The diary of a skint bloke's Mrs

supa-girl

This thread has been great to read.

I am in a similar boat - dp is going BR on Thursday. The debts were there long before he met me - he spent most of the money supporting his ex wife's demands for a certain lifestyle, the divorce hit him hard, then the credit crunch as he was at the time employed in an industry dependant on the hosuing market......:rolleyes:

I knew he had debts, but I didn't realise how bad it was - I don't think he did either, he was just living day today and trying not to think about it. It was only when I was pg that I asked exactly what he owed......turns out it was over 100k! :eek: To say I was shocked is an understatement, and he was too - there were a lot of tears.

Anyway, fast forward a bit and here we are - he is out of options, BR is the only one left. I have been on mat leave so have been dealing with the nasty calls/letters....etc. Dreading the phone ringing, not answering the door....I'm sure we've all been there! It has been stressful, but I love him and will stick by him and support him.

I have been pretty calm but as the day approaches (thurs!) I feel sick, can't sleep, can't eat........I have so many fears but at the end of the day, he has no choice, so neither do I. I look forward to the day I can post on here like some of the others, saying "it's over, it wasn't so bad, there IS life after BR....." Until then, it's 4am pacing and cups of tea for me!

SG

RRWJ

Supa-girl,

Wow - similar story to mine! My oh married the wrong woman, ended up shelling out for some of her bills etc before they got married, divorce got nasty and he had to pay for numerous affidavits etc, has no assets, ended up taking a 50% pay cut (maybe more) when he moved up from London, but it was move or lose the plot, and now, a year and a bit later, here we are with around 60k of his debt hanging over us. It's the last piece of baggage I have to deal with from his past, and then we can move forward, so to say I'm looking forward to it is an understatement!

I'm glad this diary has been useful to you, and please keep me updated as to how you get on on thurs (and after).

It isn't easy loving a bloke going BR, and I don't know about you, but I have pangs of feeling selfish because it's not my name going on the IR or in the paper etc, and it's not my credit history being screwed even further (if that's possible), but it's stressful for us supporters too!

*hugs hugs* and all the best for thursday.

R

RRWJ

Not only am I starting to get really stressy about the OH going BR in a week and 6 days, but a uni project (a big one) is now at threat because of one group member potentially messing the whole thing up.

I've gone from ultra calm to having palpitations and feeling really panicky in the space of a day. I really didn't need any more stress TVM, but no - some jumped up little twazzock decides that three months into a project and three weeks before the presentation/report is due, he hasn't actually done any work.

I could kill him.

Sorry for ranting, but I really really needed to get it off my chest. I know it's not technically BR related, but I really didn't need any more stress right now.

Raaaah!!!!!

:mad:

dalip

I would kick him out of the group or at least let your tutors know how little he has done and how it is jeopadising the whole groups project.

Yes it never rains unless it pours.

I think that perhaps as the bc date gets closer we find ourselves unable to deal with minor set backs,let alone major ones. Bc the closer it gets, the more all consuming it gets. From the moment we open our eyes in the morning, to the time when we actually do sleep,our mind is pre-occupied with bc,the OR,the court. Then there are all the what if's......scarey. Just try to keep your mind focused on what it will be like 6 mths from now.Dx

RRWJ

Dalip,

If I could kick him out of the group, I would. He's been nothing but trouble all the project long. Grrr.

And you're so right about the run-up. I wish we'd thought ahead and he'd phoned earlier than he did - it's going so slowly, and this is only a 3 week waiting period! We're almost halfway through the wait now, but oh my life is it dragging out! And yes, it's there from the moment you open your eyes to the moment you go to sleep. It's there every waking moment, and it's flipping scary!

Six months from now.... I'll have finished uni, we should hopefully be in a house by then, and it'd be really nice if he got an early discharge, but we're not holding our breath. Alternatively I could be on the dole due to lack of jobs around here, and we could be in a bedsit somewhere because that's all we can afford.

Urgh! So much hinges on me getting a job, even if it's only part time. *crosses fingers*

Hope you're ok

xx

supa-girl

I know how you feel hon, Oh is in court tomorrow and today I've had parents telling me our Lo has been picking on their kids, plus my mUmcalled to say my uncle has died....I have spent ost of the day crying when all I wanted was to be strong for tomorrow! :mad:

I have had a morning (and part pm :rolleyes: ) of wallowing/crying but now I've pulled myself together (as best I can ) and feel better for getting it all out of my system (and offloading in my diary!:eek: )

Not much help but hopefully you know you are not alone in this.

Hugs

SG

RRWJ

SG,

I've been trying to word something appropriate in your diary, but everything I typed sounded trite and twee.

Really sorry to hear about your uncle and the kiddo - hope it gets sorted soon.

Best of luck for tomorrow - looking forward to seeing how it goes for you. It's good to know we're not alone in feeling like we do, eh? As annoying as it is that sometimes all we can do is sit and cry, it is a small comfort that we're not alone in this.

It's just so flippin hard......

*hugs*

dalip

I remember having a right ding dong with a bloke at work cause i was in such a world of my own that he hought he had upset me. You know the sort,you can not just be quiet cause you have things on your mind. They are convinced they have done something wrong:mad: . Kept on an on until i let rip. Then spent the rest of the day in tears. The slightest thing used to set me off.Take comfort in the fact you are not the first by a long chalk.lol

Good luck to you both for tomorrow girl.Dx

RRWJ

It's a week tomorrow. *gulps*

The last two weeks have flown, despite me whingeing that they were dragging. Time warp anyone? lol

OH pointed out it was 10 days to go on saturday, and I asked how he was feeling. I was expecting "nervous" or "worried", but he just said "I'm looking forward to getting it done and dusted now".

We were supposed to be finishing his paperwork yesterday but he put it off, so we're doing it tonight come hell or high water. He reckoned his statement was ok, until he realised that the more he puts in the statement, the less the OR will ask (all being well). There's loads of nitty gritty details about where a lot of the money was racked up that he's missed out, and I think it'd benefit him to put it in.

I keep getting really nervous, and then I chill out a bit. My mind has now gone to things like "what should he/I wear to the court?" and "does he only need to take the forms and his money, or should he take tenancy agreement and stuff too?"

I can't quite believe that it's in 8 days time. Over a year of waiting for this to happen, and it's nearly nearly here.

Now I'm just impatient to get it over and done with so we can move on with our lives away from the baggage from his past....

RRWJ

We didn't do the paperwork last night. *bad missus*

We both had rubbish days yesterday - I actually sobbed for most of the afternoon thanks to getting yet another "thanks but no thanks" email from the final company I'd applied to for a graduate job. Talk about demoralising! Flipping recession....:mad:

So we pigged out on pizza last night (bye bye diet!), and cuddled up and shut the world out. Neither of us were in any fit place to faff about with paperwork, so we've left it til today.

It's a week today to his appointment in court, and we agreed that we'd do the statement today. I found out that the court he's going to isn't the one I thought it was! Handy to find that out beforehand really...

We're toying with the idea of getting up early and having a decent breakfast at a cafe we know, maybe get some wool or raid a charity shop for a jumper to be pulled down (I'm an avid knitter!) and make sure he's nice and calm and prepared for the afternoon.

Nerves seem to have gone on his side. I'm like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs!!

Oh, and we found out that the people in the flat downstairs were only allowed another 6 months on their tenancy agreement, which makes it end within a week of ours. The landlady knows that we're not staying on, so we're wondering if she's going to get us all out at the same time and then try to sell the house!

Interesting....

And I won on the euro millions - my first ever lottery win!! Not enough to retire on, but £15 nonetheless!

Happy days....

Is it the 17th yet?

What should he wear for court? Does he just need to take the fees and the BR forms or should he take anything else?