it sounds as though this could easily be dealt with by a professional repair (assuming it's not the type of fabric that just frays and wont stitch iyswim).

That's what I would be pushing for, I think.

Good luck.

toshkininny

sweetcorn size or corn on the cob?!:rotfl: :rotfl:

Blimey, if it's that small, what's all the fuss about!

aliasojo

toshkininny wrote: »

sweetcorn size or corn on the cob?!:rotfl: :rotfl:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Jet

toshkininny wrote: »

sweetcorn size or corn on the cob?!:rotfl: :rotfl:

Blimey, if it's that small, what's all the fuss about!

We were eating dinner last night and discussing it and my son told me that the rip was as big as this "piece of sweetcorn on my fork".

There was me thinking the rip was all the way down the back of the coat. However, I haven't seen the coat and perhaps there was another rip somewhere else that my son didn't see.

allIcouldwishfor

Oooh, she sounds like a piece of work! A rip the size of a piece of sweetcorn? From your first post, it sounded like she was making out the coat was unwearable! I think £10 is really far too generous now that the extent of the damage has been clarified!!

rosie-marie

Jet, reading your last post you sound like a really nice mum trying to do the right thing - hope it all blows over for you. Good luck.