How do you accept you have slow learning kids?

sharronloves2spend

ah, ethansmum i know exactly what you are going through, it's tough but here's my pennysworth.

I have 4 children, ds1, who's 14 always trailed behind everyone else at school, i knew he was bright but couldn't get him interested, fast forward 9 years, he's bright acheiving above average, confident happy, lots of friends. We are really proud of him. Whilst at primary school, i did above and beyond his school work, did it help, i'm not sure.

DS2, 12. Happy placid boy, loves his own company, but sociable when the occasion arises. DS2 still struggles with school, always has, not academic at all, slightly dyslexic, but always tries his hardest. Many a sleepless night wandering what will become of him, had parents evening last thursday and the teachers say he is excelling at design and technology and science. We are really proud of him.

DS3, 9, has a severe learning disability with traits on the ASD. Had a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that he will never catch up with his peers, we are in the process of moving him to a specialist school, but despite this everyone who comes into contact with him adores him, he make us laugh and has a wicked sense of humour and everyday is a struggle for him and we are just so proud of him, spent many years not wanting to take him anywhere as people stared at him, over this now and as long as he is happy, we are.

DD, 6, Extremly bright, infact top of her year group for everything, she has a reading age of nearly 10. She happy confident, lots of freiends, and we are also really proud of her.

DH and i are of 'average intelligence' and look at the mixed bag we have. After many years of soul searching i compltely and utterly accept my children for who they are, each of them having their own unique strengths. School is very important but it's not the bee all and end all, i encourage my kids to do their homework, help with projects etc, but they also have the freedom to socialise and enjoy after school activities.

so i guess what i'm trying to say is that accept your children are different, recognise their abilities and always focus on the positive. and most of all enjoy them, they really do grow up in a heartbeat.

HTH Love sharron

rumncoke

sharronloves2spend wrote: »

. and most of all enjoy them, they really do grow up in a heartbeat.

I second that!! Cant believe DS is 18 & off to uni this year. DD is 12 & so independant too.

libbyc3

just a thought - I struggled with the same way of thinking about my DS now 17 - it wasn't really his academic level that i struggled with but his lack of motivation in anything acadenic - he took no pleasure from learning or just losing himself in a book - something i didn't understand.
only this year with him coming up 18 has he decided what he actually wants to do (become a chef) and the cheers from myself and OH could be heard for miles!
I think he picked up on my worries and frustrations for him when he was little and it has taken years - and me making a conscious effort to 'chill out' for him to relax and decide to work towards something, and he now does take pleasure in curling up with a book - now that i'm not bothered!
mind you - it's still a hard lesson to learn as DD2 who is nearly 7 shows the same signs of lack of motivation to learn and although i know me being frustrated will get everyone nowhere its a real effort to stop myself!

traceys9062

My youngest son couldn't speak until he was 3 and also went to speech therapy.
Once he started to speak there was no stopping him!
He is now 13 & NEVER shuts up, (its a joke in our house that we wish we never sent him!)
He is very bright & in the top sets for everything at school:D

My eldest son who is 16 has traits of autism and ADD and was statemented when he was 8. He is in mainstream school & has had a teaching assistant for most lessons. He is estimated to pass all his GCSE's (low grades) & I am very proud of what he has achieved. He is due to go to college in Sept :j

My daughter is 14 & has never had any problems:D

Three completely different kids!!!!

jellyhead

My mum had 4 children - 2 clever, 1 clever but lazy, 1 not clever. It wasn't anything my parents did, just all kids are different even if both parents are 'bright'. Both clever kids got degrees, I think it was the clever but lazy one who perplexed my parents the most! He is a shelf stacker, and perfectly happy. He has no ambition at all.

I've always thought that girls are much brighter than boys, when they're young at least.

My husband was considered 'thick' at school (end of August birthday didn't help) but it didn't stop him going to college and university. He didn't see the point of reading for pleasure until he was 14. He had an extremely bright sister and both parents, so nobody expected him to be so slow. It hasn't affected his later life though.

One of my nephews didn't learn to read until he was put into a special group at the end of year 1. His year 2 SATS results are fine though. Some children just don't want to be in school when they're little.

back when I went to school it wasn't even considered a problem if a child couldn't read at 6. A friend has 2 little girls on the special needs register, and she doesn't think they have special needs at all - they're just little girls who aren't ready for formal learning yet. She couldn't read at age 4 either - not many could when we started school. I was reading at 3 but my sister didn't learn until she was 8 - no reason for it, no special needs. She was reading fine by the time she went to high school.

I think we expect too much of tiny children nowadays, and when they are below average it's considered a problem - your boys will most likely be fine when they're older. My eldest was statemented and couldn't hold a pencil or recognise any of the alphabet when he started school, but his year 2 SATS results were above average and everyone was amazed at his progress and in year 6 he got straight 5's - it was just a slow start.

mum.s

My DS who is 10 is behind in spelling/reading, we have read with him, had spelling tests, Board Games, but getting him to sound out the letters of a word has been difficult, he is being taught in school to say them in CAPITAL form i.e. A,B,C. This has had a knock on effect with his other studies, he became frustrated,upset, low self asteem, not understanding what the teachers where talking about, but we could see that he was also a bit lazy and would rather be doing something else (you could see a shield of not wanting to know and switching off come down over his face most of the time), we did everthing for him, gave him ideas for stories, ways to remember maths problems etc and when we tried to help with his reading he would only read 3 pages (teachers directions/suggestion) he would learn easy spellings for tests but his teacher didnt test him, and he got further behind, he was also labeled 'special needs', . We eventually took him to a Private tutor who would not allow any messing and would keep his brain occupied, we sat and discussed his abilites, and found that we had been doing all his thinking for him, she gave him a dictionary and asked him to find any word he liked, she closed the book and asked him to spell it, he did to our surprise within seconds and then to spell it backwards, he did to our even greater surprise, then the same with a 15 letter word, she confirmed he had the ability to do the work but needed the help in concentration and his self asteem and also bringing up to speed. on his first lesson he came out feeling proud of himself, he had been spelling words along with other children from 5 - 15, and he felt grown up, proud. He has now been attending the tutor for the last 3 weeks for spelling/literacy and numeracy, the last word he came home and spelt was photosynthesis. We have parents evening in a few weeks time, im not expecting any changes, but i am very proud in the way he has/is progressing at the moment.

Mrs_P_Pincher

DD1 walked late (22 months) after a nurse at teh clinic had told me she would never walk, talked late, read late, coasted through school, became rebellious at home and at school as a teenager, got one pass grade at GCSE. She started a GNVQ (remember those?) but was eventually 'asked to leave' school. She immediately went and got herself a job and has been in work ever since. At 26 she has a responsible office job, having moved from retail, a lovely fianc! and a bright future. She's even paying to train as a manicurist and yet when she was about 14 I remember watching someone clearing tables in McDonalds and telling her that is where she would end up if she didn't pull her finger out.

DD2 read before she went to school, was doing DD2's German homework for her when she was about seven and is now reading Classics at a prestigious university. She may be bright, but she has little in the way of social skills.

In OH's divorce papers it says that wife #1 will never be able to work because she is caring for their child, who has special needs. That child is now at uni and getting literally first class marks. She has no special needs at all, so someone got that wrong.

You'll love your kids whatever and there are all sorts of reasons why they fail to meet the norms - as Firefly says, enjoy them for what and who they are.

Mrs P P

Silverbird

gibboelli wrote: »

Does it really matter? On the grand scale of things, does being academic really make any difference to anyone?
I was always doing well at school, I'm classed as a genius now with my IQ but I couldnt cope with structure and the things people constantly expected of me, and the expectations they had of my future and had a nervous breakdown at 8 and again at 13. Ok I'm a manic depressive but being academic never helped me! It made me worse!
I will also add school has to be one of the most boring environments I have ever come across, maybe your kid honestly isnt interested in anything teachers have to say and do and hasnt found his niche yet.
Happiness is severely under rated. Let your son be happy, even if that does mean he doesnt have super dooper report cards.

Couldn't agree more :T Great post.

Also, you don't have to go to Uni or be academic to suceed in life and do well and excel.

I left school with very good grades and grades that were better than my younger sister when she left. She went to Uni and got a degree. I didn't bother going to Uni (I'd detested school and didn't want yet more teaching). Guess who's earning more money and living a much happier life (something she's said to me herself)? Yes - me!

Another example is my husband. He left school early and didn't get very many pass grades at all. He didn't spend much time at College. He is by no means unintelligent. He went out and got jobs and worked his way up and he's now almost earning the same as me and we're both incredibly happy. He says that he just couldn't be bothered with school and that he just didn't find it interesting.

Everybody is different and that's such a good thing. Please don't push your kids into anything or try to turn them into something they're not. Let them be and let them develop on their own terms.

Being academic does not necessarily equate success or happiness.

myrnahaz

I'm sure your kids will find their personal skills in their own time. My DS was 3-and-a-half and could ride a 2-wheeled bike before he could string a sentence together but he is now an award-winning welder.
Also, a friend of ours was written-off as stupid in primary school (how horrid is that - but it was the 60's) but, when he was 12, he developed a good relationship with his secondary school technology teacher who recognised that the boy had a keen aptitude for electronics and really took an interest in him.
The 'boy' went on to do really well and has recently retired early from a large electronics company on a phenomenal pension.

[Deleted User]

My old science teacher told my parents that i'd never pass a science GCSE (i was 11 at the time). 11 years later and i graduated my science masters (after my degree in genetics). Ha, showed him