Depression Support Thread

Sssssss

Hi everyone (old and new), as you can see I'm posting a bit less these days, as some of you know 5 weeks ago (already) I had a little ray of sun shine, I was offered a part time job, so have less time now.

Just need a bit of a rant and some views / thoughts / advise

The job is great, the people are lovely and very supportive but the boss is a complete "£$%" and a bully. Since the interview(s) he has done nothing but told lies regarding wages. On Monday I found out that having worked all of Feburary I won't get paid nothing from the company because he says I'm actually on training and I should still get me unemployment benefit. Well guess what, the job center say the opposite. So Monday and Tuesday he has had me in his office, high lights of which are he talks down to me as he does to everyone else, told me it's NOT his / companies problem and if I don't like it you know where the door is. Now I'm 44 and was also a manager, having spent 2 years fighting depression and trying to get to a stage where I'm no longer going to let people bully me, I told him a few home truths as well. We would still be in the meeting if I hadn't walked out, I told him you want the final word, no problem, just put into writing your reasons for dismissing me.

But after the meeting I completely broke down and had to take half an hour to calm myself down. Still I went in again today and did my shift and the guy hasn't had the balls to putting anything in writing and left me in peace to do my job.

So what do you think, did I do right to stand up for myself or should I just have kept quite, because the last thing I want to do is end up going backwards after a 2 year fight to get this far. And what do I do if he starts up again. As for the money the job center have said they'll sort it out.

For the first time in over a year I've made and an appointment to see my therapist, but won't be seeing him till next week.

thanks for letting me rant Sssssss.

beachbeth

I don't blame you at all, Sssssss. Hopefully your response will make him realise that you won't just lie down and take all the carp he dishes out. You usually find that the people who are quiet and never say anything are the ones they pick on first and not the ones who stick up for themselves. Does this boss own the company or is he just a cog in a big wheel? If he doesn't own it then you could perhaps go to someone higher and tell them what he has said?

beachbeth

Sssssss wrote: »

I'll second that, but careful she is actually a cat

Yes, and I wouldn't like to see her when she has her claws out!!!:p

beachbeth

I was so positive and upbeat this morning. The sun was shining, I took all of my 6 dogs for a walk (3 at a time!), carried out household chores, ran a few errands and felt glad that I am getting my drinking under control (ive vowed to only drink at weekends).

Now Im so upset and angry that ive opened a bottle of red that I was saving for the weekend. I needed something to calm me down.:mad:

In a nutshell, my daughters work at weekends for a local shop who stay open until 8.00pm. They are both at Uni and college. A few Saturdays ago my youngest was there with 2 other members of staff and a chap who used to work at that branch came in. (He works at another store and is manager there.) He was drunk and made a nuisance of himself. The lady in charge kept telling him to leave and he ignored her. He sexually harrassed my daughter whilst he was there (she had to hit him to tell him to leave her alone! He tried to kiss her, lifted her shirt and followed her around making suggestive remarks.)

My daughter was really upset but just wanted to forget about it all. However, the lady in charge reported his behaviour although she hadn't seen how he behaved towards my daughter.

The head office investigated it and spoke to my daughter (she was very reluctant to talk to strangers about such an embarrassing subject). Today we have found out that he hasn't been sacked. To tell you the truth we don't care one way or the other whether he has or not. However, he has been told that he is allowed back in the store where my daughter works. He lives quite near this store and so he is bound to go in at some point. She has been so distraught and upset about this and I have had to collect her from college today. She is terrified that he will turn up while she is working there. I personally don't think he would dare show his face because everyone there knows what he has done (they might not know the whole story but they get the gist). But this doesn't stop her being worried that he may turn up again.

It seems that even in this day and age that men can behave as inappropriately as they like at work and there will be no consequence. I have worked at 3 different organisations and in 2 out of those 3 I was aware of sexual harrassment going on. In the first case, I left the organisation and don't know what happened but in the 2nd case the manager in question (he was harrassing half a dozen women!) was just moved to another branch!:mad:

These poor men just can't help themselves - its the women that entice them obviously.

Tulip

:hello:Everyone,

I had a lovely bath,then put Kylie Minogue Sweet Darling body lotion on and I smell divine,I so love that perfume,Gave Mum the Kate Moss one as I wasnt too keen on that one but I really like Kylies so Mum was delighted and I was as well.Sorry to hear about your daughter Beth,hope shes ok now.

relaxing tonight too


love and light,

Katie xxx

Sssssss

beachbeth wrote: »

I was so positive and upbeat this morning. The sun was shining, I took all of my 6 dogs for a walk (3 at a time!), carried out household chores, ran a few errands and felt glad that I am getting my drinking under control (ive vowed to only drink at weekends).

Now Im so upset and angry that ive opened a bottle of red that I was saving for the weekend. I needed something to calm me down.:mad:

In a nutshell, my daughters work at weekends for a local shop who stay open until 8.00pm. They are both at Uni and college. A few Saturdays ago my youngest was there with 2 other members of staff and a chap who used to work at that branch came in. (He works at another store and is manager there.) He was drunk and made a nuisance of himself. The lady in charge kept telling him to leave and he ignored her. He sexually harrassed my daughter whilst he was there (she had to hit him to tell him to leave her alone! He tried to kiss her, lifted her shirt and followed her around making suggestive remarks.)

My daughter was really upset but just wanted to forget about it all. However, the lady in charge reported his behaviour although she hadn't seen how he behaved towards my daughter.

The head office investigated it and spoke to my daughter (she was very reluctant to talk to strangers about such an embarrassing subject). Today we have found out that he hasn't been sacked. To tell you the truth we don't care one way or the other whether he has or not. However, he has been told that he is allowed back in the store where my daughter works. He lives quite near this store and so he is bound to go in at some point. She has been so distraught and upset about this and I have had to collect her from college today. She is terrified that he will turn up while she is working there. I personally don't think he would dare show his face because everyone there knows what he has done (they might not know the whole story but they get the gist). But this doesn't stop her being worried that he may turn up again.

It seems that even in this day and age that men can behave as inappropriately as they like at work and there will be no consequence. I have worked at 3 different organisations and in 2 out of those 3 I was aware of sexual harrassment going on. In the first case, I left the organisation and don't know what happened but in the 2nd case the manager in question (he was harrassing half a dozen women!) was just moved to another branch!:mad:

These poor men just can't help themselves - its the women that entice them obviously.

I know it will be tough but if your daughter can, report it to the police, what he did is against the law. Once he is convicted let the company know and he should lose his job.

Another option is take it higher up in the company. You could even consider legal action against the company as the harrasment took place on company premises by an employee.

I know it's difficult but as you said in your reply to my post the weak will always get picked on where as we need to stand up to these idiots to avoid it happening again.

Good luck.

whitevanwoman

Sssssss wrote: »

Hi everyone (old and new), as you can see I'm posting a bit less these days, as some of you know 5 weeks ago (already) I had a little ray of sun shine, I was offered a part time job, so have less time now.

Just need a bit of a rant and some views / thoughts / advise

The job is great, the people are lovely and very supportive but the boss is a complete "£$%" and a bully. Since the interview(s) he has done nothing but told lies regarding wages. On Monday I found out that having worked all of Feburary I won't get paid nothing from the company because he says I'm actually on training and I should still get me unemployment benefit. Well guess what, the job center say the opposite. So Monday and Tuesday he has had me in his office, high lights of which are he talks down to me as he does to everyone else, told me it's NOT his / companies problem and if I don't like it you know where the door is. Now I'm 44 and was also a manager, having spent 2 years fighting depression and trying to get to a stage where I'm no longer going to let people bully me, I told him a few home truths as well. We would still be in the meeting if I hadn't walked out, I told him you want the final word, no problem, just put into writing your reasons for dismissing me.

But after the meeting I completely broke down and had to take half an hour to calm myself down. Still I went in again today and did my shift and the guy hasn't had the balls to putting anything in writing and left me in peace to do my job.

So what do you think, did I do right to stand up for myself or should I just have kept quite, because the last thing I want to do is end up going backwards after a 2 year fight to get this far. And what do I do if he starts up again. As for the money the job center have said they'll sort it out.

For the first time in over a year I've made and an appointment to see my therapist, but won't be seeing him till next week.

thanks for letting me rant Sssssss.

Absolutely you did the right thing. You would have felt really rubbish about yourself if you hadn't stood up to him. And the JC is sorting out the money so at least you don't have to do that yourself. Have a look at the ACAS website for advice and guidance about employment law. If you have been given a contract of employment (employer has 13 weeks to give it to you so chances are you might not have it yet) your start date (and therefore your pay date ) should be clearly put down. And under Working Time Regs I think training time (if it is training essential for doing your job) is classed as working time anyway. Some people just get you so mad (scuse the pun) - trying to cheat, lie and bully everyone they can. I know it's really hard not to slip into victim mode but try to remember what a weak insecure person your boss must be if he gets his kicks out of treating other people like ****.

I think you are doing amazingly well by the way. Don't let this t0sser spoil it for you. If he picks on you again, I suggest you contact the JC, explain you are having some problems with your employer and can you speak to the Disability Employment Advisor about it - see what the DEA advises. Have you considered joining a union? I would also suggest seeing if there is a Mind Advocacy service in your area who could help. Your boss needs to be very careful as if you leave because of the way he is treating you, you would have a very good case for constructive dismissal on the grounds of both harassment at work and breach of the disability discrimination act.

And if all that fails, we'll set Tiff on him.

Don't give in, you've loads of support here and you've done exactly the right thing by standing up to him and posting here for support.

x

rosepink1984

Big hugs to Ssssssss, Beachbeth and DD, and everyone else

Sssssss, I think you've done the right thing. Bullies need to be stood up to. And as others have said, talk to his manager if he has one, and the JC - I think what Whitevanwoman said is very wise. I hope you get your money eventually.
Beachbeth, I also feel that your daughter needs to report what happened to her manager, and the police. Men like that need to be stopped. I know its hard and scary to report these things to the police, but she needs to try to think of other women who may be assaulted by him and she has the power in her hands to stop that by reporting him. I feel so sorry that this has happened to her. I wonder if it's a shop, will there be CCTV evidence to back up her story?

meyore

I don't know why no one has said this already...

Happy Birthday RBK

I will catch up with you soon xxxxx

beachbeth

rosepink1984 wrote: »

I wonder if it's a shop, will there be CCTV evidence to back up her story?

There is cctv in the shop but I believe its erased every few days. As this has taken quite a few weeks I don't think it will still be there. My daughter was so upset about it at the time that no one even knew what he had done until about a week later - she didn't even tell us as parents and she tells me everything, we're very close.

I was going to write a letter to Head Office (my daughter's manager and all the staff have been very supportive to her and they all think its disgusting that he didn't get the sack) telling them exactly what I think and that, as they aren't protecting her from this vile person, we are going to take it further, ie the police. However, my OH has Friday off work and is going to ring them instead. He is quite articulate and good at getting his point across. We are not going to just let this drop. What if he does this sort of thing again? (Someone even mentioned to us that he has done it before - although we don't know if this is just hearsay)

Sssssss wrote:

I know it's difficult but as you said in your reply to my post the weak will always get picked on where as we need to stand up to these idiots to avoid it happening again.

This is true. As I said to you, if you stand up for yourself you are less likely to be picked on in the first place. As my daughter is only 19 and quite naive, we are going to stick up for her. Lets hope the idiot where she works and your idiot boss (substitute idiot for a stronger word!!!) get to the point where they realise they can no longer behave this way.