How do you accept you have slow learning kids?

scrimpingbadger

Aaaah. I know the feeling. My little fella has speech and language difficulties as as well a developmental delays. Of course I've beaten myself up about it. I'm also a teacher and so is my hubbie. I went to Cambridge University. The poorest ability children I teach come from 'dubious' backgrounds. How then, do I accept my boy's problems?
Well, I do, because I've finally given up about worrying about what other people think. I know my lad and I love him, whatever and entirely, with or without problems. I'll fight his corner every step of the way. Whatever he does in life, I'd be proud as long as he was happy doing it.
That said, all who know him, love him to pieces and I know charm has a lot to do with success in life....
By the way - a lot of boys have a very slow start at school. You'd be amazed the progress they make later on.

alm721

scrimpingbadger wrote: »

Aaaah. I know the feeling. My little fella has speech and language difficulties as as well a developmental delays. Of course I've beaten myself up about it. I'm also a teacher and so is my hubbie. I went to Cambridge University. The poorest ability children I teach come from 'dubious' backgrounds. How then, do I accept my boy's problems?
Well, I do, because I've finally given up about worrying about what other people think. I know my lad and I love him, whatever and entirely, with or without problems. I'll fight his corner every step of the way. Whatever he does in life, I'd be proud as long as he was happy doing it.
That said, all who know him, love him to pieces and I know charm has a lot to do with success in life....
By the way - a lot of boys have a very slow start at school. You'd be amazed the progress they make later on.

Thanks so much for posting that. My son is nearly 2 and has been late with all his major milestones. Hes not talking and obviously struggles to make several sounds. Our daughter who is 11 is a first class student, she gets excellent marks is concientious and works really hard. At his age she was talking in sentences, whereas my son just about manages hiya and then only when it suits him. I'm also a teacher as is my mum and come from a family where education was obviously very important. I have a younger brother with special needs and its been really hard watching both him and my mum struggle with his problems over the years and it has terrified me as I see many traits in my son that were so obvious in my brother at that age.
Your post has really cheered me up and focused my thoughts. My son is still very young and who knows where he will end up but I will love him for whoever he is and whatever life throws at him I will be there. I think its hard when you come from a background were education is so important and as a teacher you ask yourself where you are going wrong. However, I do nothing differently with my son than I did with my daughter, they are just different people and thats the way it is. Either way I love them both dearly and as long as they are happy and healthy then really what does it matter?

annie_d

Ditto almost to a "T" leilea.

Rubbish at acedemia growing up...good degree and very successful now.

Spendless

My ds left reception unable to read his key words. In yr 1 he was put in 'pips gang' to help him and it worked wonders. He still didn't like 'stories' to read himself, but non-fiction-anything a child's encyclopedia, a book about recognising clouds, one on different countries. When I mentioned it at school, the head & deputy head bothl said it was common in boys to prefer non-fiction. His teacher said when she asked them to read a bok, my ds would pick up the children's dictionary.

What about getting some non-fiction books out of library to see if your older son is same-I wouldn't worry too much about your younger one.

Have you spoke to the school, if they feel he is behind and if they offer the same sort of thing my sons school did?

Agree with what the others have said about being academic. I'm hoping for a plumber/joiner/electrician in the family instead.:rotfl:

lisa*_5

I haven't read the majority of the replys but I just wanted to say that I needed speach therapy as a child and I did very well at school and went on to do Psychology degree and have what I consider to be a good job. I think they are too young to be able to guage whether or not they are going to be academic or not.

Philip624

My son was born on 31 August so is the youngest child in his year. He is 5 and has friends who turned 6 a week after his birthday, a huge gap development wise at that age. He is in the lowest sets at school but he enjoys school which is the main thing at the moment.

He has always loved books and being read to - we have read to him every night since he was a baby. It has taken him longer than the other children in his school to grasp reading but we were so proud the other day when it all finally seemed to click for him overnight. Words like 'The' and 'She' which cannot be guessed by sounding out alone a la phonics, one night he couldnt read them, the next night he could - it was amazing to witness.

It will take hime a few years to bridge the gap with the older children but theres no rush - really - why does a child of 5 need to know how to read? I think he'll always have that disadvantage being so young in his year so I prefer to compare him with children of the next year down, born just a few months after him, and he is at the same standard as them, its not his fault August is the date chosen to break off the school year.

FairyElephant_2

Spendless wrote: »

Agree with what the others have said about being academic. I'm hoping for a plumber/joiner/electrician in the family instead.:rotfl:

I agree with lots written here - but the problem is that to get on a course or apprenticeship even in 'non-academic' professions, you need to get the grades nowadays!

My DH is an electrician. He left school with average/below average grade CSE's (was not even put in for 'O' levels as it was then). He did his apprenticeship with lads who had no qualifications at all!

Fast-forward to today. His youngest (14) is academically hopeless I'm afraid, but takes after his dad being very good with his hands and at practical stuff like electrics, flat-pack furniture etc, etc, but we know that the chances of him getting an apprenticeship like his dad did are practically zilch.
A friend's son was in a similar position last year, was actually offered an apprenticeship by a local firm, but couldn't take it up because he didn't have high enough grades to be accepted on the college course that went with it, so the company had to let him go.

purplegirluk1

Your children sound perfectly normal to me. I would not judge their intelligence or abilities by academic achievement or by the speed they are learning things at the ages of 6 and 3. If I were you I would take all focus away from 'learning' and focus wholly on play. Children learn from life experiences. Play allows them to develop the skills they need and are able to transfer to education when the time is right.

I follow the steiner waldorf theory which states that a child is not ready to formally learn to read or write until the age of 7. If you read into this you will be able to see how they suggest you cultivate your childrens desire to learn by sparking an interest in the world around them.

Just remember that your children need love and guidance. You clearly love them so you just need to find a way of guiding them without impressing on them any sense of dissapointment. I would suggest looking into the steiner approach and helping your kids be kids.

Many great people were not academic achievers, everyone needs belief in themselves and they can achieve whatever they want to.

tinksy

my hubby didnt speak til age 5 and has severe dyslexia. He failed miserably at school and managed to only scrap a few alevels. He is now in his final year of a degree and has finished in the top 2 of his course every year and is predicted a first! he just learns differently to other people! xx

ethansmum

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply, its helped me no end.

I'm going to have his sight and hearing test just in case, but I have accepted that its me with the problem and not them. I know that I shouldn't be blaming myself for it just accept that thats the way they are. I'm also doing an 'incredible years' course which i believe is big in the States. Its to help me 'manage' the kids better and in the long run we should all be happier (thats the theory anyway! LOL!)

So thanks for making me see that the most important thing is just to enjoy them while they are young and not to put any pressure on them.