Do children ever leave home nowadays?

JFC_2

Eldest is 20 this year, he is an apprentice electrician in his first year (he was orginaly at college but he hated the course, temped in finance for a while and then found this position which he loves)....unfortunately he works long hours for little pay at the moment (perk of being an apprentice) he is taking home £500 a month, despite working 12 hour days, sometimes 6 days a week. So....I feel it unfair to charge him board etc.. I also make him packed lunches (well its hard physcial work on the building site and I want to make sure he eats more than a pot noodle!) He isnt good at managing his money...running a car is a large part of the drain on his finances but he needs to drive and run a car as its a condition of his employment. When he was initialy accepted he was told it was on condition he passed his test and got a car...He took an intensive driving course and passed first time, then he got a car with the money his grandfather left him, the insurance was expensive and after an incident with a central reservation in January thats now in the car park in the sky...so he is looking for another car to replace it....its all money money money these days.

Cant see him leaving home until at least 35!

JFC_2

Having said that, I know when he does leave home I will still fret about him...like my mum does about me & I am 43!

My other son Mat is 16 and very independant already. He wants to be a Doctor like his uncle and has hinted that he expects to take over looking out for his older brother when his father and I are no longer around.

Then his little sis who will be 14 in May, I imagine she will be independant too, she has a feisty determination about getting on at school despite being of average intelligence (nothing wrong with being average)...Her teachers told me her abilitys are in the middle of average but her determination to succeed and hard working nature means she is likely to achieve in her exams more than some who are naturally brighter but lazy


So 1 child out of 3 staying at home isnt so bad...lol

MrsTinks

Well some leave home... I did at 16 However not to paint a bleak picture but my ex only moved out this year from his parents... with his wife a whole week before his first child arrived... at about 35 I think...
Once your son is earning a non-apprentice salary however I think you should at LEAST be charging him a half decent rent... and make him do his own lunch! He's 20! I swear my ex must have picked someone who could cook because thanks to his mum always cooking for him he couldn't boil an egg when I knew him!

[Deleted User]

Maybe you need to ask the 'job interview question' of "Where do you want to be in 5 years time?". If the answer is "still living here" then you may need to be concerned... but it's not unusual now for people to live at home longer (personally i think its a bit odd as I only spent 3 months living with my parents after uni before i moved out)

JFC_2

Hello Mrs Trine

I dont cook well I am afraid. I would like to claim to be a perfect mum and wife but alas that title belongs to someone else (take a peek at my house and you would understand..lol)

My eldest actualy is good at cooking. When he was 12 I broke my leg and he made me drinks and meals at weekends when his dad was working. He makes a lovely roast. When he had a steady Girlfriend not long ago, he cooked all the food for her. She still complained though (she only liked junk food)

But I know what you mean...I make him his packed lunch as my choice...he would be happy to get food in a cafe at work with the other builders etc but he dosnt earn what they do. Its just my token gesture to say I care I suppose.

JFC_2

Hi Ringo,

I too left home relatively early. I bought my first home at 19 with my boyfriend (still with him). We did have help though, sadly my boyfriends parents both died and we had a substantial deposit to put down on a house, I think its harder for youngsters these days.

We live in an expensive area (Crawley) and even with todays house fall in prices I think it will be a while before he can move out to rent or buy a place of his own. The average rent is £800 a month for a 1 bed flat . The council list for a single male was 12 years at the last count. Point system I think.

tanith

Just depends on the individual I think, my eldest girl was up and gone by 18 , my second daughter was gone by 19 but my youngest , my son left at 28 :eek: came back for a year at 29:eek: :eek: then left again for good this time :T seems like he enjoyed my attentions more than my girls... hahahaha

I missed them all muchly but then along came the grandchildren and I now enjoy having them but sending them home is much more fun..:rotfl:

[Deleted User]

I'm guessing your lad has never lived away from home ever? Maybe a house-share would be better.. i was paying about £500 to share a flat in zone 2 London. I bought my first house when i was 26 with my girlfriend (now wife)..amusingly because of the interest rate drop, my mortgage is now less than my old flat-share rent.

I'd worry about him being unable to do 'domestic' things - laundry, pay bills on time, choose insurance etc. Personally, i would not be considering council housing. Does he know what his income will be when his apprenticeship finishes?

JFC_2

Hi Tanith

Thats an encouraging post. I do love having him home with me, I just worry he will miss out on life if he stays with us too long. My dad lived at home until he was 32 but he was an only child and I think he felt a duty to his parents. His mum was 36 when she had him and he looked after them financialy as his career progressed. He did very well for himself career wise in the civil service and his income helped them considerably. My mum is 9 years younger than my dad (he was her boss). She left home at 23 and married him after 6 months courtship then they set up home together.

He still paid his parents heating and electricity bills, food shopping even after leaving home. Role reversal there really...

JFC_2

Ringo, if he stays with his current employer I think he will be taking home between 800 and 1000 a month.

JFC_2

but his apprentiship is a 4 year one so he has another 3 years and 6 months to go.

Ideally he should be putting the rent he isnt paying us into an account to use as a deposit when he needs to move out...unfortunately the amount he spends on petrol etc for work means very little is left afterwards.

He split from his girlfriend of 15 months just prior to christmas and has been spending more money going out than he used to, which to be honest I have encouraged as I thought he needed to get out and meet his friends again (his ex was possessive and banned him from meeting up with his friends so he had to catch up with them all again)

He is good now though, he gets up at 5.30am every day, his boss collects him at 6am and he gets home at 6pm (his car is written off so his boss is taking him to and from work at the moment until the insurance comes through) He has been working 6 days a week (the saturdays he isnt being paid for either..his boss told him as the college was closed on the monday due to the snow he owed him 2 saturdays to make up!!)..but thats another issue.

His father has told him that being an apprentice means very little money and being given the hard work *(his dad is an electrician) but he said some of the things that his employer expects of him is out of order...doubly complicated as my sons boss is his dads old apprentice! weird arrangement.

Anyway..the long and the short of it after all his car, living expenses etc he will have about £40 a month left! which wont go along way to pay rent on anywhere.

I suppose he could plan to leave at 25. If he makes plans and saves towards them then that will give him something to aim for. I dont want to make him feel unwelcome as we are always here for him, and would never like to see him in debt or homeless...just want to help him make a life for himself