How do you accept you have slow learning kids?

ethansmum

I have 3 children. The eldest is 7- girl, then a 6yo Boy and another boy who is 3.

Both DH and I went to uni, have good jobs and were very academic at school. Well DD is of average intelligence, but both DS's are very slow. DS1 is way behind his classmates in reading and writing- hes just not interested. DS2 needs speach therapy as up until a month or so ago hardly spoke a word. Now he tries to converse atleast.

I'm finding it very hard to accept that perhaps i have kids that will always be below average ifswim. I want so much for them- to go to uni, excel in what they what, get good jobs etc etc.
I feel like its my fault that they aren't doing well at school.

Poppy9

They are a bit young to be written off. Every child has a talent and it's just a matter of identifing it.

If it helps I used to go into school to help with reading for reception & Y1 children. Some of the children were fantastic readers within weeks in reception and some were not interested at all and made out they didn't even know the word "and". By the end of Y1 the gap was decreasing rapidly and for some they had overtaken the early readers. There was a very small residual group who continued to need more input but the school gave addressed this.

My friend's son had speech therapy as he couldn't say words starting with a T. He's 14 now and doing very well at school and will probably follow his parents by going to Uni.

chatnoir

I wouldn't worry...all kids progress at different rates...you youngest might not talk yet, but does he get a chnace to talk, some children don't get a chance to speak over more confident out going siblings, maybe some one on one time would be good. Also, do you spend time reading,writing etc with them they might not get the attention needed when at school and any extra time you can spend teaching them things will be a great help!

tessie_bear

its not your fault...its not theirs its just the way the cookie crumbles...are they happy ? got friends ? go to school without crying and carrying on ?if so id give it time...my oldest son is dyslexic (hes 9) and only very recently started making much progress...my husband is dyslexic and has managed to get a phd...he couldnt write his name until he was 11....my youngest son (3) all but got expelled from nursery for being too much of a hand full but im sure he will calm down (fingers crossed)...this was so embarassing as oh and i are both teachers who know the nursery staff from previous teaching job .....i know what u mean about wanting the so much for your children...i feel the same but stay calm...encourage them and hopefully they will find the right path for them and if other mothers have upset u by boasting just think...what goes round comes round and i intend to get the last laugh iyswim...good luck

Pee

It isn't your fault.

I'm sure people will come on who know much more than me, but equally I am sure that you cannot tell from a childs development at say & what A levels they will obtain. Likewise you cannot tell what they will be interested in doing and what they will acheive.

I do feel for you because you would assume two well educated parents would produce three, or at least two of three, academic children. I wouldn't rule out that possiblity, but I think you have to remember that academic ability is only one aspect of a person's character.

I know that I would prefer if I had children to have happy and/ or healthy children rather than academically able, even though I love reading and would find it difficult for instance if a child didn't.

I have a friend, very clever, very well educated, very socially skilled, husband possibly even more so on all three counts and various issues with their children including suspected autism and attention issues.

I hope smeone gives you something more helpful soon, but please, it isn't anyone's fault, and it may not even be a problem.

ethansmum

I really do hope he can catch up Poppy- he is in year1. He just has no interest in reading what so ever. I've even bought him Pokemon card (he loves these) and tried to get him to read those out, but its not helping.

Chatnoir- thats what DH thinks. The other 2 do respond for him when asked questions.

I've just started to make an effort and play educational games every day- ie kids scrable and 2 dice snakes and ladders. Is there anything else i could do?

Thanks for your replies .

[Deleted User]

Ever considered getting them IQ-tested?

As a child, my reading was way behind a lot of kids, but my IQ was high. Turns out i'm lazy and easily bored!

Poppy9

Try the Beano comic. They can join the Beano club etc. DD was always an avid reader but when she found she didn't have time to sit and have a long read of a book she enjoyed the Beano. She looked forward to it each week as the stories are short enough to not require too much effort when tired after school.

I wouldn't worry about him not wanting to read out. I loved reading but hated reading aloud. Still do. OH who never reads a book was by far the best bedtime reader to DD as he could read at a slower pace and put on the funny voices!

leiela

I kinda know how you feel i have 2 boys the first is 9 and VERY VERY bright, top of his year for everything, teachers constently praise how clever he is.

However DS2 is only 7 but he seems to be trailing, still can't read.. even though i've spent loads of time with him and he's pretty much struggling at everything on his report cards he's always way way below average.

It gets frustrating because i honestly don't belive he's any "less bright" than DS1 i just don't think he's academic and he doens't have the drive to be academic.

I try and comfort myself with the thought that everyone has a different goal aim and dreams in life, DS1 might be academic he might well go onto uni but DS2 might lead just a fullfilled life in something less "academic" tbh as long as they both grow up healthy and happy i don't honestly care.

The only time it bothers me is that family seem to make such a fuss of ds1's cleverness that i think ds2 gets forgotten about and neglected.. and i think he's just as special, clever and talented just in a very different way.

Every child has thier talents.. stop focusing so much on what they are not good at and look for something positive to nurture.

My DS2 isn't academic it's true, but he's funny and caring and makes the best models ever out of cardboard
not to mention he can whoop both mine and DS1's butts at chess which at least proves there is a brain in there even if he doens't choose to use it at school.

ethansmum

Tessie Bear- they are happy go lucky kids. No tears going to school ever, as for friends - only a couple. DS has never had a 'best friend'. School is worried because he perfers the dinner ladies/teachers company at playtimes. I hope I can take a leaf from your book and stay calm, but its really frustrating.

Pee- thanks for your comments. Thats exactly what I'm feeling. DH and I loved school, loved learning, loved reading. Its just hard when you're kids can't get as enthusiastic as we want them to be.

leiela

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Ever considered getting them IQ-tested?

As a child, my reading was way behind a lot of kids, but my IQ was high. Turns out i'm lazy and easily bored!

Oh just add ... i was EXACTLY the same way.

I just got bored at school, i left school without a single GCSE everyone gave up on me thinking i was "dumb".. eventually it got to the point that i belived it too.

I was working in McDonalds when my husband met me, i guess everyone thought i'd spend the rest of my life in "dead end jobs" but he belived in me, im now a very well paid Business Intellegance Consultant, with a good degree and good prospects.

I guess for various reason's i didn't have the drive to do well at school, i needed the real challenge of the real world before my brain kicked in.

Don't give up your kids are very young maybe right now, maybe school just isn't motivating them.